elementary school that would welcome my biracial child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still confused over this. I have a neighbor - a single white female (not like the movie!) - who adopted two AA girls. At the time they were living in Bethesda. Now they're in SS. The girls still attend middle and high school in Bethesda, and while they are the minority, I don't see it affecting them in a negative way. I do think that parenting has a lot to do with it. So again, running does no one any good. And sadly, what I'm hearing is that white CHILDREN in these predominately white schools will harass your child or make him/her feel inferior. As a white person, that's what I'm reading into it.

See, as a white person, it is probably very difficult for you to imagine being in a position, as a young child no less, where you do not see yourself reflected around you. I am not saying kids would necessarily be harassed, although they might be. I grew up often being the only black child in certain situations. Was it racism when kids kept wanting to touch my hair because it was different? what about when I brought in something a little different for lunch, and they asked if all black people liked food like that? when parents in an attempt to be seen as liberal, kept inviting me for playdates with kids who barely spoke to me at school? No, I would not really call those things racism, but they were a byproduct of being different, being seen as a curiosity. You may think it is harmless, but it messes with your mind when you are little. what about when I was older, and certain friends were not allowed to come over to my house (but I was welcome at theirs)? Most white kids are not at schools where they only comprise 10% or less of the student body. Even when they are, the majority of their teachers are often white. And then their world at large is most likely majority white as well - their doctor, dentist, people they see on tv, their parents' friends. Yes, there are some exceptions, but most white kids with white parents who live in places like Bethesda, chevy Chase, etc grow up in a world that is overwhelmingly white, and the diversity that they see is not generally black people. And for the person who adopted transracially, her kids don't even see themselves reflected at home. The fact that you don't see it affecting them negatively doesn't mean they won't ever experience identity issues. Why would you think they would be sharing those feelings with you? Many adoptees don't even share those feelings with their own parents.
Again, why put the burden of integration on your child's shoulders when you can move somewhere that is more integrated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still confused over this. I have a neighbor - a single white female (not like the movie!) - who adopted two AA girls. At the time they were living in Bethesda. Now they're in SS. The girls still attend middle and high school in Bethesda, and while they are the minority, I don't see it affecting them in a negative way. I do think that parenting has a lot to do with it. So again, running does no one any good. And sadly, what I'm hearing is that white CHILDREN in these predominately white schools will harass your child or make him/her feel inferior. As a white person, that's what I'm reading into it.

See, as a white person, it is probably very difficult for you to imagine being in a position, as a young child no less, where you do not see yourself reflected around you. I am not saying kids would necessarily be harassed, although they might be. I grew up often being the only black child in certain situations. Was it racism when kids kept wanting to touch my hair because it was different? what about when I brought in something a little different for lunch, and they asked if all black people liked food like that? when parents in an attempt to be seen as liberal, kept inviting me for playdates with kids who barely spoke to me at school? No, I would not really call those things racism, but they were a byproduct of being different, being seen as a curiosity. You may think it is harmless, but it messes with your mind when you are little. what about when I was older, and certain friends were not allowed to come over to my house (but I was welcome at theirs)? Most white kids are not at schools where they only comprise 10% or less of the student body. Even when they are, the majority of their teachers are often white. And then their world at large is most likely majority white as well - their doctor, dentist, people they see on tv, their parents' friends. Yes, there are some exceptions, but most white kids with white parents who live in places like Bethesda, chevy Chase, etc grow up in a world that is overwhelmingly white, and the diversity that they see is not generally black people. And for the person who adopted transracially, her kids don't even see themselves reflected at home. The fact that you don't see it affecting them negatively doesn't mean they won't ever experience identity issues. Why would you think they would be sharing those feelings with you? Many adoptees don't even share those feelings with their own parents.
Again, why put the burden of integration on your child's shoulders when you can move somewhere that is more integrated?

PP, thanks for explaining this so much better than I could have.

[Anonymous]

That is so strange -- I am Asian and encountered the exact same experience. Kids were never allowed to come to my house, but I was allowed at theirs (this made their parents feel very progressive). Whenever my white friends and I got in trouble at school together, I would be the only person who was punished. I didn't mind at the time, but now that I look back at that at that stuff, it seems extremely unfair (and definitely not something I would want my kids to deal with in school). In elementary school, at least three girls told me to "go back to your country." In middle-school, I was told that black hair was "ugly."

