Anyone else feel completely alone?

[Anonymous]

OP, read this book! Seriously, it is about a girl in just about the same situation and it is all about how she makes new friends. It is a light and quick read but I found it entertaining. I am from around here and have family still here as well, so I do not find myself in your particular shoes at this time, but I have been there at various other times. Good luck to you. And happy reading, should you choose to give this rec'n a try!

http://mwfseekingbff.com/

[Anonymous]

You should move to the city or Alexandria. Somewhere with lots of fun restaurants and night life and that doesn't have a particularly good school system. Either that or get pregnant .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, where do you live? NOVA? I am in my mid-30s though I do have young kids. If we lived close by, I would love to meet up. I too struggle with making friends. Most of mine from pre-kids days live all over the DC area. I feel like my neighborhood is unfriendly too, though perhaps it's just a perception I have b/c I work and I see many SAHMs who are able to meet up during the week day.

PP, I'm a NOVA SAHM, and I like my fellow SAHMs, but I would like to make friends with the WOHM, too. I don't like being in the SAHM ghetto much, but it seems that everyone's exhausted after a long day at work or with the kids and it's family time. Your neighborhood moms are perhaps similar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: everyone's exhausted after a long day at work or with the kids and it's family time.

yeah, as a wohm, I must admit that this describes our life. To my eternal frustration and disappointment. I want to do more fun things, I do. There are just not enough hours in the day.

[Anonymous]

8:34 here. I'm not sure why 9:12 and 9:14 think I'm being unfriendly. I'm being honest. My husband works long hours, and I'm home watching my kids sleep every night. You are welcome to come here and hang out. We can watch movies, talk about books, have a glass of wine, cook, whatever. But that's all I can offer. It's not intended to be unfriendly, just honest.

I've invited at least six different women over in the evenings who don't have kids. I've been taken up on the offer just once. Who is being unfriendly? Probably no one, we just want / need different things out of our friendships. And that's what I was trying to explain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think "4 or 5 good friends" is too ambitious. All you really need is one good friend, maybe two, and then a good number of friendly acquaintances.

A few suggestions--reach out to your family and old friends regularly by phone, skype, whatever. I'm from here but my best friend lives in Philly, and she is still the person I call or email when it counts. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone that's known you since you had braces.

Also, don't just be a joiner, be the organizer. It's fine to belong to groups, but taking on a leadership position is how you really get to know people and become entrenched.

Join smaller sub-groups. If you are in a church, join the chorus. If you are in a volunteer organization, join the board. Etc.

Start a daily coffee/tea/ice cream run at work, or start a lunchtime walking group. Work friends are a different beast from real friends, but they can become true friends over time, or at least close acquaintances.

Some groups are more social than others for some reason, so keep trying. Something like tennis or a musical ensemble where you meet regularly and share a passion, but also have plenty of time to socialize, might fit the bill. I think people say "volunteer" as a knee jerk reaction, but many volunteer opportunities don't actually offer opportunities to see the same people over and over again to develop relationships.

OP here. Thanks for all the thoughful and helpful replies on this thread. I am thinking about all of them and I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I wanted to comment on this post, especially. I know 4 or 5 friends is kinda ambitious, but I already have 2 good friends now and it's not enough. The reason it's not enough is that my hubby works 70 hour weeks plus some weekends, and I would prefer to have friends to do things with when he's not around. Both of these 2 friends are childfree, but both have tons of extended family here and are always busy with them, so I only see these friends around once a month at the most. That's why I need more friends, so that I can have more people to do things with. Ideally, I'd love to have 4 or 5 friends to do things with, but I know that will take time.

I really like the idea of organizing groups, and this is something I've been thinking about lately but just haven't put into action. I'm just trying go figure out the best type of group to organize.

To the poster who mentioned getting pregnant, DH and I are TTC, so that may be happening sometime soon. I have heard that it can be easier to meet people after having a baby. But for now, I just find it very hard to be a married couple in our mid-30's without kids. Though I will say that we are meeting many more childfree married couples out in the burbs (even though we're TTC) than we ever did in the city when we lived there. I find this quite interesting, as you would expect the opposite.

I live in NoVA, and would love to chat personally with anyone who would like to make a friend, and who lives in NoVA. I work full-time but have plenty of time for friends, since like I mentioned my husband works very long hours plus some weekends. If I post my email address would anyone contact me?

[Anonymous]

I would. I am TTC too. I live in Arlington and work in DC. I posted on the previous page at 7:52.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would. I am TTC too. I live in Arlington and work in DC. I posted on the previous page at 7:52.

Sounds great! Maybe we could sign up for pre-natal yoga together, I'm looking for a class in NoVA to take.

[Anonymous]

Loneliness is the human condition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, where do you live? NOVA? I am in my mid-30s though I do have young kids. If we lived close by, I would love to meet up. I too struggle with making friends. Most of mine from pre-kids days live all over the DC area. I feel like my neighborhood is unfriendly too, though perhaps it's just a perception I have b/c I work and I see many SAHMs who are able to meet up during the week day.

PP, I'm a NOVA SAHM, and I like my fellow SAHMs, but I would like to make friends with the WOHM, too. I don't like being in the SAHM ghetto much, but it seems that everyone's exhausted after a long day at work or with the kids and it's family time. Your neighborhood moms are perhaps similar?

'

I'm the poster you're quoting. I hope you didn't think I was making a dig at SAHMs! I wasn't at all. Just commenting that it's hard to feel as included or even noticed at all when I don't see those moms during the day. It was sort of like that with my moms' group- it splintered into two factions- one which SAH and could see each other during the week day and one where the moms work and only got together on weekends here and there.

I agree with the after-work bit- I'm exhausted, but more importantly, my kids are still so young that they start going to bed at 6.30 and 7.30. But weekends are fine for us!

[Anonymous]

OP, are you pregnant already?

[Anonymous]

I've definitely been in the same situation. Things that helped me were developing a broader idea of who I could be friends with. I cultivated friendships with a couple of people who were quite shy-I had to do a lot of the work of inviting and starting conversation at first, and also someone who was quite a bit older. I found that when I let go of the idea that friends had to be really demographically similar to me, I had a lot more friend options to chose from-and they were often more satisfying, because those friendships were about having interesting conversations, not more superficial stuff. I also started working out a lot, which didn't really solve the loneliness problem, but at least I was really healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loneliness is the human condition.

And a state of mind.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to make friends once you aren't in school anymore. Plus when you move away from your home base that makes it even more difficult. Everyone is busy and they already have their friends. It's hard to break in unless you have one of those personalities that really attracts people.

To be honest, I still haven't made friends here. I just made my first friend after living here for 5 or so years. She's about 50 years older than me though.

As for OP, I am not a mean person but you sound very needy and high maintenance. At this point in my life I really don't have time or the desire for phone chats, sleepovers, and all that other stuff you do when you don't have a husband, small kids, a house, and a career to manage.

I'm just not interested in a commitment like that. A few acquaintances are good. We can hang out occasionally and by that I mean every couple of months. But other than that- send me an email, let's write, but I don't have time to be your emotional support. I take it that's why I haven't made friends, because I don't really have the desire to put in that kind of effort.

[Anonymous]

Op I am a mother of two but would still love to meet up with you.. It's hard in this crazy city. Please post your email!