Why is it OK to tell someone they look so skinny?

[Anonymous]

Right now I am a bit underweight, unfortunately due to a medical issue. Normally I'm 5'9 and between 125-130lb, but I've dropped to about 120lb. It doesn't seem like a lot, but I keep hearing from colleagues and friends "you are really skinny" and similar comments. I don't want to disclose the reason why to them, because I'd like to keep it personal (and I'm still waiting on further test results anyway). But it got me thinking, why is it OK to tell someone they look skinny? I would never comment on a person's weight randomly unless it is to say they are looking great. I'm probably just frustrated because I'd rather have the extra 5-10lb and be healthy and have an appetite.

[Anonymous]

Are they telling you that you are skinny in a complimentary way? 120 lbs is only five pounds less than your usual low of 125. Maybe everyone thinks you look good. I am sure they would not say this if you looked obviously bad, or if you looked emaciated. They would probably be concerned and wonder what was wrong. But, I agree with you, I never say anything about anyone's weight. I hope this condition improves and that you get your appetite back. I am sorry you are going through this, take care.

[Anonymous]

(OP here) You are probably right, this might just be me being sensitive since it isn't exactly what I want to hear right now. And I'm not sure how to respond, do I say thank you, even if it I don't think it is complimentary? (If someone uses the word "thin" I think of it as a compliment, but "skinny" not so much.) Usually my response is to mutter and stumble over my words about being too busy to eat or something.

[Anonymous]

Would you rather hear, "Hey! You've really packed on the pounds and look like shit!" ????

I didn't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather hear, "Hey! You've really packed on the pounds and look like shit!" ????

I didn't think so.

I don't think this was a very helpful response. But if I was sure to be cancer-free, then yes, actually I would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather hear, "Hey! You've really packed on the pounds and look like shit!" ????

I didn't think so.

I don't think this was a very helpful response. But if I was sure to be cancer-free, then yes, actually I would.

I'm in a similar situation, and I've learned to just shrug off the comments by saying "oh, I'm very busy these days" and change the subject. I think it's incredibly rude to comment on anyone's appearance other than to say "you look great", or "I really like your haircut". I wish I could be 5 or 10 pounds heavier, but I'm not. And it bothers me that people equate thinness with health. I feel like shit most of the time, and can't eat. But I don't really feel like sharing that part, ya know? Feel better OP, and just try to ignore comments about your appearance.

[Anonymous]

OP--I completely understand. I've always been very thin and people would always make comments and they were often underhanded compliments. I am 5'8 and 120 pounds even after 2 kids and I certainly don't diet. Some people are just thin.

[Anonymous]

Just tell them you are stressed out. That is what I do. I have very pronounced dark circles under my eyes and someone without fail will always tell me "You look sooo tired!" that is code for "You look like shit!". So I just tell them how stressed out I am and move on with my day.

[Anonymous]

Telling someone they are skinny in American culture is usually a compliment. OP I hope your health issue gets resolved and you are okay.

[Anonymous]

I wish people would stop doing this, too. I developed an eating disorder in law school and dropped 40 lbs in a semester. My hair was falling out and I stopped having a period, and I heard over and over people (including teachers) gush about how GREAT I looked. My mom took me on a special shopping trip to celebrate my new figure...five days later, I was in the hospital.

Everyone needs to think before they speak.

[Anonymous]

19:34 - THIS. I know what you mean, OP. I hope it turns out that you are fine. I was skinny, same size as high school even after kids, until I became sick. Guys used to ask me every day a variation of "how I got my body" - in their way, it was a compliment. So while my problem is a little different, I do also recall hearing p*ssy remarks every day - people trying to pry and insinuate things that had nothing to do with me (eating disorders?!!? Really??! I love food!!!), I simply took after the skinny side of the family.

Try to brush it off. It is a good education on how rude, nosy and inconsiderate people can be, really. I even had one perpetually dieting "friend" try to tell me that I was "skinny when I was young" - WTF? She hasn't even known me that long! What does she know? Not. A. Thing. But thanks for deliberately trying to be so rude.

People are just like that OP, they can be really rude without even trying. Especially other women! Ignore it. Just because they might have an eating disorder (code for "daddy issues"!!!!) doesn't mean that you do or I did. Some people just don't have to try to be skinny, and the others don't like it. Simple.

Now that I appear much bigger than I was, some women seem to actually delight in it. So you learn a LOT about people when yo get sick, for better or worse. Hoe you are not sick, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they telling you that you are skinny in a complimentary way? 120 lbs is only five pounds less than your usual low of 125. Maybe everyone thinks you look good. I am sure they would not say this if you looked obviously bad, or if you looked emaciated. They would probably be concerned and wonder what was wrong. But, I agree with you, I never say anything about anyone's weight. I hope this condition improves and that you get your appetite back. I am sorry you are going through this, take care.

I don't think they are being nice, considering the OP is 120lbs and they are saying "skinny" which really means sickly.

[Anonymous]

OP - I hope everything turns out okay.

I suspect "skinny" is said a little bit jealously, but clearly uninformed. I understand keeping the issues personal, but I bet these same people would be in your corner if they knew there was something potentially wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - I hope everything turns out okay.

I suspect "skinny" is said a little bit jealously, but clearly uninformed. I understand keeping the issues personal, but I bet these same people would be in your corner if they knew there was something potentially wrong.

I'm in agreement about most of your post, but jealous? Of someone as tall as the OP and 120lbs?

[Anonymous]

I don't mind if somebody says it in a complementary way. I have always been a decent weight, 5'4 1/2 and like 120 pounds ish. But about a year ago I started running a lot more and now weight about 110-112. I feel great and am totally healthy and am a very health conscious eater. And i feel like everybody is acting like i have anorexia "oh, you're too thin etc etc". Well, according to NIH my BMI is normal and I think everyone should shut up. It's no more welcome than pointing out somebody has gained 8 pounds.