Talk me out of adopting as a single woman

[Anonymous]

You cannot adopt at any age. Some (many?) countries have age limits. Not sure about domestic adoptions.

I know two women who had children on their own, their own bio babies, and both met men, one married, the other's been in a long-term relationship for years. Divorced women with children also remarry.

I know several women who adopted and the got married and had more children.

Life is long. Life is funny. If you are financially secure, as in affluent, and can afford a nanny and live in a good school district ... Some of my friends are older and didn't meet the right man until they were past their childbearing years. (Two friends in fact.)

Do you want to adopt a baby more than anything in the world? If the answer is yes, then maybe you want to be talking into, not out of, it.

[Anonymous]

P.S. One of the woman who had children on their own married her man, he was not a married man!

[Anonymous]

The adoption process for us was an absolute nightmare but I have no regrets - we have an amazing child who is the center of our universe. If I had not married, I would have not thought twice about adopting. The joy of being a parent far outweighs any negatives.

We adopted a newborn. I tried hard not to bond - he wasn't letting that happen and it was pretty instant (I worried his birthparents wanted him back - they just wanted him, but looking back it was all my worry and they have been wonderful & supportive). He is a happy, healthy, well adjusted toddler.

Do what your heart tells you and what is best for you. Take advice as what it is - free and usually based on a persons bias experience.

[Anonymous]

I cannot offer advice on adoption, but it does sound like at this stage of your life you are still trying to figure out romantic relationships and may even be trying to fill with a child a void that belongs to a romantic partner. That can make for a messed up childhood, as I'm sure you already realize.

I am saying this as someone who had a child pretty early on and went through a lot of self-discovery and a lot (probably too much) dating in front of her. I am also saying this as a child of a very loving single mother who did a lot of dating and self-discovery in front of me. I don't think that seeing my mother as a flawed human being who was still finding her way in life scarred me in some major way, just as I hope I have not scarred my daughter. Still, if given the choice, wouldn't you rather wait until you had things figured out a bit more before bringing a child into the mix?

[Anonymous]

At age 35, when marriage was not on the horizon, I decided to become a single mom. I gave a lot of thought to adoption vs. IUI/IVF and ended up doing the latter. It took until age 38 to have a child. Is it hard? Every day. But being a mom is amazing, and no less amazing I think without a father/partner to help. It is certainly harder, but every bit as rewarding and incredible.
As someone else mentioned, you canNOT adopt at any age, as I've come to discover in considering adoption to grow my family. It can also take years to get approved. If you are serious, I would suggest starting the process now -- at least start exploring the possibilities and thinking about which you might want to pursue. You can stop the process at any time, but you can't make up for having waited too long.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Educate yourself, do a consult with an adoption agency about the range of requirements (age for instance) as well as how long the process can take.

Sperm donor: Recent reports of sperm-donor children having 70 to 150 half-siblings would give me pause!

[Anonymous]

I didn't meet my DH until I was 38. Married at 40. #1 at 41. #2 on the way. It can happen.

I would have wanted to adopt if all this didn't miraculously happen. Not sure I would have actually pulled the application together though. I was raised in a divorced home and it kind of sucked. And unlike with a single mom adoption, my Dad WAS in the picture and was awesome. I do feel like I missed out on a real family life. I think that would have been what held me back from trying to adopt. Families come in all shapes though, so to be clear I am not discouraging you.

[Anonymous]

Single mom by choice here -- and I would say if you are rock-solid certain that you are ready to adopt a child, you should do it! Of course it's challenging ... but I think parenting well is hard, regardless of circumstances. (And I'm always amused by how partnered parents jump on these threads to talk about how hard it would be ....)

You are several years younger than I was when decided to do it, but I was your age when I started thinking seriously about it.

[Anonymous]

GO FOR IT

[Anonymous]

I say have a kid (through birth or adoption) if thats what you want and if you can provide (financially and emotionally for the child).

[Anonymous]

Why not adopt as a single woman? If you want a child, go for it. Chances are, it will take a while but it certainly can be done. I'm a single mother (and always have been) with a whole lot less money and I really like my life. Sometimes it is hard (like when you get sick or when you don't get enough sleep) but the rest of the time is certainly doable. More money makes things easier too. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Didn't read through all the threads but 34, is not young, adoption can take up to 3 years too. Have you considered freezing your eggs? Evaluate how strongly you want to be a mom and know thaf it will permanently change your life and it will be a lot work that being said it was all worthwhile to adopt my two kids. Adoption takes it's toll too- the waiting is agnozing and it is very expensive.

[Anonymous]

I am a parent, both by adoption and by birth, but am married. I have a good friend who is a single adoptive parent (we both adopted our children from the same country). Being a single adoptive parent is harder than being a single parent by birth. With some/many(?) exceptions, parenting children who have been adopted is a more challenging, interesting, complex, etc. experience. I speak as someone who is doing both...And, my observation is that being a single parent also has its unique challenges. So putting together being a single parent and being an adoptive parent is really going to be both fulfilling and challenging, with an emphasis on challenging, especially if you don't have family living close to you. If you are ready for the potential challenge, go for it.

[Anonymous]

I am curious how having an adopted child is different than having a child by birth for a single parent. Once the adoption is done, what is the difference?

[Anonymous]

Parenting a child who has been adopted as its own unique challenges. (That is if you do it "right" and don't disregard the needs of a child who has been adopted.) Often children who have been adopted have special needs-medically or emotionally or developmentally. Raising a child with special needs without a partner is challenging.