not invited. would this sting you too?
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Anonymous
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We live in a lovely neighborhood with a beautiful playground. On pretty much a daily basis, all of the SAHMs on our street (and neighboring street) and our kids (ranging in age from infants to about 5 years) casually meet at the playground. We chat while kids play. On any given day, you can find at least two or three of us moms there. Anyway, last weekend, I go down there with my 3 yr old to see everyone in the group there (minus one other family aside from me) having a birthday party on the playground for one of the kids in the group. I felt sad when I noticed that everyone else in the "group" (again, minus one other) was there. Would you feel hurt by this? I feel like, if you're going to have a party in the neighborhood hang-out spot, wouldn't you invite all of the neighbors (especially when there's a high likelihood that the neighbors are going to show up at the playground around the time of your party anyway, since that's what we all normally do?). I don't know why we weren't invited. We're nice people (I think?!), I get along well with this mother and all of the other mothers...the only thing I can think of is that my child does her own thing on the playground - kind of a quiet kid who plays by herself a lot...but then again, at least one of the other kids in attendance is like that too. Then I thought that maybe it was the age difference (birthday kid turned 4, mine is 3), but there were other 3 yr olds there, and also 5 yr olds.
My child didn't even really notice (just focused in on the playground and started playing)...I'm just a little sad, and it did sting to discover that we were not included for the party. I'm not angry - for my child's birthday, I was planning to invite everyone from the 'hood (and I still will). I guess my feelings are a little hurt. I suppose I am just venting here. Would you feel a bit sad if this happened to you? |
Anonymous
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No, it's not about you and you really shouldn't internalize it.
It's also possible you missed an invitation -- evites got spam folders, for example. |
Anonymous
| yes, i would. |
Anonymous
| I would too. In the word of my three year-old, that was not nice. |
Anonymous
| I would but it seems so off that I'm sure you missed the invitation. |
Anonymous
| I definitely would! It sounds like you see this neighbor often enough that you'd think she would have said something to you if the invite got "lost." Did she say anything to you when you went down to the playground? |
Anonymous
| Something like this happened with my DS. There were a few kids about 6 mos older on our street, and they were a part of a playgroup for kids that age. Since we live on the same street, we frequently socialized with them also, especially as the kids got older and were in the same grade at our neighborhood school. But sometimes they got together with the playgroup kids, so my son wasn't invited. It was difficult for him to understand why he wasn't invited, but I got it- there were kids in the playgroup who didn't live nearby, and DS didn't know them. I don't think the street moms thought it would be cool to start inviting a neighborhood kid to these non-neighborhood functions, even though sibs of various ages were there. A little awkward, but understandable. Maybe something like this is going on? |
Anonymous
| i would feel bad too. |
Anonymous
OP here. She was busy with the party so we didn't talk long, but she said hi and then I said hi! Is this the birthday boy? She said, yes, billy just turned 4. I am positive that I didn't miss an invitation or something like that. |
Anonymous
Op here. Something like that might make sense (i.e., part of different groups, and therefore not invited), but I don't see how that was the case here. There aren't any commonalities between all of the other families but not ours. In fact, the mom host's kids go to the same preschool as mine, whereas none of the other moms on the street go to that school. ;( |
Anonymous
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I agree that she should not have the party at the playground. Unfortunately, too many people today are beyond understanding. Yes. I would be hurt and I woulf cross her off my list. Sorry
this happened to you. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thank you for all of the feedback. I wonder if it's possible that she just doesn't like me...or maybe her son chose the invitees and didn't include my daughter...whatever it is, it hurt. One of the other moms gave me a half-quizzical half-apologetic look when she saw me arrive at the playground, but not as a guest, so it seems i wasn't the only one who was surprised that we were not invited. |
Anonymous
| Did the birthday mom say anything to you? That does seem odd. Did you speak to them? |
Anonymous
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OP, from the tone of your post you sound like a nice person who is genuinely hurt. Maybe there is more to the story? Were there previous playdates where the host may have misinterpreted something you said? I find this to be the case with friendships in general. Neighborhood parks can be a blessing and a curse. I sometimes long for a neighborhood where all the SAHMs got together at the local park. We live on a street where there are almost no families. Most days, though, I am glad to avoid all the politics and high-schoolish behavior of exclusion. I hated HS for this very reason but that's another story....
I'm glad you took the high road and are planning on inviting everyone to your child's party. |
Anonymous
| Yes but let it go. Life is too short to be caught up in negative thoughts and emotions. |