Why 2 ?

[Anonymous]

I have a 2 and 4 year old and have to say it def. gets easier. I am also expecting our third little boy in May. We decided to go for the third bc my kids have a very small family and no cousins right now. There is a chance of some in the future but the age gap not to mention the distance will probably not lend itself to a close relationship. Watching them play together makes me smile and can only hope that another brother will add to our chaotic home. However, two has its advantanges. Whatever happens happens but being blessed with 2 children is a gift no matter how you look at it.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, interesting to see this post. I thought about posting the same question recently. I am in the same boat, age 40 with 2 wonderful healthy children but still having that pull to have another. I always wanted to have three. My husband is not so enthusiastic at this point, however, since our children are still relatively young and they are close in age. I'm also not excited about the thought of having a newborn and having to nurse through the night for 3 or 4 months. I found the young infant stage to be amazing but exhausting. I can think of many benefits of sticking with two at this point. One is the ability to have time with your individual children. I myself was one of three but I was the oldest. We are very close in age. I am very close with my siblings now. When I think back on our childhood together I can literally think of only one time I spent an afternoon doing something just myself with my mother. I'd like to be able to do some things with each of my children on their own from time to time. I also never did things like take ballet or gymnastics classes because there was not enough money for that with 3 kids close in age. I remember how much I wanted to do those kinds of things. So it's a trade off that way. If I were a few years younger or my husband was more enthusiastic, I would probably be going for it. As it is my husband feels overloaded with these two busy spirited kids! I have friends who have four kids and when I see their holiday cards with all those beautiful children, I feel envious. On the other hand, I do have a good friend who was unable to have biological children and her husband refused to adopt. So she will never have the opportunity to parent. When I think about her I feel an embarrassment of riches. Two beautiful children is nothing to sneeze at! Good luck!

[Anonymous]

We are done at one. I feel like I get a break sometimes because we are two on one and one of us can take a break and go somewhere or do an errand while the other one watches the baby. I am impressed by people who can have 3 or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are done at one. I feel like I get a break sometimes because we are two on one and one of us can take a break and go somewhere or do an errand while the other one watches the baby. I am impressed by people who can have 3 or more.

We are also done at one. I think many people want at least two because they want their first child to have a sibling (and I've also heard concern about who their first child will have as family after the parents have passed away).

For me, we love having just one child. We can afford one and really make sure she has what she needs to go to college. We are able to spend time with her without being spread too thin. We love that we can go on major trips and vacations with her that we could never afford if we had two or more children. And right now, these trips are mostly for her...she's still a toddler so we can stay in hotels with a pool and take low-key vacations that are fun for her. When she gets older, the three of us can easily go to Disney or Europe or anywhere. I also like that I can take her to the circus and other events I enjoyed as a child that have gotten so insanely expensive (have you seen how much it costs to go to the circus now?). If we had more than one child, we couldn't afford it.

But outside the costs, even if we had all the money in the world, we are just really happy with one child. For us, it's a fit.

As for family, she has many cousins and relatives nearby so she can develop those relationships.

I know some women (and men) want many children, but that's never been my dream. I always wanted a child to share things with. Just one.

[Anonymous]

OP - you posed a very interesting question and I loved reading through the responses. Of course this is a personal decision that you need to make on your own at the end of the day. One theme that I haven't seen addressed yet is that I think it is very smart of you to think of age -and by no means am I being ageist (I'm closer to 40 myself than 30). My mother had her second child (my younger sister) at age 45. My sister's best friend's mother had the friend when she was 40. Although both my sister and her friend are healthy and both moms had normal problem free pregnancies, there is more to consider with being an older mother. I just came home from spending Christmas weekend with my mom (and saw the friend's mom too) and now that they are in their 60s, they are both totally exhausted. Granted both my sister and her friend are a handful (they are 22 and still a handful) and so not every older parent is going to face the same situation, but I definitely think considering age (and energy level) is important.

[Anonymous]

This is a very personal decision, of course. I think many people feel it is most responsible to stop at two, thereby "replacing" the two parents but not contributing further to population growth. I've probably said "Oh I admire people who can have more kids than that," but if I reflect on it I don't particularly admire it. I suppose it is admirable to want one child(ren) to have close sibling relationships, etc., but one cannot control that and having more children is no guarantee of it. I personally would be happy and grateful to have two healthy children and find other ways to build family and community outside of that. But to each her own.

