Last name debate

[Anonymous]

Reaching out to the collective wisdom of DCUM. I understand there was a topic about hyphenating baby's last name a couple of years ago - my issue is related but a bit different.

When DH and I got married I chose to keep my maiden name, mostly for professional reasons but also because, at the time, changing names felt like losing a part of my identity. Now that I'm pregnant I don't like the idea of having a different name than my child but feel like I'd like to retain my maiden name in my professional life. Does anyone have an experience like this where they legally change their name but still use their maiden name in a professional context? I imagine all kinds of complications on tax forms, health insurance, etc, etc. but am wondering if it's doable.

Of course we could always hyphenate baby's last name but with 2 very different and ethnic last names (Swedish and Lebanese) it is a bit of a mouthful and just doesn't sound good.

Any other creative suggestions out there?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the collective wisdom of DCUM. I understand there was a topic about hyphenating baby's last name a couple of years ago - my issue is related but a bit different.

When DH and I got married I chose to keep my maiden name, mostly for professional reasons but also because, at the time, changing names felt like losing a part of my identity. Now that I'm pregnant I don't like the idea of having a different name than my child but feel like I'd like to retain my maiden name in my professional life. Does anyone have an experience like this where they legally change their name but still use their maiden name in a professional context? I imagine all kinds of complications on tax forms, health insurance, etc, etc. but am wondering if it's doable.

Of course we could always hyphenate baby's last name but with 2 very different and ethnic last names (Swedish and Lebanese) it is a bit of a mouthful and just doesn't sound good.

Any other creative suggestions out there?

Thanks!

Is it too late for you to change your name and take your husband's last name? You might still be able to do it, I don't think there is a deadline on this. And then, all of you can have the same last name, the child would take your husband's name as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reaching out to the collective wisdom of DCUM. I understand there was a topic about hyphenating baby's last name a couple of years ago - my issue is related but a bit different.

When DH and I got married I chose to keep my maiden name, mostly for professional reasons but also because, at the time, changing names felt like losing a part of my identity. Now that I'm pregnant I don't like the idea of having a different name than my child but feel like I'd like to retain my maiden name in my professional life. Does anyone have an experience like this where they legally change their name but still use their maiden name in a professional context? I imagine all kinds of complications on tax forms, health insurance, etc, etc. but am wondering if it's doable.

Of course we could always hyphenate baby's last name but with 2 very different and ethnic last names (Swedish and Lebanese) it is a bit of a mouthful and just doesn't sound good.

Any other creative suggestions out there?

Thanks!

Is it too late for you to change your name and take your husband's last name? You might still be able to do it, I don't think there is a deadline on this. And then, all of you can have the same last name, the child would take your husband's name as well.

I'm sure she's aware of this. It's never too late to change your name. But she's asking if she can continue to use her maiden name professionally.

[Anonymous]

I have two children and continue to keep my maiden name. We didn't hyphenate, and I have never had any issues where I have needed to prove that I was their mother due to having a different name from them (don't know if this is your concern).

[Anonymous]

OP congratulations on your pregnancy! How about changing your name so that your last name becomes you middle name, and take DH's last name as yours. That way you can still maintain your last name, and also have the same last name as your DC. A recently married friend of mine did this, and plans to use her original last name (now middle name) as her professional name.

You do have to pay a fee for name changes, but you can do this at any point in your life. In addition to the actual legal change, you would need to change over your passport, license, credit cards, etc (which can be some work) but once it's done, it's done and hopefully you'll be happy with the decision you made. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I did what the PP mentioned.

My maiden name is my middle name and my last name is DH's last name. Also, DS has my maiden name as his middle name.

I've kept my maiden name for professional reasons and haven't had any problems. My credit cards, social security card, etc. all have my First Name/Maiden Name/Married Name.

[Anonymous]

When DH and I married I "added" his name to mine, but instead of a hyphen there is just a space. I kept my given middle name as well. My "new" name is a bit of a mouthfull so while I technically use the full name on all documents, etc, I'm commonly known professionally by my maiden name. I always introduce myself social with my married name (my DDs name). The only confusion I have found is sometimes I have to tell someone where to find my name alphabetically because I'm not under the same letter as my DD, if that makes sense. This solution worked well for our family and I feel like it will be a long time until my children realize I have a different last name. My sister liked this so much she did the same thing when she recently married.

[Anonymous]

I changed my name when I got married, but I made my maiden name my middle name. At work I go by both my maiden and married name together. IE Barbara Smith Jones, but personally I just use Jones (these are made up names). I would have probably just kept my maiden name to use at work, but I work for the government and have to deal with security clearances and getting cleared into other agency's buildings, so I needed to use my legal name....however using both my maiden (which is my middle name) and last name together has worked well for me.

[Anonymous]

If you're planning to use your maiden name professionally, I wouldn't legally change it and would just use your husband's name socially. Like many other people on the board I made my maiden name my middle name and took his last name. I insist on using both professionally but am flexible about it socially.

[Anonymous]

I do this (legally changed name to maiden middle plus husband's last, kept maiden as last name professionally). It hasn't been that big of a problem - I explained the situation to HR and made sure that my tax documents and health insurance stuff are in my legal (husband's) name, as that's the name that's linked to my SSN. I've got my maiden name in my email address, voicemail system and in the company directory. I suppose it would be tougher if you had professional licensing to consider.

[Anonymous]

Initially, I tried just adding my husband's already 2-part last name to mine, but it got confusing as people didn't know what my last name was. Or they only looked at the last word of husband's 2-part last name which was completely wrong, so I ended up just changing to my husband's last name.

[Anonymous]

I kept my last name and haven't had any issues dealing with DC having a different last name.

One thing you might want to do is check with your HR department about their policy on this. If you legally change your name it will be on all your documents/forms. If you want to keep using your last name professionally, you want to make sure that you can be listed as your maiden name in things like phone books, e-mail, etc. This was an issue at my work. Women were listed by their legal name even if they wanted to use their maiden name professionally. It made them more difficult to locate if you didn't know their new name. But after the issue was brought up, they seem to be taking steps to resolve it.

[Anonymous]

I legally changed my name to my husband's upon marriage (SS, license, etc.), but use my maiden name professionally. It did cause some confusion with bar registries, etc., but it wasn't too complicated to figure out. I, too, am expecting my first child and have made a greater effort over the last few months to get into the habit of using my husband's name more often socially and when we're doing anything related to our future child. I don't think it will be confusing in the future, as I see my maiden name in use professionally only, but anything related to kids, family, or socially will be my husband's name.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thanks for all the great advice and experience. It's good to know that I can keep my maiden name for professional purposes without too much trouble. It just so happens that in my group of friends - all the women that took their husband's name upon marriage have kids and all the women that hyphenated, kept their maiden names or moved their maiden name to the their middle name (ala Hillary Rodham Clinton) haven't yet had children. Funny coincidince I think.

So, a silly follow up question to those who moved your maiden name to your middle name - what did you do with your original middle name? Is it still on your official documents? And which do you use when asked for your middle initial?

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I know many, many women who kept their maiden names and have children, myself included. My kids' friends call me "Mrs. DH's last name." I don't bother to correct adults if they refer to me by the wrong last name. But I like my name - which truly reflects my ethnic heritage - and don't plan to change it. Oh, and I am a SAHM.

50 years ago, my mother changed her name to my dad's by moving her maiden name to the middle position. She actually went by her middle name, so she dropped her first name. Her legal name is Middle Maiden Surname. Your maiden name would be your new middle and would thus be the initial you use.