I need a reality check re: daycare

[Anonymous]

OP, I would be concerned too. You saw a little one in distress being ignored and it gave you pause for concern. I applaud you not ignoring the situation and inquiring. I agree that you should pop in periodically and see if this was a rare occasion (not necessarily with that same child but in general) or if you might be on to something greater with the teachers/assistants in this particular class. I, for one, am very glad you didn't look the other way and choose to ignore the problem. If it were my child, I would be very glad you took a moment to comfort him/her because (in the best case scenerio) the staff was just too busy at that moment but would have gotten there as quickly as time/preperation/needs allowed. So, disregard this unkind, mean-spirited posts. I would have reacted the same way you did, in that setting or no doubt any setting where a little one was in distress, if just to investigate and make certain everything was okay. I'd rather be an inquiring nuisance (over caring, possibly over reacting) then ignore and walk away from something that needed attention.

[Anonymous]

OP, was someone actually getting the baby's food ready?

[Anonymous]

OP, If I was in your place, I would try to drop in randomly during the day to check up on your own baby and see how he/she is being treated. My DS has been in daycare since 5 months and I do know there are some babies that tend to cry and complian more than others. Perhaps these DC would be better off in a one on one care setting. However, my DS rarely cried and in accordance with my random observation was well responded to when he did cry on occasion. He has thrived in daycare and loves it and I wouldn't have it any other way. However, if he was one of the babies that tended to cry more, I would have probably re-thought my decision. So, basically, I think you should assess how your own baby is doing in daycare. I don't mean to sound cold and if you observe something taht bothers you abou another child, by all means pass that info along to their parents, however, I wouldn't be upset or think the care was wrong for your child unless he/she was the one upset.

[Anonymous]

I think it's a reality of daycare and of life that babies will need to cry from time to time while their caregiver is attending to other things like preparing food. But, I would think the Daycare providers would at least want to give the appearance of being 100% responsive when a parent is in the room by, for example, acknowledging the crying child with a couple soothing words like "I know you're hungry johnny, I'll be right there with your lunch." I would think the caregiver would be aware that a parent could easily misjudge the situation. If they don't care about that, makes me wonder what goes on when parents aren't around. Is that fair to say? I could be wrong - just throwing it out there.

[Anonymous]

OP - I don't blame you. I'd feel the same way. I personally think it is a bit of the reality in a center - they just can't attend to everyone at once so someone has to wait. Honestly, that's why - after two attempts at center environments - I chose to put my son in a small in-home care. I just didn't care for the mass care setting where all the kids have to do what's best for the group, particularly with things like nap times and sleeping arrangments which is where we ran into some definite snags. We were much happier with the smaller setting when he was still in the baby stage, though now he is getting ready to re-enter a preschool-type center setting (which I am a bit nervous about, but know is he much more ready for now). But I know many parents are very happy with centers, so to each their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'm not sure what you can expect when kids are all thrown in a room together and outnumber their caregiver(s)--of course some will get ignored, even when crying.

I will never understand why people who are so anti-daycare (many of whom have probably never set foot in one) feel the need to post on daycare threads. But anyway. It's not just a matter of being outnumbered. Even when I was a SAHM with only one child, I couldn't possibly attend to his every need and prevent him from crying at all times. Hunger is actually the #1 reason (IMO) when it is acceptable to let them cry--assuming you are in the process of getting food ready. Picking them up only makes the process of getting food ready take longer, and is probably less safe if you try to multitask.

Why is that comment anti-daycare? Do children not outnumber their caregivers in daycare?

Because she chose to use the loaded word - "ignore."

Read the original post: OP used the word "ignore," as in her statement "All the teachers were ignoring him." So I quoted her.

And yes, kids outnumber their parents, too, sometimes, and they get ignored. I did not say otherwise. Hell, I never even used the word "daycare" in my post. My point was only to point out that it is inevitable that kids will get "ignored," or "have to wait for attention," or however you want to characterize it, when they outnumber those taking care of them. So it's not all that surprising. Seems like a little knee-jerk defensiveness to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly overreacting. Any parent at home (working parent or not) will not be able to attend to a crying child 100% of the time. geez.