[Anonymous]

Sorry I have to jump in on the age question in reference to energy. That is totally personal--I seem some people in their twenties acting like senior citizens and some people in their sixties who are completely on the go.--that would be my folks by the way. I marvel how much energy they have and they say that "life is for living" and that if you act tired, you will be tired. This isn't to say that someone should run out and have a child in their forties--it's personal but I would not buy into the theory that you shouldn't have a child because you won't have the energy unless you yourself are a low energy person. In the end, have a child because you want to add to your family and ignore any naysayers--same token, don't feel pressured to have a child because everyone tells you that you need to add to your family ex. the single child pressure.

[Anonymous]

I grew up one of three children and loved it and wish I could handle more, but we're stopping at two.

The main reason is I grew up with 'a village' and now all my family is hours away. My grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins all lived within walking distance or at most 20 minutes by car so my parents had lots of support and help.

Other reasons that really have to do with not having close family support but wanted to mention anyway:

a. I prefer life to be manageable. With two:
- We can afford for one of us to stay home
- We don't need a bigger house
- We don't need a bigger car
- We can "divide and conquer"
- We can adequately save for our retirement and their college so we're not a burden to them and they have help to pursue their education

b. If (God forbid) one child gets sick or has special needs, we feel we can give both children the care and attention they need.

c. I am not a fan of being pregnant. I was sick and tired for a year and it's a drag for me and my whole family.

d. Life may be short. With two very young children I miss having some extra time for reading, gardening, going to the gym, movies, travel, etc but know that as my children grow I get a little of that time back to pursue other things beside parenting. One more child means more delay of that personal time.

[miriamcmilli]

I come from a big family and knew from the beginning that I did not want anymore than 2 or 3 kids. I think everyone dreams of one boy and one girl and I always preferred boys over girls but here I am today with 2 girls. I to have had many complications and as much as I would like to try for a boy I just do not think it is ever going to happen...and I have actually just learned to be appreciative of the two wonderful and intelligent and beautiful... and HEALTHY two girls that I have...of course you always think about it but I think you will be ok. In fact my husband and I are considering adoption one day. Good luck and take care!

[Anonymous]

Every time you have a child, you roll the dice. Not that I'd ever give my second one back (I adore him and my life would not be anywhere near as meaningful without him), but he was born with multiple medical, physical, and learning disabilities, and our family's life changed metaphysical dimensions when he was born. Life would have been so different without him that it really would have been lived out in an alternative universe. The advice I always give is to quit while you're ahead. If you have two healthy children, think about whether you are prepared to have a third child who comes with special needs. Or multiples, which can double your brood or more. I'm really not trying to be a wet blanket here, and I hope you'll take this in the spirit in which I offer it, but maybe you don't need to see what's behind door number three. Maybe you can just be content with what you've already won.

[Anonymous]

I commend poster 15:52. It was one of the few posts on this site I have ever read that was genuine and honest and made me think. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Commend that post? Are you kidding? Quit while you are ahead?? Why is a post more genuine because it is negative? I am going to assume she is negative because her situation is rough but I also know people with special needs children that say their special needs child has made their life better in so many ways. But again, who says you are going to have a special needs child as the odds are that you will have a healthy child.

[Anonymous]

This is 15:52. I thought OP said she can't really have a third child and wants to feel better about it. I was pointing out how having a child, like many other things in life of course, involves taking a bit of a gamble, and that maybe it's okay to walk away with one's winnings. It was a metaphor. I am genuine, and my situation is rough. But I don't think my post was negative. It was not meant to be, but I did qualify it with "I don't mean to be a wet blanket" because I anticipated that some might think my perspective was depressing. I think I'm realistic. I'm also a joyful person and I love my children.

[Anonymous]

PP 18:23 and 15:52: I hear you!

We are stopping with two, in all fairness to them...and one with challenges..

Happy New Year!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Commend that post? Are you kidding? Quit while you are ahead?? Why is a post more genuine because it is negative? I am going to assume she is negative because her situation is rough but I also know people with special needs children that say their special needs child has made their life better in so many ways. But again, who says you are going to have a special needs child as the odds are that you will have a healthy child.

Give it a break, will ya? 15:52 was being kind. She wasn't saying anything as you misinterpreted. Take a step back and stop the attacking once in a while. Thanks.