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How do you deal with your spouse's top secret job?
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Anonymous
What a snarky bunch of answers. OP never said she thought her husband *should* talk about the top-secret aspects of his job. She just said she was having a tough time dealing with it and asked for advice. And there's certainly nothing wrong with posting about her concerns on an anonymous board. 
My husband has a similar kind of position and I too found it a bit tough to deal with at first. 16:54 hit it right on the nose--I worried that our closeness would be compromised if he couldn't talk to me about major things happening to him at work and it hurt knowing that I would always be excluded from such an important part of his life. But then I realized there are a lot of things I don't share with him about my job either, and I definitely don't feel our relationship has suffered as a result. After dealing with a big problem or issue at work all day, it's nice to come home and be able to talk about other things. There's no question that it's an adjustment, but don't worry--you will adjust. |
Anonymous
PP here - this is very true. It may seem exciting when you're getting into it, but truly, after a year it might just be another job at a desk. |
Anonymous
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Thank you, 16:54 and 20:45.
I am not sure where anyone got the idea that I want him to tell me things he is not supposed to. I do not want that at all, and would never, ever ask him to. 20:45 really hit the nail on the head -- I've had feelings of worry over being excluded from a certain aspect of his life, and feeling that our closeness might be compromised. I think it is going to take some time to adjust, then I'll be fine. Thanks again to all the PPs who have been in similar situations and offered insight. |
Anonymous
| OP, if he were that important, even you would not know about it. I know this. Grow up, and know when to shut up. |
Anonymous
Bitchy much? |
Anonymous
Bitchy much? 
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Anonymous
A TS clearance isn't a secret. People put that on their resumes. |
Anonymous
excuse me mrs seal team six, but anyone with a clearance has something they can't discuss at home, and it is reasonable for a spouse to wonder how it affects the relationship. There is nothing wrong with asking for advice. |
Anonymous
| I have to ask...are the bitchy posters on this thread 23 year old women whose husbands are entry level at State and soooooooooooo important that they JUST CAN'T TALK ABOUT WORK?!?! Seriously, this is D.C. There are janitors with top secret clearance. Poor OP was asking a very normal and common question. Lay off and save your inner knowledge of how the government works for your 5 year reunion. |
Anonymous
My husband has a boring regular job and we NEVER talk about work at hom. All work related stuff stays by the entrance door in our home. Including shoes 
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Anonymous
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It's weird at first. Then you get used to it. Then you realize how great it is that you don't have to listen to your SO yammer on and on about every detail of his job like most spouses do.
And even though the work specifics are left out, I still feel like I understand enough about his workday that we can connect. Like a PP stated, I'd rather hear about the office drama anyway, not the actual work. I also think it gets better over time because the spouse learns what he can and can't talk about. Sometimes in the beginning, they think they can't say anything about anything, so they act aloof and shady and defensive when asked "how was your day?" Behavior like this should go away over time. |
Anonymous
Step Two: Don't post about it on DCUM. |
Anonymous
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I get why OP is asking - because instead of coming home to the OP and saying, tough day at the office....we just blew up a small city today. He's going to go out with coworkers and talk to them. Maybe Ms. 2:30 am texter?
There ARE issues with not being able to talk to your significant other about what you do when you have a TS. If you don't know that, either you really are clueless about your marriage, or your just a "regular ole fed" 
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Anonymous
| 7:58 - THANK YOU. Some women DO actually know what they are talking about. These men are trained to not talk to people worse than DCUM (egads!), the latter of which would NEVER get a clearance of the smallest kind because they don't know when to shut up. There are different levels of clearance, Einstein. Not all are your business, no matter how smart you THINK you are. |
Anonymous
Why do you assume it is only men who have these sort of jobs? |