Promiscuous Teen

[Anonymous]

Do you like/trust you OBGYN? Or maybe her pediatrician? I would take her to see that person and have them see if they can figure out what is going on? (And, I wouldn't be in the room so perhaps your daughter would be able to speak more freely). Also, preferably, they can talk about the various aspects/risks of having sex

[Anonymous]

Where was I in high school and college when young girls were deciding to be promiscuous. I've barely been given the time of day, ever. I've never been taken seriously. So when I see these hot girls in tight shorts, you can't blame me for noticing and feeling left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where was I in high school and college when young girls were deciding to be promiscuous. I've barely been given the time of day, ever. I've never been taken seriously. So when I see these hot girls in tight shorts, you can't blame me for noticing and feeling left out.

So, you lament that no "sluts" ever wanted you? How is this relevant, trollface?

[Anonymous]

My roommate freshman year of college was promiscuous. It was crazy. She was smart and accomplished but had a warped image of herself due to her distant relationship with her father, IMO. She had a STD by the end of the first semester.

It's unhealthy behavior and warrants running to a counselor.

[Anonymous]

How many posters were virgins until they married? Seems this "slut" and "whore" talk gets bandied about a lot but as a birthing until the day I said "I do" I can tell you, it seems I'm in the minority, and I don't think anyone who didn't wait should be called those names so think before you tell others what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many posters were virgins until they married? Seems this "slut" and "whore" talk gets bandied about a lot but as a birthing until the day I said "I do" I can tell you, it seems I'm in the minority, and I don't think anyone who didn't wait should be called those names so think before you tell others what to do.

UGH. "Virgin" not "birthing".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder why everyone assumes this teen is a girl? I don't think I've seen OP indicate a gender. In fact, OP seems to have gone out of the way to avoid assigning a gender.

Do your comments about being a "little whore" change if you find out the kid is a boy?

How cute. There is no mother in the world who would be on here complaining that her son is getting a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs - its not risen to the level of sex yet AFAIK. I don't want to get too specific but its a younger teen, who has good grades, athletics, stable home. The interest right now is getting together with people where there is no relationship. If it were a relationship issue, I feel like I would still be disappointed but at least I could better understand the dilemma. This I don't understand. Hopefully counseling will assist. I saw there is a book on Amazon called Loose that studies this a bit. Any other book recs or ways to deal with appreciate.

If you can't get specific on an anonomyous forum then how will you be able to have a frank and open discussion with her. Don't meant to beat you up but it starts with a serious discussion between you two where she (and you) are honest about all aspects. Posting here should be far easier than that.

[Anonymous]

I was promiscuous between age 17-23. I had sex the first time when I was 15. I was on birth control, but usually told guys I wasn't and we had to use a condom. That got me pregnancy and disease protection. I now have 3 degrees, a great job, wonderful fiancé, and generally good life. Teach her to protect herself and let her live. She will learn in due time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would get her the book "Taking charge of your Fertility". It goes over the affects of everything from abortions, stds, smoking, toxic household chemicals, diet etc. If she doesn't want to have kids right away she should learn how to protect her fertility/health. Tell her it may be a little "too grown-up" for her but you thought it might give her a big picture view of what it means to be a woman. A lot of women don't learn this until too late.

This is too funny. While reading TCOYF I though "wow I wish I had this in HS, I would have had so much more sex with my long term BF at the time. Constant fear of pregnancy made sex less frequent and less fun. I think that book would have calmed my nerves a lot and allowed me to explore the emotional, physical sensation, and relationship aspects more - instead of being so focused on the mechanics.
Kids will hook up and have sex. Teach them to be safe and help them learn that sexuality is part of a healthy relationship. Shaming and forcing them to sneak / hide is likely to backfire.

[Anonymous]

OP, as a Dad of a teenage girl, I wish you all the luck. A very tough time. If you can't stress her making wise choices, at least try and import to her the importance of protection, from the STDs and pregancies we all fear. I think all parents fear this stage, and you just hope they come out okay on the other side.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine's daughter become quite promiscuous in high school. She was making absolutely terrible decisions and not thinking through the ramifications at all. She lost a number of friends due to her actions and ended up changing schools as well. It turned out she had depression and basically felt empty, didn't care, had no emotion and that was why she was acting out sexually and not feeling any of the consequences that should have helped her self-regulate her behavior. Once her depression was treated, the promiscuity ended.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, my mother gave me wonderful advice when I was a teen. The background is that I was "this close" to having sex with my BF of 1 year and she was no fool about it. We had the birth control talk and all that. But she said (can't remember exact words but it was more eloquent than I'll say here) "after you have sex once, future relationships move a lot faster sexually than your first one." Vividly remember her telling me this when I was 15 and thinking she was silly (b/c of course I'd be with my BF forever and ever). But it stuck. And, she was the first person I told after I did have sex, b/c I didn't want to be sneaking around to get birth control.

Like a PP above, I was also more sexual (though I'm not going to say promiscuous bc I was always in a relationship -- no one night stands) as a teen than perhaps I should have been. Again, wasn't due to low self-esteem or unstable family life. And maybe it was because I started young. I was not a drinker at all, never interested in drugs of any kind, but sex was a curious power that I enjoyed. Continued through college. Then got married to a sexual history equal (for lack of a better term) in my early 20s and still blissfully happy at 40. Lucky me.

I was fortunate in that, although somewhat awkward at the time, my mom approached it in a way that made me feel like I wasn't being treated like a child. I'm not saying she suggested I was an adult -- b/c she didn't. She made it very clear that I was still young and learning things, but she was not blind to the situation as it were. She also made it very clear that she thought I was a smart kid and generally made good decisions, and she didn't want me to make bad ones about sex (any of which could have disastrous consequences) because I didn't feel like I could talk to her b/c I thought she'd punish me.

Open communication was really key here. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this might depend on the details. If you are dealing with a 17 year old having sex with a long term gf or bf or are you talking about a 15 year old having casual sex with more than one partner?
I think the first is just normal teen behavior and the 2nd is more of an actual problem...
Good luck either way!

Promiscuous means SLUT. Which means the 15 yo fucking multiple boys. By definition.

[Anonymous]

Are boys sluts when they have sex with multiple partners?