Must be nice to be in love

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been together for 9 years. He still makes me laugh every day. We both can find the humor in anything and it gets us through rough times. He's smart, thoughtful, kind, and highly competent at just about everything. He's also a guy who needs more alone time than I do, chronically late, and a tad forgetful. So he's not perfect. Far from it. But every single day I respect him and I enjoy spending time with him. We give each other the benefit of the doubt and we both place a lot of effort in making sure the other person is happy. I think if you look out for each other's happiness always, that's huge. I see a lot of couples where it's so obvious that one or both people are miserable and no one cares or does anything about it. That's not love as far as I'm concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm in the exact same boat. I want to leave every single day and no I don't believe there is anyway to rekindle because we have such fundamental differences. I know other women who feel the same way. Sometimes the differences are so great. I too feel so sad on a daily basis and for the life of me can't even remember what love feels like. It sucks. Plus I'm dying for a second child but know that I can't have another under the circumstances. My DH doesn't support to me, barely acknowledges me and acts like every small interaction is a fight. So I hear ya and you are not alone that's for sure!

How did it go so wrong? Just trying to figure out if people choose bad matches or if it's not so much about the match but that two people are committed to the partnership and know how to stay in love or at least continually get back to love in a relationship and that is just in their nature and some get lucky by being that person and finding that person.

I honestly think its this. I love my DH - but having a child reminds me constantly that I MUST be committed to making it WORK - whatever the effort required. I can tell my DH feels the same way too. If he didn't, not sure this equation would have the same successful result.

[TheManWithAUsername]

Anonymous wrote:

TheManWithAUsername wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who picked well, what is it exactly that you noticed or was important to you then that has really turned into a boon now?

One thing I did well was market myself correctly. I came to realize that for years I had emphasized only certain aspects of me, and as a result I naturally attracted relatively shallow women. My wife wouldn't have been interested in the persona I used to present, which would have been too intense and edgy. The change in my approach wasn't deceit, but more of a conscious revelation.

That is so interesting. I guess you don't mean that you were just yourself, since you specifically used the words "market yourself correctly." What things did you stress or put forward then as opposed to the intense edgy side of you? Is that the bigger side of you or just the side that you thought would get a better mate? As I put myself out there, this is something that might be good for me to think of. I tend to put forward the "look at all my interests and all the stuff I do" part of me and maybe that is a mistake. I think that is stuff that my ex thought was important and maybe that has influenced me.

I didn't phrase it as "just be myself" because that would make it sound unconscious. The problem was that my natural inclination - in part a defensive reaction - was to present only part of myself, so I had to consciously show the other things. I don't know if I want to get too far into describing "the other things," but I had basically only been showing the sexy and witty me.

[Anonymous]

The best part of a strong marriage is the feeling that we are a team and that no matter what he has my back. He makes me laugh every day too. Life isn't always perfect and we do get on each other's nerves sometimes. I think what has made us realize how important we are to each other and made us stronger as a unit is conquering life's bullshit together. We've been through the death of a parent, depression & treatment (the depression w/o treatment almost ended our marriage), a miscarriage and 3+ years of infertility. We know without question that we love and respect each other and genuinely enjoy spending time together.

It took me a long time to find my husband. Before I met him, I expected a relationship out of a romantic comedy or a romance novel. I expected grand gestures to show that he loved me and I came across as a bit desperate. Also, I could never be myself in those relationships because I felt like if I was in a bad mood or had a bad day, he would bolt. I always had to be happy and fun. It was 1 part immaturity and 1 part wanting to be in a relationship without knowing and understanding what that entailed.

I can honestly say I love him more now than the day I married him 9 years ago.