has DCUM changed the way you view people?

[Anonymous]

I have to be honest, it's a real downer sometimes. I never realized there were so many nasty, judgmental parents out there. Now every time I meet another mom in this area, I have to wonder if she's really as nice as she seems or if she's secretly thinking the kinds of bitchy things that get posted here. I've always been someone who assumes the best about people (until proven otherwise) but DCUM has me questioning that approach. Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never realized how much vitrol there was towards Catholics.

That's funny. I was going to say I never realized how much of a victim complex some Catholics have! And I'm not snarking at the Catholics when I say that. I've just read many threads on DCUM in recent months where Catholic posters seem very thin-skinned, and will go thermonuclear in response to fairly reasonable comments.

Maybe they've experienced vitriol in other parts of their lives that makes them particularly defensive. Or maybe the vitriol you see here is driven by how they've reacted. Impossible to tell.

I also figure though that the thermonuclear Catholics I notice here are not representative of all Catholics. I've seen reasonable comments from other Catholics here, and I know many Catholics. They don't seem any more or less crazy than anyone else IRL.

Funny to see the different perspectives. Are you Catholic, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest, it's a real downer sometimes. I never realized there were so many nasty, judgmental parents out there. Now every time I meet another mom in this area, I have to wonder if she's really as nice as she seems or if she's secretly thinking the kinds of bitchy things that get posted here. I've always been someone who assumes the best about people (until proven otherwise) but DCUM has me questioning that approach. Sad but true.

I think everyone needs to keep in mind what anonymity does to people though. I mean seriously, you've never a single time had an irrational nasty judgemental thought about anyone? I bet everyone has. I bet everyone has a less than nice thought on at least a daily basis. Particularly about people you don't know or about a situation that you know only a little teeny bit about. And no, not just the blanket "people who live in DC" - I mean every single person anywhere. So take all those thoughts and then give the harborers of those thoughts anonymity and immediate and permanent posting capability, and you have some of the comments on DCUM. I consider myself a very nice person (you can choose not to believe me of course) and I try very hard to see the world in shades of gray and not judge others for their choices. But sometimes I see someone asking a question on DCUM - so I get a tiny snapshot of their life - and I'm like "that's the stupidest question I've ever seen." I don't think I'm mean in my response, but it might come out that way. Whereas in real life, if a friend asked me that question, I'd be more willing and able to see the whole picture - why she wants to know, what else is bearing on that thought process, etc.

Anyway, I seriously don't think anyone needs to take their DCUM experiences and let them nosedive their faith in humanity in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never realized how much vitrol there was towards Catholics.

Really? Are you and all your closest friends Catholic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never realized how much vitrol there was towards Catholics.

I'll say! Towards Mormons, too. I'm not either religion, FWIW. I always wonder how many DCUM posters have some sort of deep-seated rage, and they need a target so they don't scream at DH or the kids.

I'm not vitriolic towards Mormons, I just don't like them calling themselves Christians. They believe that the Son came after the Father, not in the triune God. Not.Christian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest, it's a real downer sometimes. I never realized there were so many nasty, judgmental parents out there. Now every time I meet another mom in this area, I have to wonder if she's really as nice as she seems or if she's secretly thinking the kinds of bitchy things that get posted here. I've always been someone who assumes the best about people (until proven otherwise) but DCUM has me questioning that approach. Sad but true.

I think everyone needs to keep in mind what anonymity does to people though. I mean seriously, you've never a single time had an irrational nasty judgemental thought about anyone? I bet everyone has. I bet everyone has a less than nice thought on at least a daily basis. Particularly about people you don't know or about a situation that you know only a little teeny bit about. And no, not just the blanket "people who live in DC" - I mean every single person anywhere. So take all those thoughts and then give the harborers of those thoughts anonymity and immediate and permanent posting capability, and you have some of the comments on DCUM. I consider myself a very nice person (you can choose not to believe me of course) and I try very hard to see the world in shades of gray and not judge others for their choices. But sometimes I see someone asking a question on DCUM - so I get a tiny snapshot of their life - and I'm like "that's the stupidest question I've ever seen." I don't think I'm mean in my response, but it might come out that way. Whereas in real life, if a friend asked me that question, I'd be more willing and able to see the whole picture - why she wants to know, what else is bearing on that thought process, etc.

Anyway, I seriously don't think anyone needs to take their DCUM experiences and let them nosedive their faith in humanity in general.

This reminds me of the way my husband drives. Inevitably, when the car in front of him is going too slow and blocking traffic he starts spouting off about what the H this moron is doing. While I might get annoyed about the same behavior, I'm much more likely to think it's just a normal person who's lost or maybe a harried mom trying to deal with a screaming child in the back seat. We all have those days and we all occasionally do stupid things when we drive. It doesn't make us morons. The same is true of our posts. Everyone occasionally asks a stupid question or says something dumb. Why not cut people some slack instead of assuming the worst and responding accordingly? Of course I have the occasional nasty, judgmental thought about people too, but I really do try hard not to post nasty and judgmental responses just because I'm anonymous. So I think you're probably right but I also think there are quite a few posters here who really get off on being mean.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to see a face when you stare at a computer screen, many of us, very often, don't pause and think that a human being is on the other side of the screen, hence the relentless snarkiness. Many of the things we spew on DCUM, we wouldn't dare say it to anyone's face, even strangers.