My white friends cannot imagine a blatantly racist environment -- they will concede that subtle racism exists, but they refuse to believe that people are *that* racist. Being a minority, you learn that it's possible.

Personally, there is no way I'd send my kids to a school that lacks diversity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still confused over this. I have a neighbor - a single white female (not like the movie!) - who adopted two AA girls. At the time they were living in Bethesda. Now they're in SS. The girls still attend middle and high school in Bethesda, and while they are the minority, I don't see it affecting them in a negative way. I do think that parenting has a lot to do with it. So again, running does no one any good. And sadly, what I'm hearing is that white CHILDREN in these predominately white schools will harass your child or make him/her feel inferior. As a white person, that's what I'm reading into it.

See, as a white person, it is probably very difficult for you to imagine being in a position, as a young child no less, where you do not see yourself reflected around you. I am not saying kids would necessarily be harassed, although they might be. I grew up often being the only black child in certain situations. Was it racism when kids kept wanting to touch my hair because it was different? what about when I brought in something a little different for lunch, and they asked if all black people liked food like that? when parents in an attempt to be seen as liberal, kept inviting me for playdates with kids who barely spoke to me at school? No, I would not really call those things racism, but they were a byproduct of being different, being seen as a curiosity. You may think it is harmless, but it messes with your mind when you are little. what about when I was older, and certain friends were not allowed to come over to my house (but I was welcome at theirs)? Most white kids are not at schools where they only comprise 10% or less of the student body. Even when they are, the majority of their teachers are often white. And then their world at large is most likely majority white as well - their doctor, dentist, people they see on tv, their parents' friends. Yes, there are some exceptions, but most white kids with white parents who live in places like Bethesda, chevy Chase, etc grow up in a world that is overwhelmingly white, and the diversity that they see is not generally black people. And for the person who adopted transracially, her kids don't even see themselves reflected at home. The fact that you don't see it affecting them negatively doesn't mean they won't ever experience identity issues. Why would you think they would be sharing those feelings with you? Many adoptees don't even share those feelings with their own parents.
Again, why put the burden of integration on your child's shoulders when you can move somewhere that is more integrated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is so strange -- I am Asian and encountered the exact same experience. Kids were never allowed to come to my house, but I was allowed at theirs (this made their parents feel very progressive). Whenever my white friends and I got in trouble at school together, I would be the only person who was punished. I didn't mind at the time, but now that I look back at that at that stuff, it seems extremely unfair (and definitely not something I would want my kids to deal with in school). In elementary school, at least three girls told me to "go back to your country." In middle-school, I was told that black hair was "ugly."

My white friends cannot imagine a blatantly racist environment -- they will concede that subtle racism exists, but they refuse to believe that people are *that* racist. Being a minority, you learn that it's possible.

Personally, there is no way I'd send my kids to a school that lacks diversity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am still confused over this. I have a neighbor - a single white female (not like the movie!) - who adopted two AA girls. At the time they were living in Bethesda. Now they're in SS. The girls still attend middle and high school in Bethesda, and while they are the minority, I don't see it affecting them in a negative way. I do think that parenting has a lot to do with it. So again, running does no one any good. And sadly, what I'm hearing is that white CHILDREN in these predominately white schools will harass your child or make him/her feel inferior. As a white person, that's what I'm reading into it.

See, as a white person, it is probably very difficult for you to imagine being in a position, as a young child no less, where you do not see yourself reflected around you. I am not saying kids would necessarily be harassed, although they might be. I grew up often being the only black child in certain situations. Was it racism when kids kept wanting to touch my hair because it was different? what about when I brought in something a little different for lunch, and they asked if all black people liked food like that? when parents in an attempt to be seen as liberal, kept inviting me for playdates with kids who barely spoke to me at school? No, I would not really call those things racism, but they were a byproduct of being different, being seen as a curiosity. You may think it is harmless, but it messes with your mind when you are little. what about when I was older, and certain friends were not allowed to come over to my house (but I was welcome at theirs)? Most white kids are not at schools where they only comprise 10% or less of the student body. Even when they are, the majority of their teachers are often white. And then their world at large is most likely majority white as well - their doctor, dentist, people they see on tv, their parents' friends. Yes, there are some exceptions, but most white kids with white parents who live in places like Bethesda, chevy Chase, etc grow up in a world that is overwhelmingly white, and the diversity that they see is not generally black people. And for the person who adopted transracially, her kids don't even see themselves reflected at home. The fact that you don't see it affecting them negatively doesn't mean they won't ever experience identity issues. Why would you think they would be sharing those feelings with you? Many adoptees don't even share those feelings with their own parents.
Again, why put the burden of integration on your child's shoulders when you can move somewhere that is more integrated?