Huh? Of course you can. You just stop what you're doing and hold/comfort him of her. Are you kidding?

WOULD HATE TO BE IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD -- NOTHING WOULD GET DONE. JUST A BUNCH OF CODEPENDANT PEOPLE COMFORTING EACH OTHER ALL DAY LONG.

I completely agree with this and this is probably the parent that will let her child run the household when their 4 or 5 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you should say something immediately to the Director. Do you mind sharing which daycare you are using? We love our two lead teachers but this summer they have a less than stellar sub covering vacation time.

Please do not share what daycare this is. Are you serious? Would you want someone writing in for thousands of people to see on what your up to at work. Why try to ruin an establishment's reputation. It is ok if a baby cries. Especially in an infant room, their is always someone crying. They could have just put the baby back down and the baby could have just started crying again when the mom walked in. To ask for the name of the daycare on a public forum is terrible when they did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should say something immediately to the Director. Do you mind sharing which daycare you are using? We love our two lead teachers but this summer they have a less than stellar sub covering vacation time.

Please do not share what daycare this is. Are you serious? Would you want someone writing in for thousands of people to see on what your up to at work. Why try to ruin an establishment's reputation. It is ok if a baby cries. Especially in an infant room, their is always someone crying. They could have just put the baby back down and the baby could have just started crying again when the mom walked in. To ask for the name of the daycare on a public forum is terrible when they did nothing wrong.

I agree with you completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I don't blame you. I'd feel the same way. I personally think it is a bit of the reality in a center - they just can't attend to everyone at once so someone has to wait. Honestly, that's why - after two attempts at center environments - I chose to put my son in a small in-home care. I just didn't care for the mass care setting where all the kids have to do what's best for the group, particularly with things like nap times and sleeping arrangments which is where we ran into some definite snags. We were much happier with the smaller setting when he was still in the baby stage, though now he is getting ready to re-enter a preschool-type center setting (which I am a bit nervous about, but know is he much more ready for now). But I know many parents are very happy with centers, so to each their own.

I don't know about all daycares and any in-home cares, but I think it is a mistake to generalize about any one place. I think you have to use your judgement, do your research and go with your gut. We have gone to the same daycare for 5 years now. Yes, at first, when it was new to us and we had a new precious infant, we were very anxious and worried, like the OP may be. I think that is the right and responsible thing for any parent to ask those questions. But I think a good approach is to observe, talk to more tenure parents and the director. Have the dialogue in a calm rational manner.

Our daycare is very well staffed. This is important. This staffing also builds in check and balances. But also do your due diligence, drop in as you feel necessary. Hang out and effectively communicate your expectations. The daycares that have acreditations above the required certifications give your added assurances that even in-home care can't give. But there can be a gem of a in-home care that exceeds any other daycare in the area. It all just depends.

But I think it is important to note that most daycare centers are not mass care settings.

I agree with the PP above. It is what you are comfortable with whether is be staying home, daycare, in home care or nanny. Good and bad situations can result from any of these avenues. Do your due diligence in a responsible and adult-like manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I'm not sure what you can expect when kids are all thrown in a room together and outnumber their caregiver(s)--of course some will get ignored, even when crying.

My neighbor who stays at home with her kids are outnumbered. They are always thrown into a fenced in small backyard and screaming all afternoon, while the mother is on the phone for one to two hours at a time.

[Anonymous]

I can understand where the OP is coming from. If this were my child, and I knew that he/she were crying because they were hungry, I might pick him/her up while I was preparing lunch, or at the very least talk to him/her while I was preparing the food and acknowledge that I heard them and was doing something about it.

[Anonymous]

I agree that it is a good idea for the OP to drop in unannounced at varying times, just so she can get a good idea of the situation Was this an isolated incidence? Does this happen with other babies also? Or is this really a situation where there is one child who cries all the time and was impatient for her food.

There are some kids who cry a lot. Some want to be comforted, but I have also seen others who just cry and actually recover better if left alone for a few minutes (depending on why they are crying). They are in the minority, but a friend of mine had one and I saw this kid on almost a daily basis.