Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband

[Anonymous]

If men cared for babies as much as women did, they would have sex drives that are more on par with women. Ditto the PPs who noted the studies that showed that dads who cared for young children had lower testosterone levels than those who didn't.

I've noticed that after DH spends the day with the kids, he is snoring right alongside the kids at bedtime. It is exhausting. Imagine asking him to mow the lawn when he's that tired--that's how I would feel about him wanting sex at the end of a long day alone with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In same boat here. We do it regularly but H isn't happy unless I act like I really want it, which is near impossible.

Funny, I'm having the same issue with DW and "conversation". We do it regularly, but W isn't happy unless I act like I really want it. Odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In same boat here. We do it regularly but H isn't happy unless I act like I really want it, which is near impossible.

Funny, I'm having the same issue with DW and "conversation". We do it regularly, but W isn't happy unless I act like I really want it. Odd.

But that's different, as I am sure you will be told by many of the women here.

[Anonymous]

At least your husband wants sex (with you). My DH and I haven't had sex for close to a year, or 18 months, depending on how you count. We have a 12-month old, and have pretty much stopped having sex when I got pregnant, despite my raging libido and frequent reminders.

Starting to think of how many more sexless months I need to log before being justified in seeking relief elsewhere. This seriously hurts. For sexual frustration, and for demonstrated indifference to my needs.

[Anonymous]

^^ I'd go elsewhere. He probably already has. Time for you!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In same boat here. We do it regularly but H isn't happy unless I act like I really want it, which is near impossible.

Funny, I'm having the same issue with DW and "conversation". We do it regularly, but W isn't happy unless I act like I really want it. Odd.

I'm assuming you don't realize what an utter asshole you are. I'm assuming your wife does though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If men cared for babies as much as women did, they would have sex drives that are more on par with women. Ditto the PPs who noted the studies that showed that dads who cared for young children had lower testosterone levels than those who didn't.

I've noticed that after DH spends the day with the kids, he is snoring right alongside the kids at bedtime. It is exhausting. Imagine asking him to mow the lawn when he's that tired--that's how I would feel about him wanting sex at the end of a long day alone with the kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine asking him to mow the lawn when he's that tired--that's how I would feel about him wanting sex at the end of a long day alone with the kids.

So being intimate with your spouse is the emotional equivilant of mowing the lawn.

Stay classy, DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine asking him to mow the lawn when he's that tired--that's how I would feel about him wanting sex at the end of a long day alone with the kids.

So being intimate with your spouse is the emotional equivilant of mowing the lawn.

Stay classy, DW.

No, it's the physical equivalent. There's a huge difference. But you knew that, right?

[Anonymous]

I agree sex just feels so bad when you are tired!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In same boat here. We do it regularly but H isn't happy unless I act like I really want it, which is near impossible.

Funny, I'm having the same issue with DW and "conversation". We do it regularly, but W isn't happy unless I act like I really want it. Odd.

I'm assuming you don't realize what an utter asshole you are. I'm assuming your wife does though.

I suppose you could make the case PP was too flippant. But he's pointing to a larger truth. There are many reasons why couples stop having sex: chemical imbalances, boredom, fatigue, etc, etc... There are just as many reasons why they stop really listening to one another.

The difference seems to be that if the problem is one of verbal intercourse, the response is, "Outrageous! There's no excuse at all! Conversation is the sine qua non of the relationship!" Meanwhile, if it's sexual intercourse that's dried up, you get "Oh well, it happens. It's clearly your partner's fault because he won't dust the blinds three times a week."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In same boat here. We do it regularly but H isn't happy unless I act like I really want it, which is near impossible.

Funny, I'm having the same issue with DW and "conversation". We do it regularly, but W isn't happy unless I act like I really want it. Odd.

I'm assuming you don't realize what an utter asshole you are. I'm assuming your wife does though.

I suppose you could make the case PP was too flippant. But he's pointing to a larger truth. There are many reasons why couples stop having sex: chemical imbalances, boredom, fatigue, etc, etc... There are just as many reasons why they stop really listening to one another.

The difference seems to be that if the problem is one of verbal intercourse, the response is, "Outrageous! There's no excuse at all! Conversation is the sine qua non of the relationship!" Meanwhile, if it's sexual intercourse that's dried up, you get "Oh well, it happens. It's clearly your partner's fault because he won't dust the blinds three times a week."

I was agreeing with you until the very end there....

[Anonymous]

we made a commitment to have sex thursday nights, regardless of whatever happens (unless one of us us sick or traveling). Sounds weird and artificial, but actually has been good because we've gotten back in the swing of things (so to speak) and since I know its going to happen I can actually think about it ahead of time and get excited,take a long shower, have a glass of wine, etc whereas when its sort of sprung on me after dishes and lunches packed and I am firing off emails and then just looking forward to having a good night of sleep I am not in the mood. Plus, our house is cleaned on thursdays and I do not cook that night--DH orders in or picks up something and gets home early enough to help out with kids so that we have our time......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we made a commitment to have sex thursday nights, regardless of whatever happens (unless one of us us sick or traveling). Sounds weird and artificial, but actually has been good because we've gotten back in the swing of things (so to speak) and since I know its going to happen I can actually think about it ahead of time and get excited,take a long shower, have a glass of wine, etc whereas when its sort of sprung on me after dishes and lunches packed and I am firing off emails and then just looking forward to having a good night of sleep I am not in the mood. Plus, our house is cleaned on thursdays and I do not cook that night--DH orders in or picks up something and gets home early enough to help out with kids so that we have our time......

Yes to this! I swear every advice article I've read has said to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:we made a commitment to have sex thursday nights, regardless of whatever happens (unless one of us us sick or traveling). Sounds weird and artificial, but actually has been good because we've gotten back in the swing of things (so to speak) and since I know its going to happen I can actually think about it ahead of time and get excited,take a long shower, have a glass of wine, etc whereas when its sort of sprung on me after dishes and lunches packed and I am firing off emails and then just looking forward to having a good night of sleep I am not in the mood. Plus, our house is cleaned on thursdays and I do not cook that night--DH orders in or picks up something and gets home early enough to help out with kids so that we have our time......

Yes to this! I swear every advice article I've read has said to do this.

My DH and I had a designated 'sex night' for years. It really took the pressure off, because I didn't have to feel tense every night about whether or not he was going to ask, and he didn't have to worry about potentially getting turned down. I highly recommend it!