It's also easy to be mean, judgmental and snarky when you don't know the whole story. We fill in the blanks and create a complete picture based on our own assumptions and experiences. Half the time, the original poster's story is 10% and our own jaded assumptions is 90%.

I don't understand why anyone takes DCUM personally, I don't know how to be hurt when someone I don't know says shit about me.

[Anonymous]

16:30 - I'm the PP you're quoting and I absolutely agree that there are a few posters on here who actually seek out posts that they can be mean on. Totally agree. But I think your example could also be flipped - taking the purposefully nasty posters out, yes, definitely, let's all assume that sometimes people are going to ask stupid questions or I'm just going to flat out disagree with what someone is saying. But on the flip side, let's all assume that sometimes a post is going to come across as mean - for a variety of reasons - and maybe it doesn't mean that poster is really a mean awful person.

I just really don't think you can extrapolate general human behavior from DCUM posts. And I really really don't think you can extrapolate the personalities of all the people in DC from DCUM posts. It's not as if DCUM has the corner on nasty uninformed entitled internet postings. Check out the comments section of ANY website from ANYWHERE. There are always always nasty comments.

It just drives me crazy when people say they know for sure that they hate DC and use DCUM as an example of why.

[Anonymous]

I actually think DCUM has helped me to appreciate real people more, or at least be more vocal about that appreciation.

I often tell my husband, "DCUM made you look good again today" instead of "why didn't you x,y,z, [housework]".

I am also glad I live in the suburbs with great public schools, as my experience of other mothers is vastly more positive than what I read here, and especially in the private school thread.

And, of course, I often get good information too.

[Anonymous]

I used to think those folks who cared about money, houses, clothes, and private schools paid no attention to me or had no opinion about my life choices since my world is so very different from theirs. Now I am wondering about when dd was younger and I actually crossed paths with some of those folks whether they were actually judging me. Not that it would have made any difference. And I'm not sure I care all that much. But it is something I wonder about now. And it's a good reminder to me to work on not judging other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never realized how much vitrol there was towards Catholics.

That's funny. I was going to say I never realized how much of a victim complex some Catholics have! And I'm not snarking at the Catholics when I say that. I've just read many threads on DCUM in recent months where Catholic posters seem very thin-skinned, and will go thermonuclear in response to fairly reasonable comments.

Another poster here, and I'm not Catholic myself. Again and again, I watch as some troll goes after Catholics, and no way are some of these posts "fairly reasonable," instead a lot tend towards gratuitous references to cannibalism, fairies and pederasts. If I were Catholic, I'd be sick of it too. Plus, per your own post, if a Catholic defends herself, she's "thermo-nuclear." I see it as part of the whole vitriol thing, myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Another poster here, and I'm not Catholic myself. Again and again, I watch as some troll goes after Catholics, and no way are some of these posts "fairly reasonable," instead a lot tend towards gratuitous references to cannibalism, fairies and pederasts. If I were Catholic, I'd be sick of it too. Plus, per your own post, if a Catholic defends herself, she's "thermo-nuclear." I see it as part of the whole vitriol thing, myself.

* Let's not forget, "how can you believe that crap," and "if you're still in the church, you're a hypocrite and a bad person."

DCUM can be really intolerant! There's also intolerance to gays, to financial aid recipients, to SAHMs, to WOHMs, to people who make different choices about public and private schools, strollers. Intolerance to catholics seems to be on a different level, though. I say this as an observer because I'm not catholic.

[Anonymous]

I have never been more conscious of my interracial marriage and biracial children until I became a regular on DCUM. Much more racism than I expected in DC although I view it more as a class/race issue. What troubles me most is so much grouping everyone into one category without even trying get to know people. DCUM has jaded me but I just can't quit!

[Anonymous]

I agree 17:19. There is either a lot more racism in this area than I thought or there are some posters that spend a lot of time posting their stereotyped opinions. I am also amazed that some of the mean posters recognize they are mean and just can't stop! Saw some emails directed to the site administrator and said they we aware their comments were offensive and asked if they were close to being blocked from using the site. The toll is that I am more wary of the parents that I am just meeting. Although it is may nature to shrug off people that don't agree with my choices in schooling for my little ones, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I've learned that white women aren't as submissive, proper and prim as they appear. While they play the shrinking violet in public, they are hell cats behind a computer screen.

They are the ultimate "angry woman".


How can you tell race and gender from a post?


It's usually revealed along the way....obviously.

And just how do they do that?