Reality check: Ex wants me to co-sign loan for him

[Anonymous]

And I'd give the Mac back. Clearly its an issue for him and he'll use it again. Take the wind out of that sail.

[Anonymous]

It's important that your children have one stable home, and it sounds like you're the one who is going to provide it to them. Part of a stable home is stable finances, and you can't have that if you give him control over your finances like that. Your first priority is you and your children. After you are taken care of, you can help someone else. And you are in no position to help him in the way that he wants. I agree - give him the Mac.

Sounds like things are moving up for you - chin up!

[Anonymous]

You're all right, OP! Sounds like you're doing what you need to do for your family and checking things out when they don't seem right to you. Good for you!

[Anonymous]

If he calls you and asks again, suggest that as long as "a wife is a wife" that he get looking for #3 and maybe she can co-sign with him.

Good for you for dropping that loser like a bad habit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You'd have to be high on crack to even consider this. And he sounds like a sociopath to even ask.

Ditto. He has a hell of a nerve to even ask you to do this, much less chew you out for not agreeing. DO NOT CO-SIGN A LOAN or make ANY kind of financial commitment to him. NONE. You owe it to yourself and your children to be fiscally responsible, end of story.

[Anonymous]

14:29 here again - next time he starts chastizing you or getting angry and aggressive with you for something like this, exit that conversation asap. You don't owe it to him to let him dump on you. Congratulations on shedding this dingleberry and moving on with your life.

[Anonymous]

My husband did not co-sign the mortgage for our house, so why should you have to co-sign your ex's? Makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you seeking child support?

Why in hell would you even consider such a thing as cosigning a loan?

[Anonymous]

PPs, she's not considering it, so please stop telling her not to. She's wondering whether someone on DCUM can explain the ways of her ex's home planet, where this is evidently a reasonable request.

OP, I hope this doesn't sound blame-y, but why did you marry him in the first place? What were his good qualities? With 20/20 hindsight, what were your first warnings that he was no damn good?

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, sounds like a complete L.O.S.E.R. - Why did you marry him in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't even finished reading the post, but had to day immediately...... If you co-sign for a house with your EX you are a giant dumbass.

Ok back to reading the post.

There are no circumstances under which you should co-sign a loan for him for anything. You're too smart to fall for his crap. Send him a roll of one-ply toilet paper.

[Anonymous]

I would rather buy a house with someone than cosign a loan. At least you have some rights if it's in your name. I would also never cosign a loan for anyone other than my children or my parents if for some reason they needed me to do so, which they don't and would never ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you spell, "manipulative"? Absolutely not. My ex was like this. Always managed to make himself the victim. So, this type of thing will only stop when you stop helping him all together. You're going to have to learn how to say "wow, that sucks" and leave. it. at. that. No more offers of anything -- not so much as a glass of water on a hot day. Anything he did for you in the past, he did because he wanted to. You are not responsible for that and don't owe him anything. However, he's coming to you because he knows (subconsciously or otherwise) that he can roll you. It must have worked in the past.

Just for giggles, trying writing out all the things you've paid for (and all the things he's paid for) and all the things you've done for him (and all the things he's done for you). I'd be surprised if your list isn't twice as long. (Mine was.) Look at that list every time he trashes you. It will keep you strong.

Good luck, OP.

OP here. THANK YOU SO MUCH for writing this out. It's been the voice in my head but it feels so good to have it reflected back to me. I really, REALLY appreciate it.

He references the Mac and all I could think about was that---with the exception of December 2010 and June 2011---I had paid for every single diaper that had graced my children's bottoms. With the exception of two onesies bought on a trip to NYC, every single article of clothing that those children have every had on their bodies has been purchased by me. But,...he's the victim.

To be clear: There's no way on earth I am going to co-sign any loan. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear in the original posting.

I hope other posters are as real and supportive as you've been. It really makes a difference. Thanks.

Anytime, OP. Maybe this might cheer you on too. Three months after I left my ex in the dust I met my DH. He's the sweetest, most wonderful guy in the world and I wonder every day why I stayed with the ex as long as I did when this wonderful person was waiting for me. I guess I was just raised not to quit, but sometimes that really is the right thing to do. Your kids will thank you.

And to the posters who asked why the OP would bother with a fellow like this in the first place, I will answer for myself: he seemed normal in the beginning and by the time I figured it out, we were living together. There are people out there who are really, really good at this. It's not the OP's issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Please, DCUM community, am I missing something? What do we owe our past partners? Where do you draw the line?

OP, your question is what do we owe our past partners? If they are the parents of our children, we owe it to them to not bad mouth them in front of the children. And we shoudl make sure our children get to have a relationship with them.

But we do not owe them ANYTHING financially (unless ordered by a judge of course, part of the divorce agreement.) We certainly don't owe them a house because they spent money on a computer one time.