Why is it OK to tell someone they look so skinny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if somebody says it in a complementary way. I have always been a decent weight, 5'4 1/2 and like 120 pounds ish. But about a year ago I started running a lot more and now weight about 110-112. I feel great and am totally healthy and am a very health conscious eater. And i feel like everybody is acting like i have anorexia "oh, you're too thin etc etc". Well, according to NIH my BMI is normal and I think everyone should shut up. It's no more welcome than pointing out somebody has gained 8 pounds.

This is so interesting to me. I am 5'5" and I literally weigh 30 more pounds than you do, but I am still in the BMI "normal" range. You are at the lowest end and I am at the highest, but still. If I weighed what you do I would look incredibly skinny. I haven't been your weight since I was in maybe 8th or 9th grade.

OP, I'm sorry people are so insensitive, though I do think they are trying to compliment you somehow. I would try to answer them in a way that conveys that you don't want to be quite that "skinny", so they'll realize it's not something you were trying for. I hope your health issues improve.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the helpful responses. I just find it frustrating that it is socially acceptable to tell someone they are skinny, when it often isn't complimentary. And as a PP pointed out, I'm only 5lb below my normal lower range. Some of my colleagues that keep pointing this out are not native English speakers, so I try to chalk that up to cultural differences. Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the day I can drink a milkshake and put 5lb back on!

[Anonymous]

OP, these misguided people definitely think they are complimenting you, that's what "skinny" has come to mean these days. If you want to try to make them a little more sensitve, try saying something like, "I just don't have much of an appetite these days. I hope to get it back soon."

[Anonymous]

Because we have a fucked up relationship to weight/body image in this culture. Most people assume women want to be "skinny"--right? isnt that what is marketed to us always? SO its acceptable to 'compliment' someone that way, even if in fact she'd look and feel better with more weight. And, sometimes it is a prying question masked as a compliment (you look so skinny--are you trying to diet? Are you developing an eating disorder?)?.

In college I lost 30 lbs, going from a bit chunky to too thin for my frame (5'2, from 125 lbs to 95 lbs, size8 to size 0). Around 105 lbs people kept telling me how "great" I looked--and it depressed me so much, because I knew that my behavior (several hours of exercise a day, purging, extreme dieting) was terrible for my health, and it depressed me that the only time I would get societal approval for my body was when I was abusing it. Of course, another 5-10 lbs and suddenly everyone was telling me I was too thin...

[Anonymous]

Think of it this way - some people gain weight because of medical problems, and they probably get as many comments about their weight from nosy busybodies as you do. Some people just don't realize that they don't know what is going on in other people's lives, and shouldn't make assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather hear, "Hey! You've really packed on the pounds and look like shit!" ????

I didn't think so.

I don't think this was a very helpful response. But if I was sure to be cancer-free, then yes, actually I would.

All you mentioned in your post was this -

. I don't want to disclose the reason why to them, because I'd like to keep it personal (and I'm still waiting on further test results anyway).

So while I'm very sorry that you're facing this, from MY perspective - having been told numerous times that I'm a little too skinny - I'm not offended in the least bit. Not everyone has the same take on things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather hear, "Hey! You've really packed on the pounds and look like shit!" ????

I didn't think so.

I don't think this was a very helpful response. But if I was sure to be cancer-free, then yes, actually I would.

All you mentioned in your post was this -

. I don't want to disclose the reason why to them, because I'd like to keep it personal (and I'm still waiting on further test results anyway).

So while I'm very sorry that you're facing this, from MY perspective - having been told numerous times that I'm a little too skinny - I'm not offended in the least bit. Not everyone has the same take on things.

(OP here): thanks. Funny that I have no problem disclosing it on an anonymous forum (it is possible stomach cancer), but won't tell my closest friends.

[Anonymous]

OP, I used to be able to relate. I'm now in a more "normal" weight range, but when I was in my 20s, I was thinner, and people sometimes said, Oh, you're so slender, etc. Now, "slender" at least sounds more kind than "skinny," at least to me, but I wasn't ever flattered by it. The reason I look particularly "thin," and still do up top, is because I'm very flat chested; so, that made all of me look thin (even though I have hips). Anyway, I agree with you and others there is a messed up relationship between weight and body image in this culture.

I wish you the best and hope everything turns out well for you.

[Anonymous]

I am skinny and I do not get it. If you are skinny and someone points out that you are skinny, what is the problem? Health reasons or not, who cares, brush it off.

[Anonymous]

Come on. You know why people say it is a good thing...b/c that is what is culturally DESIRED for this country. And rare.

I am sorry your weight is reflection of health issues, and I am sorry you feel put-out by these people. Try to ignore them. I would say something like "Well, anemia will do that to a person!"

[Anonymous]

I'm 5'6" and 122 lbs. I'm within the normal range for my weight. When I lived overseas I was considered pretty darn average. Here in the US, I'm considered thin. Even members of my family ask me why I'm so skinny. This is my normal body weight. I don't diet. I eat ice cream every day. I do walk a lot and have low cholesterol and blood pressure. Still, my mom tells me I need to gain 20 pounds to be "healthier". The majority of people in the US are fat. It's all relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am skinny and I do not get it. If you are skinny and someone points out that you are skinny, what is the problem? Health reasons or not, who cares, brush it off.

(OP here): I've heard it lots of times before because I've always been "small". But now that I'm losing even more due to health issues, it is starting to bother me when it never did before. Before I felt fine saying "thank you", but now, knowing that I can't eat, it's just not the same anymore (down another couple pounds since I first posted, grr). Eh, I guess I need to lighten up. So, any need out there for a 40-year old 5'9 uber-skinny model with an average face? Bonus if I could bank off this condition (totally kidding here!)

[Anonymous]

OP, in my early 20s, I struggled to gain weight after having my gallbladder removed...I was 110lbs at 5'7, looking really, really skinny. I used to get so stressed out when people commented on how thin I looked, thinking it was a compliment. At the end, I decided the best strategy was to smile and say nothing.

I hope your condition improves and turns out not to be cancer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you rather hear, "Hey! You've really packed on the pounds and look like shit!" ????

I didn't think so.

I don't think this was a very helpful response. But if I was sure to be cancer-free, then yes, actually I would.

All you mentioned in your post was this -

. I don't want to disclose the reason why to them, because I'd like to keep it personal (and I'm still waiting on further test results anyway).

So while I'm very sorry that you're facing this, from MY perspective - having been told numerous times that I'm a little too skinny - I'm not offended in the least bit. Not everyone has the same take on things.

I think that is the whole point? Not everyone has the same take, so just don't comment on people's weight.

OP: I made this mistake a few years ago. A friend of mine who has always been about 40-50 pounds overweight had lost about 10 pounds, and I told her she was looking good. Then she quickly lost more weight and I told her "keep it up! you're looking so skinny" - well, she had stomach cancer.

Now (similar to noticing if a woman is pregnant) - I don't comment when someone has lost weight except to say "you look good" or something very general.

On the positive side: she had a surgery and everything seems to be fine for her. She's putting the weight back on - and is one of the few people in DC who is HAPPY to be a size 12.

[Anonymous]

I am naturally tall and thin and have gotten a ton of backhanded compliments, people commenting on whether or not I'm eating enough, etc. It is annoying. But, in general, I think it's much easier to be a thin person than an overweight person in our culture, so I try to keep that in mind.

The people who are making these comments may have no idea that this is a sensitive area for you, or that you have health issues. And for the rude ones, well, they would probably figure out other ways to be rude even if you weren't a bit underweight.