Anyone with a mom who had you over 40?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother was 40 when she had me, which was pretty unusual then (early 70s). I think her age had more of an impact on her than on me--in ways both good (she became friendly with a number of younger women) and bad (people would sometimes mistake her for my grandmother, especially as the years passed). And it used to make her cringe when people would ask, "How old are you, little girl?" and I would answer "I'm 4 and my mommy's 44, when I'm 5 my mommy will be 45, when I'm 6..." though we all laughed about it when I grew up. Otherwise, I think our relationship when I was little was the same as that of my friends with younger mothers--loving, fun, etc.

The primary other effect (and one that you will surely not like to hear) is that my mother, obviously, became "old" before most of my peers' mothers and she died last year, leaving me too soon (not that it's ever the right age to lose your mom, but I feel cheated that my young kids will never get to know her, for example, and that she was too infirm to help me with my babies).

I could definitely have written this post. My mom did occasionally get mistaken as my grandmother and my mother died when I was 36, sadly never got to meet my precious and wonderful 2 yo son.

However, I will add one other upside. My parents were financially very comfortable. My father took early retirement at 55 and we travelled a lot and they had a lot of time to spend with my brother and I. We hiked parts of the Appalachian Trail and we rented a house in Hawaii for a month. We went to Europe for three months in third grade and I remember my teacher telling me she wished she could travel like I could. We did a service trip to Africa when I was 16, too, and that was very valuable to me.

[Anonymous]

WEll, I am sure you are going to be an awesome mom and this may not apply. but my mom seemed very tired and didn't do as many fun things as my friends/family's younger mothers...she was also always being confused as my grandma..which was in part because she never colored her gray hair...I am in my thirties and not close to her at all. ..she has age related health problems (arthritis etc..) and due to that it is not easy for her to engage in typical activities that my peer's moms do...for ex: helping out with grandchildren she does not engage in due to her health issues...Again, you are probably very different and age is really just a number, it is more about "attitude" and you are as young as you feel and act. my mom seemed to embrace being a 'senior citizen' way before she probably needed to...so guess I was stuck with a "granny momma"...

[Anonymous]

My mom was 39 when I was born in the early 70s. I always felt like my parents were much older than those of my peers (irony is that I became a mom at 31 and in some instances am feeling much YOUNGER than the parents of some of my kids' peers).

But back to my mom - she was unusual, I think, in that she was really active and sporty and we spent a lot of time outside, she liked to play sports, and had a lot of energy. That said, I think as I got older there was more of a generational disconnect - I never felt like my parents were "cool" and in a lot of cases totally didn't "get it" as far as clothes, friends, being popular, etc.

As an older mom, however, she had had a lot more experiences than some of my friends' parents had had, she had worked in several jobs, had advanced degrees, and had lived overseas. She was always a role model for me in this respect - I knew through her example that I could do whatever I wanted to do and be whatever I wanted to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 9.11. 43 ttc'er year old pp here again. Thanks for your good wishes. Yes, you were indeed lucky! what do you mean by "one shot deal" ? Thanks!

peed on an ovulation stick
noticed it was "time"
had sex that night
got pregnant

My cycles are short, by the way, so I had a limited window.

fingers crossed for you! Right after I got pregnant with #2, my friend, who was two years older, was pregnant with her second! So she was 44 when she had her second.

[Anonymous]

If you raise your kids in an urban area--DC, NYC, Boston,etc you won't be noticeably older than the other parents. Most ppl in the urban core don't birth until mid-age 35 and if they have more than one child they will mostimy be your age with their 2nd or third child.

I had first at 35 and second one month after I turned 38 and I feel pretty average age parent. About 90 percent of parents I meet ST our school and preschool and park are similar age- give or take a few years either way. Nothing noticeable. I look young for my 41 years-- I get placed around 35.

[Anonymous]

My mom was 41 when I was born (40 when my sister was born) back in the late 1950's. I think I used to blame everything I didn't like about my parents on their ages. As I have gotten older, I realized that it was not their age, but their personalities. Both my parents worked in professional fields, so their friends were friends from work or family. I think we were not close because of our personalities, not our age. My mom died before I adopted my child.

I am also an old parent and I don't expect to see any grandchildren, as my parents did not live to see their grandchild. So instead of being the sandwich generation, I cared for my parents before I adopted my child.

I can see the benefit of having children when you are young because then you can grow old and see your children grow old. My husband's parents had 5 children between age 20 and 27 and they get so see their children with gray hair and they have a great grand child who is 5 and a grandchild (whom I call their bonus grandchild) who is 4).

[Anonymous]

To 15.23. Single 43 year old ttc'er again. Your fertility is amazing! Me, not so lucky. The stats for over 40's suck, but then I hear stories like yours, and think "why not me?" (I also do not have the luxury of baby dancing.) So I keep trying, praying, spending $ ttc, and remember all of my other good fortunes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was 39 when I was born in the early 70s. I always felt like my parents were much older than those of my peers (irony is that I became a mom at 31 and in some instances am feeling much YOUNGER than the parents of some of my kids' peers).

