Why is it OK to tell someone they look so skinny?

[Anonymous]

(OP again): My mom just really drilled it into my head- if you are going to comment, make sure that it is something they can change right there (such as "you have a piece of broccoli in your teeth", not "your nose is really big."). I guess I've just applied this to everything as related to appearance.

[Anonymous]

OP, it bugs me too, for the reasons your mom said. It doesn't bother me in a "That hurts my feelings" way, because it doesn't hurt my feelings, but it's just annoying! Like what do they want me to do, put on 10 pounds in the next 12 seconds to make them happy? My mother in law tells me every time she sees me, "If you lose any more weight you'll blow away!" I've been the same weight since my DC was 8 weeks old, I'm not sure what she wants me to do!

(Sending good thoughts your way that your diagnosis is NOT stomach cancer, BTW.)

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally agree with you. It's frustrating when people are clearly *not* complimenting you but seem to think it's ok because they are masking it in the whole "you're so skinny" faux compliment. This has happened to me my whole life. Often, it is accompanied by a to-my-face discussion by the men present of whether or not they'd rather have a woman with curves or a 'little meat on her' (I also have small breasts). Wish I had a nickel for every time I've bitten my lip not to say, "Oh, thanks! You, though, complimenter, you're so *heavy* -- that must be so *nice* to be so curvy!" Which, of course, is somehow socially unacceptable -- folks can say to women's faces that they are too skinny -- but never, ever that they are too fat. Whatever. People are just mean, and somehow it's socially acceptable to rail on ectomorphs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally agree with you. It's frustrating when people are clearly *not* complimenting you but seem to think it's ok because they are masking it in the whole "you're so skinny" faux compliment. This has happened to me my whole life. Often, it is accompanied by a to-my-face discussion by the men present of whether or not they'd rather have a woman with curves or a 'little meat on her' (I also have small breasts). Wish I had a nickel for every time I've bitten my lip not to say, "Oh, thanks! You, though, complimenter, you're so *heavy* -- that must be so *nice* to be so curvy!" Which, of course, is somehow socially unacceptable -- folks can say to women's faces that they are too skinny -- but never, ever that they are too fat. Whatever. People are just mean, and somehow it's socially acceptable to rail on ectomorphs.

Yes, that is exactly it, thank you for putting it more clearly that I did (and I also have small breasts, so I have heard that too)!

[Anonymous]

Well intend people used to ask me if I had an eating disorder when I was in my early 20s. I'm naturally thin. I did not dwell on it like you all do, looking back to did look a bit sickly, but there was nothing I could do. Babies helped that and helped me look like a woman, but leading up to it, sometimes people do look a bit unhealthy when they are super skinny. People were just concerned. I knew I was healthy and eating right, so I never really worried about what others had to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well intend people used to ask me if I had an eating disorder when I was in my early 20s. I'm naturally thin. I did not dwell on it like you all do, looking back to did look a bit sickly, but there was nothing I could do. Babies helped that and helped me look like a woman, but leading up to it, sometimes people do look a bit unhealthy when they are super skinny. People were just concerned. I knew I was healthy and eating right, so I never really worried about what others had to say.

(sigh) I don't think anyone is dwelling on this or obsessing over it. It was just something I was curious about, thus, DCUM. Glad to hear you look like a "woman" now, are you implying that "skinny" women do not look like women? What pray tell do they look like?

[Anonymous]

maybe they were expressing their concern for you.

[Anonymous]

I hope everything turns out ok for you, OP.

I'm normally 5'8" and about 140-145 and very active and muscular. When I started marathoning awhile back, I dropped to 135 (skinniest I've been as an adult), despite eating almost 3,000 calories/day because I was running quite a bit. I was in great shape and felt great, but I had SO many people freaking out because they thought I was getting too skinny. It was amusing because I had never had "too skinny" applied to me. Ever.

In our culture, I think people think that "skinny" is the preferred state for women. (but for men, "too skinny" is more of a bad thing.) I think that's behind the comments you're getting.

[Anonymous]

I too think it's meant as a compliment. I recently lost 20 lbs., and my wife (hi honey!) tells me I look like a bobblehead doll. That, no so much of a compliment.

[Anonymous]

Speaking as a large person, when I see really thin folks I toggle between awe (some people are really putting in effort to look thin) and pity (some of people who get thin are quite sick). I would never say anything about it, though. You did say they're from a different culture, right? I would chalk it up to (very annoying) cultural differences!

Hope everything turns out all right for!