No nearby family

[Anonymous]

I was raised in a multigenerational family and household. I am now without and it is quite difficult. I don't think you can blame anyone.

These days, it is not horse and buggy. People move. It is what they do. Children can not stay with mommy forever. That is not a reasonable expectation in today's world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've heard it said before that people from other countries cannot believe how decoupled families are here. In many cultures, it's unheard of for people to live in different neighborhoods let along thousands of miles away in a different state. Think about how many cultures have many generations sharing the same house. Here in the US with many Asian families in particular, notice how many multi-generational families travel together.

There are so many benefits. No one needs to go into a nursing home, babysitters aren't needed. Younger generation learns traditions and history from the older. Shared costs.

My grandparents watched me a lot when I was younger and I got to know them in a way I never would have if I only saw them a couple times per year.

Seriously people, family is everything. What are we all doing?

OP again. This, all this. The relationship I had with my grandparents growing up is to this day one of my most treasured. I loved my grandma and grandpa so much and many of my happiest childhood moments involved spending weekends with them. I can't stand the idea of my children not having that same relationship with our parents. And since I was raised where the whole family takes care of the kids, the idea of putting my child in daycare really weirds me out (no offense to people who have chosen or had to choose daycare).

Anonymous wrote:OP: I have the same situation and my kids are older. I have found that having no family close to you makes you stronger as a family unit. FWIW. I have family who live right around us and they are so obnoxious and nasty that we never see them. It seems like your family values are strong. I think that your kids are very lucky to have you as parents.

Aw shucks. Thanks. . No kids yet, but we were planning on TTC later this year and I'm just really rethinking what my priorities have been.

Anonymous wrote:
I luckily grew up in a mid-sized city that has the benefits of DC in a smaller, less stressful package. So I look forward to moving back there, among family and friends. Nothing is more important than that. It happens at different times, but eventually most realize that this "important career" thing that we all do here is not really as important as we think it is. Life moves so quickly here and before you know it, 20 years go by and all you've done is work. Nothing can replace extended family birthdays, showers, weddings, weekend away at a rental, or just stopping over for dinner.

Again, I agree. I am very happy that I managed to travel, pick up a couple degrees, and start a good career. But when I think of what really matters, it's none of those things. And I can use those things to live closer to home. Not close, because as I mentioned previously, there are no job opportunities there, but closer so that we're just a little daytrip away.

[Anonymous]

OP thinking aloud again. One of my rationales for staying in DC other than our careers has been that at least we can put down roots here and X generations from now, then we'll have family roots here. That's starting to sound sillier now that I think about it as there's no guarantee my children will feel compelled to stay in DC after they finish school.

On top of that, when I see how much house and yard I can buy in other cities in the US for 500,000 I start asking myself what we are thinking wanting to buy in DC. 500,000 here would not get us a good public school system or much house, where closer to my family it buys both.

[Anonymous]

18:46

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our nearest family is 10 hours away. We were just lucky to move into a really great neighborhood when the kids were little. We party in the neighborhood, we have watched all the kids grow up in our neighborhood, we spend weekends outside visiting while we are doing yard work. Our neighborhood is our family after 20 years.

We are listing our house (I am the poster trying to decide about the granite) and we will miss them all so much! Have been through so many tragedies and great experiences together.

Reach out to your neighbors.

Luckily, this is the same for us too. I wish we lived closer to family, but we are lucky to have neighbors that feel like family. Without that, DH and I both say we would have surely moved out of DC by now.

[Anonymous]

Where do you guys live that your neighbors are that great "like family"?

[Anonymous]

Op, you will have no problem unless you try to use others for free child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you will have no problem unless you try to use others for free child care.

I don't get what this means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Isn't this most of us who are not originally from here? The problem with this area is that it's hard for friends to become a substitute. We are busier here. We work hard and long and have long commutes. Further, if your friends are not within 10 miles, it's hard to muster up the energy to visit with how bad traffic is.

I luckily grew up in a mid-sized city that has the benefits of DC in a smaller, less stressful package. So I look forward to moving back there, among family and friends. Nothing is more important than that. It happens at different times, but eventually most realize that this "important career" thing that we all do here is not really as important as we think it is. Life moves so quickly here and before you know it, 20 years go by and all you've done is work. Nothing can replace extended family birthdays, showers, weddings, weekend away at a rental, or just stopping over for dinner.

I'm from here, NoVA native. Still have no family in the area. I don't get why it's a big deal. My kids are 11 and 13. Sure, we could have used some free babysitting, and of course it would have been nice for the kids to be close to extended family, but who wants family up in all your business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm from here, NoVA native. Still have no family in the area. I don't get why it's a big deal. My kids are 11 and 13. Sure, we could have used some free babysitting, and of course it would have been nice for the kids to be close to extended family, but who wants family up in all your business?

Because some of us have close-knit families, value family relationships and don't see being close to their family as meaning they are "up in all your business."

[Anonymous]

17:58 - I would like to cut the cord, myself. Sometimes family can be too much. Especially for the other spouse who is so outnumbered!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm from here, NoVA native. Still have no family in the area. I don't get why it's a big deal. My kids are 11 and 13. Sure, we could have used some free babysitting, and of course it would have been nice for the kids to be close to extended family, but who wants family up in all your business?

Because some of us have close-knit families, value family relationships and don't see being close to their family as meaning they are "up in all your business."

My BIL and SIL are geographically close to my ILs. My ILs knew when they were going to marriage counselling because they babysat. I consider living 10 minutes away from either set of parents too close and yes, up in my business. I value my nuclear family's privacy.

[Anonymous]

After this weekend, I'm kinda glad my family is 2 oceans away... LOL

I grew up very close to my family too and miss them dearly but the memories we have is from our wonderful loving relationships with our relatives. We have no idea what our parents went through... And now I know exactly what my mom has been trying to tell me.

The biggest blessing is still to pick and choose who you want to see and when.

[Anonymous]

Neighbors. Often, I find that you have to be the one to reach out. Invite people over for a cookout or appetizers and drinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Same situation here. And no REALLY close friends either. We're used to it.

Same thing here.

Another same here. I guess if I liked my family, I'd be more affected.