Last name debate

[Anonymous]

Having a different name than my son is totally not an issue. At all. I like my ethnic name and didn't want to lose that, either.

I'm totally relaxed and answer to his name when addressed by it. I don't care.

10:40 has some great advice. I would think it could get very confusing if you are using a "fake" name professionally (yeah, it is your old name, but not the one on your passport, your legal signature...). It would seem likely to create problems. It would be a complete hassle to have someone like you enter my workplace (i.e. the appt form name wouldn't match the ssn... then they wouldn't let you in, and we'd end up meeting in a cafe which would limit our ability to speak freely...).

In our circle, most of the spouses don't share a last name and the children generally have the dad's name. No one cares, and no one thinks twice. I know a lot of us agonized about this at one point - and it turned out not to matter.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name, and my son is one of the hyphenated masses.

I fought tooth and nail for that hyphen. Why? Because he's my son, too, and I'm the one who muscled him onto the planet, that's why.

[Anonymous]

I have kept my maiden name professionally. It is possible for you to do that. I looked into it and there is no law against keep a separate professional name. The only downside is when it comes to taxes. Otherwise, you don't even need any paperwork for anything.
So if you change your name for everything else, say for example you are Dr X, you can still be Mrs Y for bank records, drivers license etc....
Children have my husbands last name, we did not hyphanate. I tried hyphenating mine and it didn't feel or sound right. so I kept my maiden name for professional and otherwise.

[Anonymous]

The last name thing can be tough! We gave our daughter my last name (I kept it) as her middle and husband's last name as her last name. We have just decided to change it so that her last name is: mine-his but without the hypen. Frankly, it bummed me out that her last name was his, plus, it sounds much better to have them together than his alone. So she will now have a differerent last name from both of us...... oh well!

[Anonymous]

I just wonder if this will all change 30 years from now and our daughters will be giving their children their lastnames. This seems like one of the last stronghold cultural gender issues that clearly favor being male. When you think of it, the expectation that the child always receives dad's name and maybe mom's as a middle doesn't reflect equality. Ironic since women still do more of the household and child related tasks even if they are making equal money.

In our case we side stepped the issue since my lastname is very long, hard to pronounce, everyone gets it wrong, it takes 20 minutes when ordering food or making reservations, etc. DH lastname's a short, simple and sounded good with many names. I kept my lastname, annoying as it is, because it just felt odd to change my name professionally. Kids have just DH's name because I didn't want them to have a long last name or middle name. If the reverse had been true, I think I would have pushed for them to take my name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On my social security card all four names are on there - so officially I never "dropped" a name. On my license it just has my first, maiden and last name. I didn't like the idea of just getting rid of my given middle name, so it's officially there, but I rarely use it on legal documents.

Sorry to hijack the thread. How were you able to get the SS card with a different name than is on your driver's license? I dropped my maiden name upon marriage (keeping my middle name and adding my husband's last name), and regretted losing the maiden name after (and I never really used my middle name). I still want to keep my husband's last name, but want to put the maiden name back. It seems easiest just to add it in and keep all the other names, as you did on your SS card. But I recall that my license was my proof of identity under that name for the SS office...so how do you have different names on each?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I also have very ethnically divergent last names--me, Chinese and him, Lebanese. Our oldest daughter has my last name as her middle name; and her twin siblings (expecting in Nov) will also have my last name as their middle name. This way, their ethnicity/background is implied, but not awkwardly hyphenated.