getting custody of a loser family member's child - long

[Anonymous]

As sad as this is, I really doubt CPS will consider doing anything more than just investigating. The parents are providing for the children and no one will care that the girl is wearing pants instead of shorts or that her bath water isn't hot. They are providing shelter, be it an apartment, tent, house and providing food even though it may not seem like they have no food, do the children seem nourished? In other words, the grass is not always greener on the other side and the courts like to keep the children with their biological parents as much as possible. Be there for the children as much as possible. If they need food, provide it if you can. If they aren't going to school figure out why. Maybe they need a ride to school? Can you hire a babysitter for them to help them out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and CPS won't be able to advise about custody issues or establishing a 529 for them - you need to consult a lawyer for this.

You can establish a 529 for someone w/out needing a lawyer. We established one secretly for our neice who is in a similar situation. But yes, you should see a lawyer for custody issues.

[Anonymous]

NP here, I just wanted to add that OP should prepare herself for the fallout if CPS IS called, investigates, and chooses not to remove the children. In that case you are left with kids in the same situation but SIL is going to be majorly PO'ed with you (will CPS tell them who told? IDK) and possibly the entire family. Do you think, based on her history, that kind of stress would cause a bad reaction (like an "event")?
I speak with sympathy and understanding as I grew up with an emotionally challenged sibling who would go off the deep end when big life events happened. Grandmother died? Was found crawling naked through a field, eating grass. Got caught with pot? Decided to rob a 7-11. Etc. My only comfort in all this, is that he has NOT fathered any children that we are aware of (bc it would likely come to a similar situation).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20:42 has the right idea.

You can call CPS and probably should if they are fishing out of the river to eat and doing drugs in the house, not sending her to school, etc.

But no matter how that turns out, you can be there for her in many many significant ways and that will make a ig difference.

This. OP, this sounds so hard, and I wish I had a magic answer that would make everything better.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a social worker and used to do CPS for a rural county in Virginia. Unfortunately, I do not think what you've described would warrant an out-of-home placement. CPS might investigate a neglect report because of the missed school, camping, inadequate nutrition. But I think this would get classified more as a family preservation (i.e., monitoring) case vs. founded neglect that necessitates removal. They might not open a case at all, depending on the jurisdiction, caseloads, manpower, etc. Even if they did an out-of-home placement, the goal would certainly be reunification. Child welfare laws in this country are pro-parental rights. Parents have to do something really egregious to have their parental rights terminated.

I do applaud the PP who described the enormous positive influence she had on her niece even without custody. When kids in difficult environments have one supportive, trusting adult they can go to, it makes a huge difference for many of them. I had teenage kids in foster care from some deeply troubled families who built relationships with non-relative adults/families from the church, community, wherever. It was pretty incredible how much better these kids could do when they had one sane, caring adult as a safety net and sounding board. And as PP said, it is unhelpful to criticize mom or the dysfunctional family situation with the kid. To the contrary, some of the foster parents and volunteers I worked with would do the most generous things for these messed up parents, e.g., buy birthday gifts for bio mom to give to kid.

So I'd be doing everything possible to forge a relationship with these children and make them feel like they always have 1) a second home and family when they need it 2) someone who listens to them and loves them unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

20:42...you and your mom sound lovely and kind. thank goodness your niece has you both.

[Anonymous]

I agree to stay as involved as you can in this poor child's life. She will grow up and start leaning on you and other family members when she realizes she can't rely on mom and boyfriend.

Don't give up on this kid.

[Anonymous]

call DFS. Tell them that you would like to make an anonymous report. tell them everything you have said on here. Tell them that you are concerned for the child. Give them your name and number and tell them that if it comes down to it, that you will take the child.

[Anonymous]

Your sil will never give up either child, because they are her tickets to government assistance.

[Anonymous]

OP,

What a sad story.

+ Are they employable with their criminal records? Also, do you know how many people apply for basic retail jobs these days? Hundreds upon hundreds. It's bad out there for the unemployed.
+ Do NOT call CPS before researching. They may remove your niece to a foster home, not to your place. Also, your SIL and would assume the call was from you, correct?
+ Is there anyway you can provide directly for the niece, clothing, etc.?

Your best bet is to find a lawyer who specializes in custody and research your options.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like the parents are neglectful at a minimum. You and other relatives need to call CPS, especially when you know they're "camping" or the child is missing school. I would also speak to a family lawyer in your jurisdiction.

[Anonymous]

This is her mother and while she is far from, this is still this child's family and i am sure she loves them. The fact you hate your SIL and talk about her with such disdan, and in a degrading way is also pretty harmful for your niece. The negative attitude and disgust your express and names you call her really show that you also have many things to address to be able to competently raise a child. There are ways you can express frustration and concern without being cruel, offensive and mean.

[Anonymous]

Call a family law lawyer. They'll be able to guide you re: reporting, etc.

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone, this thread was started last year and dredged up for who knows what reason.

If OP is still around on DCUM, I hope she and her niece are doing well.

[Anonymous]

It's very unlikely you can get the kids. I went through something similar a few years back with my niece and nephew, only the circumstances were way worse. These children were living in a trailer with no stove, no electricity or oil for heat at times. They slept on the floor which had animal feces on it, they had almost no food, one child is severely developmentally delayed and not getting help, there was physical abuse both between the dad and the kids and the dad and the mom. Doors had holes in them, the place was filthy. The kids were filthy. I decided to butt in and call cps after the mom (my sil) told me her ds had been sick with diarrhea and she got tired of cleaning him up so she left him in the backyard and just hosed him off when he soiled himself. I fought for those kids, and lost. They now have 2 more kids and are living in someone else's house, all 6 of them sharing one room. Cps did make the parents take some parenting classes. That's it.