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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Must be nice to be in love
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Anonymous
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Im married. Have 1 kid. Not in love with my spouse. I wish I was. I see couples who actually want to be with each other, trust each other, respect and love one another and I wish I had that. I wish I came first in my spouse's life. I wish I was cared for. We don't see the world the same and unfortunately, that means we argue a lot.
Those of you who are in love, tell me about it. Tell me how it works, how it feels, what you share with your spouse. |
Anonymous
| What happened in your relationship - why are you no longer in love (or sounds like really you don't love since what you described is deep love and commitment and happiness as opposed to in live)? Were you in love once and were things better once? Must be since you married him. |
Anonymous
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I felt like you. Felt distant and detached and, well, not in love at all. Remember looking at other couples and thinking, wow, they actually WANT to have time alone!'
Went to couples therapy and solo therapy. Amazing that explaining to my spouse that I was unhappy and on the road to divorce was a HUGE catalyst to change. He agreed to therapy, to ease up on the drinking, to spend more time at home. I feel in love with him now. Not always, but most of the time.. Also, remember that other couples have a public face and a private face. Some of those happy couples you see could be rotting inside. We were one such couple and I know many. And sometimes the wife or husband thinks things are great while the other is suffering in silence. Don't give up. You really CAN rekindle. |
Anonymous
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Hard to tell you how it works. I guess, I see him for who he is and not for some imaginary person I want him to be. I know that I can't change him (and he can't change me). We love each other flaws and all. Where I am weak, he is strong.
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Anonymous
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OP, I am so sorry. You sound so sad.
My husband and I are high school sweethearts, and we've now been together for almost 20 years. Truly, we love each other more deeply and more passionately every day. We are " each others' world entire," to borrow a literary phrase. I just found out I am pregnant again today. If I could share any wisdom with you, it would be this: forgive and ask forgiveness, and read I Corinthians 13:4-8, no matter what your faith is, because it is the key to lifelong love. You and your husband are human, and no human being is perfect. So when you wrong one another, you need to be sorry, you need to be willing to forgive. When we met, we were fifteen, different races, different religions, different socioeconomic classes, different personalities, different relationship histories, different family styles, different everything. We were madly in love and totally dysfunctional, and I betrayed his trust so many times. He made career decisions I hated, we lived long-distance for months at a time, and we faced an unplanned pregnancy. We went to hell and back so many times. But love--real love--was with us all the time. And here we are today. Physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually, we can't get enough of each other. Eternity might not be long enough. OP, please, you created a new human being through an act of love with this man you married. What kind if love was that? Where can you go to see him as adorable again? |
Anonymous
| OP, I'm in the exact same boat. I want to leave every single day and no I don't believe there is anyway to rekindle because we have such fundamental differences. I know other women who feel the same way. Sometimes the differences are so great. I too feel so sad on a daily basis and for the life of me can't even remember what love feels like. It sucks. Plus I'm dying for a second child but know that I can't have another under the circumstances. My DH doesn't support to me, barely acknowledges me and acts like every small interaction is a fight. So I hear ya and you are not alone that's for sure! |
Anonymous
| My only true love in this life is music. Probably doesn't help you much, but it is where I live. When I get mad at my husband, I escape there. And we usually end up dancing again. |
Anonymous
OP, are you on "his side" or do you spend all your time thinking about what's "wrong" with him? I think it's really, really dangerous to get in the habit of seeing your partner only through the lens of their faults. A good friend of mine in a very happy LTR once told me that she is always on her DH's side, no matter what. If he's pissed at the remote because it's not working right, she yells at it too. I took that advice to heart in my own relationship and it really works. Also - whenever we accomplish anything together, from emptying the trash to major stuff, I always high-five him and shout "Team (last name)." Now he does it too.  Good reminder that we are a team and we are always on each others' side. We fight and we've had problems, but we never doubt that core truth between us. The trouble starts when you start aiming at each other instead of at the stuff outside the relationship that makes life hard (e.g., infertility, unemployment, crap day at the office, whatever). Not to sound too corny, but why don't you appoint yourself captain of your marriage's cheerleading team instead of as the quarterback on the other side?
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Anonymous
How did it go so wrong? Just trying to figure out if people choose bad matches or if it's not so much about the match but that two people are committed to the partnership and know how to stay in love or at least continually get back to love in a relationship and that is just in their nature and some get lucky by being that person and finding that person. |
Anonymous
Well sadly, when I found out I was pregnant he became a totally different person. When I met him he was full of life and very social...I'm the same way. The day I found out I was pregnant he just decided he didn't have to make any effort anymore to be social, physically fit, interesting, agreeable etc. It's so bizarre. But all I know of him now is that he's the stranger who lives (and sleeps) on the sofa watching CNN endlessly. It's like he decided he no longer needed to make an effort. He's also extremely self-absorbed. For instance tonight I'm really sick and he hasn't once asked if he can help me out. Instead he sees me being sick as something I'm doing "to him" to inconvenience him. He also was so unsupportive during my pregnancy he would be disgusted if I asked him to help me carry down the laundry and wouldn't even participate in DD's birth (my mom had to come into the C section). He's someone I never would have gotten together with if I knew he was going to become a different person like he has. Of course I repeatedly tell him I want to leave and he freaks out and begs forgivness and is great for a few days. Of course that never lasts. It's just the most bizarre thing and there is no way to love someone like that. |
Anonymous
If there was a like button on this forum, I would hit it fifty times for this post. I love to think we are "Team MOTHEREFFINGAWESOMELASTNAME." Having a hard time with this today for many reasons, but I have hope that tomorrow I will want to hit the reset button and watch our team win. |
Anonymous
| Just because other couples "LOOK" like they are in love, that may not always be the case. (IMO.) |
Anonymous
| Just because other couples "LOOK" like they are in love, that may not always be the case. (IMO.) |
Anonymous
| sorry about the double post, ooops=) |
Anonymous
| Love is nothing but a lust of the blood and a permission of the will. |