Why 2 ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Commend that post? Are you kidding? Quit while you are ahead?? Why is a post more genuine because it is negative? I am going to assume she is negative because her situation is rough but I also know people with special needs children that say their special needs child has made their life better in so many ways. But again, who says you are going to have a special needs child as the odds are that you will have a healthy child.

I agree, this post is very disgusting to me. What kind of a person are you to attack a mom who is raising a special needs child? She is just giving her point of view. I really admire all of the moms out there who are in her situation. You could not know until you are in her shoes. Just give it a break!

[Anonymous]

OP here no need for anyone to get testy. I completely understand what 15:52 is saying and appreciate the comments. I also understand that if you haven't been through a high risk pregnancy, NICU or special needs situation, it is very hard to understand.

Gambling and playing odds is a good way to describe this. Both our kids were preemies, NICU stays, high risk stressful pregnancy, long bedrest, and emergency inductions when it got too bad. We are extremely, incredibly lucky though that both are healthy and appear to have avoid developmental delays. It would be unlikely for our third pregnancy to be normal. We would be hoping to get to 35 weeks and praying not to have a micro preemie or worse outcome. Normal pregnancy doesn't seem to be in the cards here.

I do know women from support groups who have had several subsequent preemies, 25 weekers, lost preemie infants in the NICU, lost 22 weekers, and so on. Others have had five kids though with mutliple NICU stays, and long term medical issues for the kids. It is possible, we just know we don't have the strength to go through this even though we would like a third. With two children it doesn't seem fair to them either.

This hard to describe but sometimes I wonder if we want a third more because we shouldn't have one. When we think, gee wouldn't it be great to have a third, the next thought is there is no way considering what would happen and what we went through to have the first two. We don't really get to the step of normal pros and cons which is what I was looking for in the post and many of the replies have been helpful.

[Anonymous]

For the OP,

It's clear that you know that it would be very difficult to have a third. So I think what will help you most is to come to peace with the family you have. You have two great kids and a great husband. At some point, try to let go of the desire to have more and be happy with the family you have. I know you know this, but I only say it because it would be a shame to live with regrets when you already have such a terrific family.

I have just one child and I love him and I never look back. I get pressure from family that "you have to have two" and I've been told by friends "How can you be happy with just one?" But for me, he's so wonderful. Why do I need more? G-d has been so gracious to bless me with this dear child. I'm grateful. And satisfied.

Hopefully you can get there too (with your husband). If you decide to try again or adopt, that's okay too. Just try to take the pressure off yourself.

Good luck and best wishes.

[Anonymous]

OP - Just a situation here that sounds very similar to yours. My DD was one of 2 children, and my MIL was unable to have a 3rd. Multiple miscarriages, stillbirths, horrible stuff. Perhaps because they couldn't, and due to family circumstances, they desperately wanted what they could not have. So they adopted.
While of course they love their adopted child, he is, as a PP put it, Door #3. They found out years later that his mom had done drugs while pregnant. He's had multiple problems as a result. He has really changed their lives, and will require care and supervision for the rest of their lives.
I"m NOT putting down adoption here, and I really am not trying to start a debate. But just putting in the idea that sometimes if life hands you 2 healthy kids, and a 3rd would be a risk to mother and child, thank your lucky stars that you have what you do.