DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."

We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened.

When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited."

I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say???

I'm a bit confused how you know the other parent said "she's not invited" and said it "sternly" because you said they were inside the party room. Do you read lips?

I'm not the OP, but this is what I hate about DCUM -- this sort of "let me play prosecutor" and rip apart your post and turn your own words against you. I mean really, what the fuck?

ITA! It doesn't help anything. No one can ever have the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it makes those posters feel better about themselves somehow.

Sadly, it has come to this. Remember the crazy story last fall (or whenever it was) about the mom who rushed her child to the ER from the playground and the whole thing turned out to be a hoax? It makes me question ANY story that doesn't add up and for some reason, this one doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a good excuse to teach "the high road" and remind her that how bad she felt when she was excluded was a lesson so that later, if she has a birthday party and doesn't want to invite someone, she should remember how it felt. Say you hope that she doesn't ever feel right making another person feel like that. Then say that you'll make it up to her and do something that she likes, even if it's just baking cookies or getting to pick what's for dinner the next night.

No, now is not the time to teach her this lesson. Get a clue.

[Anonymous]

OP why dont you answer any of the questions the PPs have asked???? I hate it when someone posts something then totally disappears from the conversation they started

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know somewhat how you feel. In my child's grade, one birthday child invited all of one gender and excluded my child and one other. There are less than 15 of them. So 13 were invited to the party and 2 were left out. Thankfully, my child does not like the birthday child AT ALL and doesn't seem to have any hurt feelings over not being invited. I am, as you might imagine, livid. I have dreams of having the best party in the history of the school and inviting every kid boy and girl in the entire grade except this one. And I mean the best party ever.

And you are probably part of the reason. You said that your child does not like the birthday child AT ALL. Perhaps your cihld and the birthday child fight. Judging by your behavior and response, you have a vicious and vengeful streak in you and children learn from their parents. If your child has a mean streak as well, perhaps that's why your child was not invited to the event. A little introspection about you and your child and you may figure out why you were excluded from the event in question.

[Anonymous]

OP I haven't read the others' comments.

Actually I would call that parent of the birthday girl, and explain that I'm not calling because I feel she doesn't have a right not to invite my daughter but only because you I want to know the reason why my child was singularly uninvited. Did she do something wrong? If so I want to correct it in my daughter asap. Maybe if you put it to the mom t his way she'll be more forthcoming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."

We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened.

When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited."

I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say???

This is your answer. Maybe your kids aren't friends...classmates, yes; friends...well, maybe not so much. And since you obviously don't socialize with the family why should you feel entitled to receive an invite? Birthday parties aren't cheap so not necessarily every Jane and John are going to be invited especially if you don't even know the people.

Great opportunity to teach a 7 year old that life isn't fair. Unfortunately, she'll be dealing with situations like these for the rest of her life whether in school, at work, social scenes, etc.

[Anonymous]

If the OP is still on this thread, I'm so sorry for you and your daughter to have had this happen. It's impossible for any of us to know why this happened. Personally, I don't think it's kosher to call this family and inquire why she wasn't invited. They may be mean, but calling them puts them in an uncomfortable spot. I wouldn't do it. If this is just a isolated incident and not part of a larger pattern of your child being excluded from parties, playdates, etc. I'd tend to just support your child emotionally and try to move on. If it is part of a larger pattern, on the other hand, perhaps talking to her teacher to gain some feedback and perspective could be helpful.

Either way, I feel for you both. People can be thoughtless.

[Anonymous]

No 22:13, my child is not the issue. The birthday child in this case is unkind and lies about my child and a few others in an effort to get them in trouble in school. My child doesn't understand the manipulation and is upset at being lied about and the many instances of unkindness. And before everyone piles on and says that maybe the kid isn't lying about mine, her classroom teacher and my child's classroom teacher have caught this child in several lies about my child. Saying that my child took something when my child is in a different classroom and the teacher can see the item in question when this child opens their locker. So, no, my kid doesn't like being lied about and therefore doesn't like this child AT ALL. Not surprisingly, a mother who loves her child beyond all measure is angry, ok furious, at this family's decision to exclude 2 kids out of 15 -- one of them being mine. I just don't get that. I wouldn't get it even if my kid went to the party and a different child was left out. We began discussing my child's birthday plans before we knew of the exclusion and my child asked to exclude this child. I said no, there are only 15 of you. We aren't leaving anyone out. And a week later found out that they don't subscribe to the same inclusive philosophy. So yup. I have dreams of excluding this child. And I understand and own what that says about me. My anger is not so much directed at the child, but at the mother. I want her to know that she is a tool. It is because I understand that this plan could hurt a child's feelings that I won't act upon my impulse and will take the high road inviting this child when we do host our child's bday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No 22:13, my child is not the issue. The birthday child in this case is unkind and lies about my child and a few others in an effort to get them in trouble in school. My child doesn't understand the manipulation and is upset at being lied about and the many instances of unkindness. And before everyone piles on and says that maybe the kid isn't lying about mine, her classroom teacher and my child's classroom teacher have caught this child in several lies about my child. Saying that my child took something when my child is in a different classroom and the teacher can see the item in question when this child opens their locker. So, no, my kid doesn't like being lied about and therefore doesn't like this child AT ALL. Not surprisingly, a mother who loves her child beyond all measure is angry, ok furious, at this family's decision to exclude 2 kids out of 15 -- one of them being mine. I just don't get that. I wouldn't get it even if my kid went to the party and a different child was left out. We began discussing my child's birthday plans before we knew of the exclusion and my child asked to exclude this child. I said no, there are only 15 of you. We aren't leaving anyone out. And a week later found out that they don't subscribe to the same inclusive philosophy. So yup. I have dreams of excluding this child. And I understand and own what that says about me. My anger is not so much directed at the child, but at the mother. I want her to know that she is a tool. It is because I understand that this plan could hurt a child's feelings that I won't act upon my impulse and will take the high road inviting this child when we do host our child's bday party.