My daughter is biracial. In Kindergarden, a child told her that "brown people are not as smart as white people." In middle school the white boys told her that they are not "attracted to African American women." My son (in second grade) was invited to a birthday party and the little girl told him that her mom was worried that he would feel uncomfortable because he would be the only black person at the party. He came home completely confused and baffled. He's pretty comfortable in any environment where people don't say weird things like that! These are just a few examples of what happens if you are a biracial kid in a relatively diverse environment. Imagine if you were one of 20 or so black kids in a school of 350.

[Anonymous]

I'm really disturbed by this thread. Honestly, OP, trust me, MOCO is simply not a hotbed of latent (or more blatant) racial prejudice! My kids attend one of the schools mentioned earlier on this thread. It was suggested that, b/c this school has an 80% white population, it must be a hostile, unwelcoming environment for a biracial child. That is nonsense! I would not let my children attend a school where that type of closed-mindedness was the norm. I'd love to see our school become more diverse -- but that won't happen if families like yours are sold a "bill of goods" that you will not be made welcome. Honestly, don't believe what you have read here. You'd be more than welcome at any of the schools mentioned here. Good luck and we hope you consider any of our MOCO schools!

[Anonymous]

Several posters have commented that they were invited to the homes of white children but that the white kids were not allowed to come to theirs. I can tell you for sure I've invited kids of all races and SES level to my home for playdates and birthday parties. Very rarely did the families of those kids invite us to their home. It happened only once, in fact. I don't know the reason why, but the kids remained friends. From time to time they would ask why they couldn't go to their friend's house and I would just say because their parents are busy. I don't think these posters know for certain whether those kids actually were not allowed to come to their home, or whether the parents just didn't want to deal with it so put that out there as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several posters have commented that they were invited to the homes of white children but that the white kids were not allowed to come to theirs. I can tell you for sure I've invited kids of all races and SES level to my home for playdates and birthday parties. Very rarely did the families of those kids invite us to their home. It happened only once, in fact. I don't know the reason why, but the kids remained friends. From time to time they would ask why they couldn't go to their friend's house and I would just say because their parents are busy. I don't think these posters know for certain whether those kids actually were not allowed to come to their home, or whether the parents just didn't want to deal with it so put that out there as an excuse.

Why would you make assumptions about what your child's friends parents were thinking, and then use your assumption to discount the voices of others? I am one of the PPs who was invited to white friends homes, but had white friends who could not come to my home. I know they were not allowed because they told me so. It is that typical privileged perspective that if you can't imagine something is true, well then, it must not be true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really disturbed by this thread. Honestly, OP, trust me, MOCO is simply not a hotbed of latent (or more blatant) racial prejudice! My kids attend one of the schools mentioned earlier on this thread. It was suggested that, b/c this school has an 80% white population, it must be a hostile, unwelcoming environment for a biracial child. That is nonsense! I would not let my children attend a school where that type of closed-mindedness was the norm. I'd love to see our school become more diverse -- but that won't happen if families like yours are sold a "bill of goods" that you will not be made welcome. Honestly, don't believe what you have read here. You'd be more than welcome at any of the schools mentioned here. Good luck and we hope you consider any of our MOCO schools!

A school with an 80% white population is not diverse. Therefore it is a suspect and potentially problematic environment for a Black or biracial child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Several posters have commented that they were invited to the homes of white children but that the white kids were not allowed to come to theirs. I can tell you for sure I've invited kids of all races and SES level to my home for playdates and birthday parties. Very rarely did the families of those kids invite us to their home. It happened only once, in fact. I don't know the reason why, but the kids remained friends. From time to time they would ask why they couldn't go to their friend's house and I would just say because their parents are busy. I don't think these posters know for certain whether those kids actually were not allowed to come to their home, or whether the parents just didn't want to deal with it so put that out there as an excuse.

