No nearby family
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Anonymous
True! I guess you try not to be too pushy. With family you can do more...pretty much just show up. |
Anonymous
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Same problem here. I called my brother not long ago and his 5yo daughter (my only niece!!) yelled, "hey dad, it's that lady on the phone." I almost started crying! My brother and I are only a year apart and were always very close, but his kids barely remember me. My kids adore their cousins even though they hardly see them. I try to remember this might not be very different if we lived nearby - they are very social, the kids have lots of close family friends who get called 'Uncle' and 'Aunty' and they only see our other siblings in the area on an occasional basis. Still, it seems unfortunate. My kids are at the age where they feel really shafted at Xmas when it's just us, and there's not much I can do (other than spend thousands on plane fare every month or two) to avoid that.
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Anonymous
| I have a lot of friends with similarly aged kids. My family is a 3-hour plane ride away and dad's family is 6 hours away by car. We see dad's family every 4-6 weeks, but our real support network is our friends here. We might go a week or two without having any playdates, but then we usually catch up. You have to be proactive - I put stuff out on facebook if we're going somewhere fun and people often join us. I imagine as my daughter gets a bit older, we might have more playdates with the kids from school, too. |
Anonymous
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I grew up this way, and I didn't feel bad about it - I didn't know any different. It felt incredibly special when I did see my cousins every few years. We did have a close group of family friends (through my mother) and we did some regular holiday celebrations with them (regular 4th of July bbqs, etc) which were fun.
This was our story in DC too, but we ended up moving back closer to family once we had a couple of kids. Being close to family has been a huge gift especially during these years while the kids are little and my parents are still active. |
Anonymous
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I grew up around extended family also, OP. It is difficult not doing so.
I have a friend in the same situation. Except she is terminally ill. No family nearby. She has a sitter pt so she can get much needed rest. Everything is exhausting to her, mostly because of her medicines that keep her alive for now. [This is not hypochondria, this is a terminal illness.] She had one or two neighbors actually try to scam her sitter! Those same neighbors (get this) actually have their own family on the same street. This poor woman is dying, and they pulled that crap. I feel so sad for her. Those who have family nearby have no idea. Perhaps this makes them even more selfish and entitled? There really needs to be a support group for those without. |
Anonymous
| Friends. I didn't have it growing up, so I don't miss it, frankly. |
Anonymous
| We're in that boat. There are a few friends to whom we'd be much closer but we don't live in the same neighborhood. With traffic and schedules, it's not so easy to get together and in any case, it takes planning. We've made some friends with DCs' preschool friends' parents and that helps. But basically yes, we feel lonely. We do Skype and travel a lot to see family. |
Anonymous
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Our nearest family is 10 hours away. We were just lucky to move into a really great neighborhood when the kids were little. We party in the neighborhood, we have watched all the kids grow up in our neighborhood, we spend weekends outside visiting while we are doing yard work. Our neighborhood is our family after 20 years.
We are listing our house (I am the poster trying to decide about the granite) and we will miss them all so much! Have been through so many tragedies and great experiences together. Reach out to your neighbors. |
Anonymous
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14:59 - not everyone is as fortunate as you, akin to those who have family nearby! We have neither.
It's not us, as we have many good loyal, decent friends with whom we have been blessed, thankfully. They share our values not just in words but in actions. Our friends have been priceless through all we have been through. |
Anonymous
| We're in the same boat and over a few years have developed close friendships with our neighbors. Still, we want DC to be closer to extended family (closest Grandparents are now 8 hours away, closest cousins 11 hours away). We are getting ready to put our house on the market and move. We'll be 30 miutes away from one set of grandparents, 11 hours away from the other set (an iprovement). |
Anonymous
OP here. Sometimes I think about moving closer to home - maybe a 3 - 5 hour drive from my family, but certainly better than what it is now - but I think it will be years before we are able to do that. Both our careers are at a point where we aren't going anywhere any time soon. Once we get out of apt life and into a home, we will just try to be active in neighborhood life. But for me, it's starting to feel like nothing substitutes for your parents, siblings, cousins, etc. Not even phone calls and Skype several times a week. 
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Anonymous
| OP: I have the same situation and my kids are older. I have found that having no family close to you makes you stronger as a family unit. FWIW. I have family who live right around us and they are so obnoxious and nasty that we never see them. It seems like your family values are strong. I think that your kids are very lucky to have you as parents. |
polarboogie
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| Same thing here. We go see my family a couple times a year. DHs parents passed and his family is scattered all over. Mine is all in one place. For the most part, close friends. It's taken quite some time but I have a few very close friends wo we spend holidays with. Im also a member of a local moms group so I have a group of ladies I can vent to when needed. One of my close friends is a neighbor. I had to go over and introduce myself a couple years ago but after I had kids, I really wanted him to know the kids in the neighborhood so I got over myself and just did it. It certainly didn't happen overnight, but we've grown closer and it's so nice to know that in case of an emergency, we can have her watch the kids, etc. |
Anonymous
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Isn't this most of us who are not originally from here? The problem with this area is that it's hard for friends to become a substitute. We are busier here. We work hard and long and have long commutes. Further, if your friends are not within 10 miles, it's hard to muster up the energy to visit with how bad traffic is.
I luckily grew up in a mid-sized city that has the benefits of DC in a smaller, less stressful package. So I look forward to moving back there, among family and friends. Nothing is more important than that. It happens at different times, but eventually most realize that this "important career" thing that we all do here is not really as important as we think it is. Life moves so quickly here and before you know it, 20 years go by and all you've done is work. Nothing can replace extended family birthdays, showers, weddings, weekend away at a rental, or just stopping over for dinner. |
Anonymous
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I've heard it said before that people from other countries cannot believe how decoupled families are here. In many cultures, it's unheard of for people to live in different neighborhoods let along thousands of miles away in a different state. Think about how many cultures have many generations sharing the same house. Here in the US with many Asian families in particular, notice how many multi-generational families travel together.
There are so many benefits. No one needs to go into a nursing home, babysitters aren't needed. Younger generation learns traditions and history from the older. Shared costs. My grandparents watched me a lot when I was younger and I got to know them in a way I never would have if I only saw them a couple times per year. Seriously people, family is everything. What are we all doing? |