MIL problem (AGAIN!).... re. nursing home/decision making...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI, as an Italian who has seen my great-grandmothers and grandmothers go through this part of their life... When Italian women hit 90, they almost uniformly go through this paranoid/delusional thing.

I would let her go live with the nuns. Honestly, when I am old that is where I will be most happy, too. There is some sort of comfort (being Italian) and being surrounded by an order of nuns. It's like being in the old country.

I am 11:05, and I think you're nuts.

what? It's in our genes to to become paranoid in our old age?

Comes from being smacked with the wooden spoon! Pay attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has demetia and such a person should not be allowed to take decisions alone.

I remember your last thread and still think you're heartless and inconsiderate. Good job to DH for calling the friend and telling how he feels and you should support your DH and help him overcome his feelings. It's not easy.

I don't know what happened to your mom but it's scary to think you'd act the same way if it was your mom instead of MIL.

This was my impression, as well, OP. I'm sure you're booked for tonight but I'd like to hire you for a witch for Halloween 2012.

She is 90 yrs old and senile. Good Lord, have some compassion because one day you will need someone to have some for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has demetia and such a person should not be allowed to take decisions alone.

ITA.

If this was your daughter in 90 years, what would you want someone to do for her?
I would see about taking control of MIL's decisions legally and make her stay where you can help her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just an FYI, as an Italian who has seen my great-grandmothers and grandmothers go through this part of their life... When Italian women hit 90, they almost uniformly go through this paranoid/delusional thing.

I would let her go live with the nuns. Honestly, when I am old that is where I will be most happy, too. There is some sort of comfort (being Italian) and being surrounded by an order of nuns. It's like being in the old country.

I am 11:05, and I think you're nuts.

what? It's in our genes to to become paranoid in our old age?

Comes from being smacked with the wooden spoon! Pay attention.

yes - plenty of times
But in the culo, not the head! speaking from experience here!!!

OP - be firm! Keep your MIL where she is. You need her close by or else you and your husband will go nuts worrying and driving long distances to check in on her.

[Anonymous]

What is the damage that you think will come to your husband's mother if she moves to the facility? Do you know enough at this point to assess whether it may be a viable option? It seems that you aren't able to accommodate her living with you, and she doesn't want to be where she is at least in part for valid reasons (wanting to spend her days in a more religious environment). Assuming she wants to do the transfer in her times of lucidity, I guess I'm not understanding the full difficulty. It doesn't seem that she felt she needed to live near you guys in her earlier years, and it's not possible for her to live in your home now. If she wants to be closer to nuns, and she doesn't feel the need to be near you (or fails to recall that you visit almost daily) and the facility seems reasonable, would you at least want to look into it more closely? Her "friend" does seem like quite a handful, but I could understand a religious woman feeling better in a religious community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the damage that you think will come to your husband's mother if she moves to the facility? Do you know enough at this point to assess whether it may be a viable option? It seems that you aren't able to accommodate her living with you, and she doesn't want to be where she is at least in part for valid reasons (wanting to spend her days in a more religious environment). Assuming she wants to do the transfer in her times of lucidity, I guess I'm not understanding the full difficulty. It doesn't seem that she felt she needed to live near you guys in her earlier years, and it's not possible for her to live in your home now. If she wants to be closer to nuns, and she doesn't feel the need to be near you (or fails to recall that you visit almost daily) and the facility seems reasonable, would you at least want to look into it more closely? Her "friend" does seem like quite a handful, but I could understand a religious woman feeling better in a religious community.

I agree with you theoretically. Quoting my husband: "because it is the end of her life and no one deserves to die alone, like an animal."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the damage that you think will come to your husband's mother if she moves to the facility? Do you know enough at this point to assess whether it may be a viable option? It seems that you aren't able to accommodate her living with you, and she doesn't want to be where she is at least in part for valid reasons (wanting to spend her days in a more religious environment). Assuming she wants to do the transfer in her times of lucidity, I guess I'm not understanding the full difficulty. It doesn't seem that she felt she needed to live near you guys in her earlier years, and it's not possible for her to live in your home now. If she wants to be closer to nuns, and she doesn't feel the need to be near you (or fails to recall that you visit almost daily) and the facility seems reasonable, would you at least want to look into it more closely? Her "friend" does seem like quite a handful, but I could understand a religious woman feeling better in a religious community.

I agree with you theoretically. Quoting my husband: "because it is the end of her life and no one deserves to die alone, like an animal."

but it could very well be that she would feel less alone with the nuns. I think a person ought to have as much choice as possible when it comes to how and where they would like to die. Really, if the nuns bring her comfort, then that is what she needs. She is not seeming to feel comfort from her DIL and son. Can't they do together and check it out? It would take less time than all the time spent on these messages.