Help! My no desire for sex = upset husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Sex is really important to men and while most (I think) will suck up sexless marriages, others are not so disciplined.

Nope, some are not. Some find other married women in a similar situation and have pleasing affairs.

Women -- if you have a low sex drive, and your DH seems to just "give up" on trying to get more from you, or says, "I don't know" when it comes to the problem, he has, or is about to, seek relief elsewhere.

Fair warning.

This is all just IMHO anyway, not saying I've done it, or will, or have.

[Anonymous]

I think most guys who're shut out will be okay with it if they're not hassled about other parts of their lives (e.g. are permitted to go out with the guys, join Lions/Moose/Freemasons/whatever, aren't given grief when they really have to work late, etc.) and are allowed to go to the basement and masturbate to porn (or even have cybersex).

But if you're going to expect "Baby Precious" treatment and not put out ...

My prediction? Pain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to the doctor next week for my regular annual exam, and I was going to bring this subject up too, because I could have written your post. But I have no idea how to even bring it up. It's not that I'm a prude, I just don't know what they can do about it, but everyone says "talk to you doctor" so that's what I'm going to do.

Well, that was a waste of time. The doctor's response? "This is one of the most common conversations I have. You work full time, you come home to a two-year-old and you just want to sleep. It's perfectly normal."

Um, OK. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to the doctor next week for my regular annual exam, and I was going to bring this subject up too, because I could have written your post. But I have no idea how to even bring it up. It's not that I'm a prude, I just don't know what they can do about it, but everyone says "talk to you doctor" so that's what I'm going to do.

Well, that was a waste of time. The doctor's response? "This is one of the most common conversations I have. You work full time, you come home to a two-year-old and you just want to sleep. It's perfectly normal."

Um, OK. Thanks.

Male or female doctor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to the doctor next week for my regular annual exam, and I was going to bring this subject up too, because I could have written your post. But I have no idea how to even bring it up. It's not that I'm a prude, I just don't know what they can do about it, but everyone says "talk to you doctor" so that's what I'm going to do.

Well, that was a waste of time. The doctor's response? "This is one of the most common conversations I have. You work full time, you come home to a two-year-old and you just want to sleep. It's perfectly normal."

Um, OK. Thanks.

Male or female doctor?

Female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to the doctor next week for my regular annual exam, and I was going to bring this subject up too, because I could have written your post. But I have no idea how to even bring it up. It's not that I'm a prude, I just don't know what they can do about it, but everyone says "talk to you doctor" so that's what I'm going to do.

Well, that was a waste of time. The doctor's response? "This is one of the most common conversations I have. You work full time, you come home to a two-year-old and you just want to sleep. It's perfectly normal."

Um, OK. Thanks.

Male or female doctor?

Female.

That is what I thought. I also take it that she is your internist or GYN not an actually specialist that deals with sexual dysfunction. What she gave you is type of advice you would get from a girl friend - what you are experiencing is not normal, common but not normal. If you think that your issue may be physiological then I think that you should look into seeing a sex therapist. If it truly is just fatigue then you and your DH need to figure out a way get get more time. Good luck - trust me, once you get your MOJO back you will see that this lull is not normal.

[Anonymous]

I had a brief affair with a married man last year. I didn't know he was married so the tigers can put away their claws. Anyways, the wife found out and confronted me. She was very nice because I didn't know he was married, and said she wanted details for closure. She shared that they never had sex and he was always fighting with her about that.

I felt used and betrayed, and terrible for my role. Her husband just wanted sex and he found it. He said she didn't want to hive him sex, he waited awhile, then went and found some... Pig.

[Anonymous]

6:15, why isn't the wife a 'frigid bitch' for withholding sex for some while?

[Anonymous]

I disagree that it's not "normal" to have lower libido after kids, work, etc. I think it's only our super-sexed society where we think that even new moms should still feel like porn stars in bed.
I heard about a study this week that says even new dads have lower testosterone when they are involved in caring for small children. We know that testosterone has a role in sex drive.
It it makes sense to me too that, right after having a child is probably not the best time, survival wise, to get pregnant again and have another child. So doesn't it make sense that women would be less interested in sex when they are post partum/engaged in caring for a very young child?

IMHO women want sex when they are happy, when they are not stressed. Having a small child, never mind a job too, is totally exhausting and draining.

Now if your kids are age 5 and ten, I think you have a problem. But when your kids are little? Normal. Husbands need to expect it and deal with it. Wives also need to make an effort to acknowledge the problem and stay intimately connected to their husbands (have sex).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another one who feels this way - no advice, just commiseration.

ditto. same thing happening to me. it sucks.

[Anonymous]

Get a big vibrator from Brookstone (back massager). USe it on yourself. You will be PSYCHED. Do it often and you will get back on the horse in no time. I mean, back on the husband...

[Anonymous]

Try reading romance novels too. They get the imagination working.

[Anonymous]

Don't underestimate the power of hormones. Low testosterone (I think) in women is associated with low libido. Mine was out of whack when I went on the pill. Dropped the pill and I was back to my old self again. Hormones can change for other reasons, too... see several specialists and don't stop 'till you get enough (information)!

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't underestimate the power of hormones. Low testosterone (I think) in women is associated with low libido. Mine was out of whack when I went on the pill. Dropped the pill and I was back to my old self again. Hormones can change for other reasons, too... see several specialists and don't stop 'till you get enough (information)!

Good luck.

Agree, there was an article recently that said men's testosterone levels drop after having children, especially if they are caregivers. Doesn't it make sense that the same could happen to women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another one who feels this way - no advice, just commiseration.

me too