Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
Reality check: Ex wants me to co-sign loan for him
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
[It's 2am and I'm still reeling from being chewed out on the phone earlier this evening, so forgive me if things sound choppy or disjointed.] His thoughts center on the fact that we have kids together, so therefore I should support him by co-signing on a loan so he can buy a house. He can't imagine why I would be reluctant to do such a thing and has spent some serious energy shaming me for not being willing to help him out. He was not a supportive partner when we were together and has given me no credit for whatever I brought to the marriage---financial, emotional, whatnot. He has actually said with a shrug, "a wife is a wife" when comparing me to his first wife. When I suggested that we were lucky to have found each other and made a life for the time we were able, his response was maybe he could have been luckier. Considering this kind of incredibly hurtful language, along with his guilt tripping and entitled attitude, I think I've been pretty amazing by keeping drama to a minimum, supporting (and facilitating) open visitation, and not requesting child support. But, evidently because I use the Mac he bought a year ago, I owe it to him to co-sign on this loan. [Note: SARCASM] He has chosen not to move into an apartment until a house purchase comes through----one that he has yet to initiate. He just enrolled in a program to assist low-income first-time homebuyers. So, he is currently couch surfing and claims to have a difficult time finding a place to sleep. I've offered him alternatives including two separate properties and crashing at my home. He's refused it all. I always knew that I would be fine if we broke up and I am. The kids are thriving in an environment I've walled off from negativity. They are too young to understand much of what's gone on these last few months. Another baby is due in the coming months, so I'm just focused on getting to a place of normalcy so that I'll be able to manage the new addition. I'm not asking for advice on what my next steps should be. That's something I need to figure out based on all of the complex calculations we do in situations like these. But, I would like to know... Please, DCUM community, am I missing something? What do we owe our past partners? Where do you draw the line? |
Anonymous
|
I would never sign a co-sign a HOUSE loan for an ex. I would draw the line WELL WELL WELL before that. A computer, maybe. House, never.
I'm unclear about the other aspects of your post - are you pregnant with his child? Doesn't matter so much, but I would be more inclined to let an ex share my home if we had very recently broke up and he needed time to find new housing. Still, would never cosign for a house! Good luck, being pregnant and dealing with drama sucks. |
Anonymous
|
I haven't even finished reading the post, but had to day immediately...... If you co-sign for a house with your EX you are a giant dumbass.
Ok back to reading the post. |
Anonymous
| Yes you do need the reality check. You got 'chewedout' by your ex for not co-signing for a house? I agree you have a history and kids but it is not your responsibility. Please stay out of this kind of manipulation and take care of yourself and the kids. It was his choice to couchsurf. Stay firm and goodluck. |
Anonymous
| In a word, NO. Even if he were the greatest guy on earth, if he has any kind of financial problems, health issues, job loss, troubled girlfriend, etc. that would keep him from making payments (or if only to spite you), you'd be on the hook big time. |
Anonymous
| You'd have to be high on crack to even consider this. And he sounds like a sociopath to even ask. |
Anonymous
|
How do you spell, "manipulative"? Absolutely not. My ex was like this. Always managed to make himself the victim. So, this type of thing will only stop when you stop helping him all together. You're going to have to learn how to say "wow, that sucks" and leave. it. at. that. No more offers of anything -- not so much as a glass of water on a hot day. Anything he did for you in the past, he did because he wanted to. You are not responsible for that and don't owe him anything. However, he's coming to you because he knows (subconsciously or otherwise) that he can roll you. It must have worked in the past.
Just for giggles, trying writing out all the things you've paid for (and all the things he's paid for) and all the things you've done for him (and all the things he's done for you). I'd be surprised if your list isn't twice as long. (Mine was.) Look at that list every time he trashes you. It will keep you strong. Good luck, OP. |
Anonymous
|
He is an adult, and once the divorce is done, he may have the wherewithal to help himself to one of those properties you mention
Tell him 'no way in hell' He's an EX... |
Anonymous
Excellent advice here! OP, please heed what this poster said! |
Anonymous
|
Please for the love of Pete, DO NOT CO-SIGN A LOAN!!!
You owe it to your children to be financially responsible, and co-signing a loan is almost always irresponsible. Tell me what happens when he defaults. Tell me what happens when he bullies you into some other loan. Tell me what happens when he bullies you into doing something else. |
TheManWithAUsername
Member Offline
Member Offline
| I wouldn't even speak to someone who tries to chew me out, much less co-sign a loan for them. |
Anonymous
|
For a fucking house? No fucking way. A computer, maybe. A car, maybe if you're making over $100k and have no other debts.
But I bet if you go ahead and do this, you won't protect yourself one bit. |
Anonymous
|
OP, the minute you co-sign that loan, you are fully responsible for the full amount.
You will not find a financial advisor anywhere in the land who would allow you to even entertain the thought. Don't do it. |
Anonymous
| NO. NO. And NO. |
Anonymous
| INSANE! |