How do you deal with your spouse's top secret job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:7:58 - THANK YOU. Some women DO actually know what they are talking about. These men are trained to not talk to people worse than DCUM (egads!), the latter of which would NEVER get a clearance of the smallest kind because they don't know when to shut up. There are different levels of clearance, Einstein. Not all are your business, no matter how smart you THINK you are.

What the he'll are you even saying? Who are you addressing?

[Anonymous]

Ugh. You realize this is real life and not the movies, right?

[Anonymous]

This thread attracted the nutters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7:58 - THANK YOU. Some women DO actually know what they are talking about. These men are trained to not talk to people worse than DCUM (egads!), the latter of which would NEVER get a clearance of the smallest kind because they don't know when to shut up. There are different levels of clearance, Einstein. Not all are your business, no matter how smart you THINK you are.

Why do you assume it is only men who have these sort of jobs?

HAHA THANK YOU! I'm living the reverse situation. I DO sometimes feel like it distances me and DH sometimes because I want to share with him things that I can't. However, I really don't think men feel this way. They're not *usually* sharers. I know there are exceptions, but most men won't feel "distant" from their wives because they can't share everything. They don't even think about things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give him a blow job after you ask how is work and he will sing like a jail bird

Lol. I have to admit, I have done this with DH. It works. I know way more than I should.

He should be fired and/or jailed for disclosing this secret information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if he were that important, even you would not know about it. I know this. Grow up, and know when to shut up.

Bitchy much?

you are extraordinarily bitchy. PP is right and OP you sound like a petulant child. I reiterate what PP said about growing up and knowing when to keep your mouth closed.

[Anonymous]

OP, welcome to DC. Top secret clearance and working with top secret materials is not that big a deal here; it's extremely common. There are lots of other things to talk about with DH.

[Anonymous]

It's not like he can't talk about any aspect of his job, just the top secret stuff. People with these jobs know how to censor themselves in conversation and it's really not a big deal. He's not hiding information from you that affects your life, most likely, and if you're simply curious, that's not reason enough to compromise his clearance. You don't need to know every detail of your husband's daily life to enjoy a close, truthful relationship.

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone, it's OP again. Some of the unnecessarily crazy responses have made me laugh out loud. I'm not sure if that was the intention or not.

I know clearances are very common - never said they weren't - I've lived in DC for a very long time. Never said my husband was ultra important professionally, either. He's not. Nor is his work probably that glamorous. I'm not sure why anyone would read that from my posts. Odd.

Anyway, thanks to the PPs for the thoughtful feedback.

Hope everyone has a fun and long weekend!

[Anonymous]

OP, your post made perfect sense to me. I have no idea what some of the PPs are smoking. I have noticed recently that DCUM turns into a very scary place on Fridays.

Your concern is a legitimate one, but I've found most couples adjust to the change just fine. As long as the dude (or the female version of a dude) is not a douche.

[Anonymous]

A spouse who would come home and say "I did something just so cool today but I can't tell you about it" is simply immature. It's the adult version of nanny-nanny-boo-boo.

This applies to top secret government work, wall street, a lawyer with inside information, federal contractor with sole-source information, doctor with confidential patients -- whatever -- I would never come home and taunt my spouse like that. That has nothing to do with security clearance. That's immaturity.

[Anonymous]

I felt like I hit the lottery when DH got his position and clearance. He doesn't spend a lot of time discussing work now. We have similar educational backgrounds and worked in similar sectors. Believe me your discussions will be much better if he can't talk about work. You should be thrilled not insecure!

[Anonymous]

With all due respect, I think sometimes you have to know your spouse. I could share some minor details with my ex because he doesn't run his mouth. Since I became single, I've run into guys who can't hold water (not even to be malicious) so I know I could never share anything with them. ALso, he has to protect other's identities.

By the way, even with a TS clearance, you will work with people and have no clue what they do because they cant say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt like I hit the lottery when DH got his position and clearance. He doesn't spend a lot of time discussing work now. We have similar educational backgrounds and worked in similar sectors. Believe me your discussions will be much better if he can't talk about work. You should be thrilled not insecure!

One of my girlfriend's husband's works for the CIA and she said this was the best part. However she did make a point of staying on top of issues going on in the world so she could generally discuss things but not say so how was today.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone who knows what they are talking about are nutters or crazy or whatever negative label you want to give them PP. Climb out from under your dreadful rock once in a while.