So if your DD and the birthday girl don't get along - you just said the birthday girl spreads lies about your DD - why would your DD want to go to her party anyway? Clearly the birthday girl doesn't like your DD, for whatever reason, so why are you surprised that your DD wasn't invited???

Your DD is acting like the birthday girl is her best friend betraying her and that couldn't be further from the truth.

[Anonymous]

"This was my thought too. If it were me, I'd definitely be talking to the teacher and maybe even the school counselor."

Why would you bother the school with this? This wasn't a school event, nor did it take place in the school. It's a parenting issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."

We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened.

When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited."

I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say???

I'm a bit confused how you know the other parent said "she's not invited" and said it "sternly" because you said they were inside the party room. Do you read lips?

I'm not the OP, but this is what I hate about DCUM -- this sort of "let me play prosecutor" and rip apart your post and turn your own words against you. I mean really, what the fuck?

ITA! It doesn't help anything. No one can ever have the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it makes those posters feel better about themselves somehow.

Sadly, it has come to this. Remember the crazy story last fall (or whenever it was) about the mom who rushed her child to the ER from the playground and the whole thing turned out to be a hoax? It makes me question ANY story that doesn't add up and for some reason, this one doesn't.

Yes, there are things about this post that don't add up, like why the child was at the ice skating rink on the day of the party in the first place. But OP's inability to lip read does not number among the suspicious items. The question was just absurd and mean-spirited. It's one thing to probe a post to see if it's genuine. It's another thing entirely to take what is, in essence, a summary of events and then go back and hold the OP to the literal terms of her account. People post a brief account for readability. I mean, thank god -- who wants to read a deposition of every twist and turn?

[Anonymous]

Op, after reading your explanation it is clear how you comfort her ". Both of you are not friends. Not everyone can be friends, not everyone will like you nor should you strive for everyone to like you. Now how about we go out for some ice cream."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"This was my thought too. If it were me, I'd definitely be talking to the teacher and maybe even the school counselor."

Why would you bother the school with this? This wasn't a school event, nor did it take place in the school. It's a parenting issue.

People sometimes ask the teacher for insights on social situations involving their child and the rest of the class. It's not a demand on the school. If something arose in school that might explain why this girl is being ostracized, it might help OP to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."

We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened.

When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited."

I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say???

I'm a bit confused how you know the other parent said "she's not invited" and said it "sternly" because you said they were inside the party room. Do you read lips?

I'm not the OP, but this is what I hate about DCUM -- this sort of "let me play prosecutor" and rip apart your post and turn your own words against you. I mean really, what the fuck?

ITA! It doesn't help anything. No one can ever have the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it makes those posters feel better about themselves somehow.

Sadly, it has come to this. Remember the crazy story last fall (or whenever it was) about the mom who rushed her child to the ER from the playground and the whole thing turned out to be a hoax? It makes me question ANY story that doesn't add up and for some reason, this one doesn't.

Yes, there are things about this post that don't add up, like why the child was at the ice skating rink on the day of the party in the first place. But OP's inability to lip read does not number among the suspicious items. The question was just absurd and mean-spirited. It's one thing to probe a post to see if it's genuine. It's another thing entirely to take what is, in essence, a summary of events and then go back and hold the OP to the literal terms of her account. People post a brief account for readability. I mean, thank god -- who wants to read a deposition of every twist and turn?

Good grief, haven't you ever coincidentally been at the same place as other people you know or are acquainted with? How is this suspicous?!! I went to a restaurant this weekend with my daughter and DH and saw my neighbor and her kid - is that so strange? I'm not the OP, but I think the questioning of the truthfulness of her account is absurd and petty.

[Anonymous]

"This was my thought too. If it were me, I'd definitely be talking to the teacher and maybe even the school counselor."

Why would you bother the school with this? This wasn't a school event, nor did it take place in the school. It's a parenting issue.

+!