Why would you make assumptions about what your child's friends parents were thinking, and then use your assumption to discount the voices of others? I am one of the PPs who was invited to white friends homes, but had white friends who could not come to my home. I know they were not allowed because they told me so. It is that typical privileged perspective that if you can't imagine something is true, well then, it must not be true.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really disturbed by this thread. Honestly, OP, trust me, MOCO is simply not a hotbed of latent (or more blatant) racial prejudice! My kids attend one of the schools mentioned earlier on this thread. It was suggested that, b/c this school has an 80% white population, it must be a hostile, unwelcoming environment for a biracial child. That is nonsense! I would not let my children attend a school where that type of closed-mindedness was the norm. I'd love to see our school become more diverse -- but that won't happen if families like yours are sold a "bill of goods" that you will not be made welcome. Honestly, don't believe what you have read here. You'd be more than welcome at any of the schools mentioned here. Good luck and we hope you consider any of our MOCO schools!

You are unbelievable! Are you saying that I am lying about my children's experiences in Montgomery County schools? Why would I want to do that? It is in my best interest, as a mom of biracial children, to encourage parents of non-white children to send their kids to Montgomery County schools. But I can't lie and pretend that their children will not ever experience racism in the Montgomery County schools. I live here and I do think this environment is better than most but it is not perfect, even in the more diverse areas where I have lived. I told three stories that actually happened to my kids and you are calling this "a bill of goods?" You need to wake up and take a good look around you or you are helping to perpetuate the problem that you claim does not even exist in Montgomery County.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad right now that I don't live down county. None of my friends with biracial kids even call them biracial. Maybe Blindian (black indian) with a smile. You guys are so uptight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so glad right now that I don't live down county. None of my friends with biracial kids even call them biracial. Maybe Blindian (black indian) with a smile. You guys are so uptight.

What Utopian village do you live in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so glad right now that I don't live down county. None of my friends with biracial kids even call them biracial. Maybe Blindian (black indian) with a smile. You guys are so uptight.

This statement is very similar to the common white, liberal, totally misguided, "I don't even see you as black." Or "I'm colorblind."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really disturbed by this thread. Honestly, OP, trust me, MOCO is simply not a hotbed of latent (or more blatant) racial prejudice! My kids attend one of the schools mentioned earlier on this thread. It was suggested that, b/c this school has an 80% white population, it must be a hostile, unwelcoming environment for a biracial child. That is nonsense! I would not let my children attend a school where that type of closed-mindedness was the norm. I'd love to see our school become more diverse -- but that won't happen if families like yours are sold a "bill of goods" that you will not be made welcome. Honestly, don't believe what you have read here. You'd be more than welcome at any of the schools mentioned here. Good luck and we hope you consider any of our MOCO schools!

If you raise a question of race/racism in one of the lilly white schools in Bethesda you will most likely be told two things:
1. that they are "disturbed" by your question because racism would never take place in THEIR COMMUNITY 2. that you are the first person EVER to raise the question of race at their school

The problem is that by denying that it can even exist they are unwilling to look at themselves and examine their values and their attitudes towards those that are different. I wonder how individual cases were handled in some of those schools. I am not just talking about race but for instance about different cultural beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really disturbed by this thread. Honestly, OP, trust me, MOCO is simply not a hotbed of latent (or more blatant) racial prejudice! My kids attend one of the schools mentioned earlier on this thread. It was suggested that, b/c this school has an 80% white population, it must be a hostile, unwelcoming environment for a biracial child. That is nonsense! I would not let my children attend a school where that type of closed-mindedness was the norm. I'd love to see our school become more diverse -- but that won't happen if families like yours are sold a "bill of goods" that you will not be made welcome. Honestly, don't believe what you have read here. You'd be more than welcome at any of the schools mentioned here. Good luck and we hope you consider any of our MOCO schools!

You would like for your child to get the benefits of diversity by having more minority children attend the school, putting the burden of diversity on their backs. How dare these parents thwart your desires for a more diverse school by sending their children to schools with more kids who loook like them. Would you love for your child to experience diversity by being among the small minority in a school that was 80% black or 80% hispanic? Even if someone was telling you how wonderful it would be for their school to have more white people?