But back to my mom - she was unusual, I think, in that she was really active and sporty and we spent a lot of time outside, she liked to play sports, and had a lot of energy. That said, I think as I got older there was more of a generational disconnect - I never felt like my parents were "cool" and in a lot of cases totally didn't "get it" as far as clothes, friends, being popular, etc.

As an older mom, however, she had had a lot more experiences than some of my friends' parents had had, she had worked in several jobs, had advanced degrees, and had lived overseas. She was always a role model for me in this respect - I knew through her example that I could do whatever I wanted to do and be whatever I wanted to be.

This is similar to me. My mom was 41 and was very active and took good care of herself. She had more energy than a lot of the younger moms. She was a career mom too, which made her more different than my friend's moms, but I actually loved the fact that she worked (my friends thought she was cool). She kept up with a lot of the trends - maybe because she worked. What I hated was that I didn't have the lazy summer that my friends did.

[Anonymous]

Now, however, the "issues" i had with an "older" mom aren't really going to affect your kids, because nearly everyone I know started having kids at an older age....plus, 40 is the new 30, etc. etc. Honestly, I don't see it as being an issue at all.

I agree with this pp. About a third of all of the moms I meet had their first child in the late thirties/early forties age range. Times have definitely changed, so I think the stigma of having an older mom is disappearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 15.23. Single 43 year old ttc'er again. Your fertility is amazing! Me, not so lucky. The stats for over 40's suck, but then I hear stories like yours, and think "why not me?" (I also do not have the luxury of baby dancing.) So I keep trying, praying, spending $ ttc, and remember all of my other good fortunes.

How many times?

A very good friend went through two fertility treatments at 41 with the second treatment being successful. complication-free pregnancy, easy delivery

Another friend (single) in her early 40s at the time also went through 2 treatments and now has a 7 yo girl!

There's always adoption, too. My mom's neighbor adopted two girls as infants when she was in her late 30s, I believe. They're now 17 and 13. lovely kids

[Anonymous]

Hi PP,

4 ivf's
5 iui's

A couple of those iui's were converted from ivf (early O, poor stim response.)

Hoping that this cycle would be another ivf, but blood levels were off. Getting new bloodwork results back tomorrow.

Very pro adoption, too, and recently strongly considering embryo donation (much cheaper! Simple process relatively speaking.


My question is this(?) With 40+ pregnancy stats being so low (less than 10 percent) I wonder why I hear of many over 40 pregnancies. The consensus from my friends/family/RE is that "you hear more about the good stories, also donor egg and people keep it a secret.* although, obviouly not impossible for an over 40 to get pregnant. Some people are just very fertile. Opinions about my question please also, some people (I.e people on this thread) said a 47 and 51 year old got pregnant. I believe you, but how come a lot of the literature says impossible for a 51 year old? There is so much conflicting info, donkt you think? Thanks for listening, and tia for your feedback!

[Anonymous]

My mom had me at 43 and I was the youngest of eight. We have always been close even though we often clashed over certain issues - she is very Catholc and was born in the 30s - and I definitely had a hard time in adolescence as I wasn't clued in to what was cool and when to start shaving/plucking, and it was hard to have cruel peers be the ones to educate me. I've always been somewhat sad/fearful of my parents dying while I'm still young, so that's an issue for me. I also think it would be really difficult to be an only child of older parents especially if you have young children of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom had me at 43 and I was the youngest of eight. We have always been close even though we often clashed over certain issues - she is very Catholc and was born in the 30s - and I definitely had a hard time in adolescence as I wasn't clued in to what was cool and when to start shaving/plucking, and it was hard to have cruel peers be the ones to educate me. I've always been somewhat sad/fearful of my parents dying while I'm still young, so that's an issue for me. I also think it would be really difficult to be an only child of older parents especially if you have young children of your own.

my situation right now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom had me at 43 and I was the youngest of eight. We have always been close even though we often clashed over certain issues - she is very Catholc and was born in the 30s - and I definitely had a hard time in adolescence as I wasn't clued in to what was cool and when to start shaving/plucking, and it was hard to have cruel peers be the ones to educate me. I've always been somewhat sad/fearful of my parents dying while I'm still young, so that's an issue for me. I also think it would be really difficult to be an only child of older parents especially if you have young children of your own.

my situation right now

mine too and it is hard

[Anonymous]

My mom had me in her mid 30s. I am in my mid 30s now (for cultural reference). I had a good friend who was an accident when her mom was 19. The biggest difference that I noticed was related to technology. My parents didnt get cable when it first came out as they didnt find it necessary, while my friend had not only cable but call waiting and a VCR. My parents were fairly tolerant of my music, tv shows, etc. (my mom took me to my first concert), however since my mom was in high school in the 50s, she wasn't as hip about other things. Like letting me get my ears pierced.