Approaches to get Young Adults to start supporting themselves?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Are you folks doing every single thing the same way your parents did? Did you graduate college in the middle of a recession, 10:02?

A part-time job could barely cover gas and other incidentals. And a year's rent to Mom is going to pay what, a month of his own place.

There's more than one way to approach this. The mother here is not a problem. She just doesn't think like many of you. I know plenty of parents, married, single, etc., who would do precisely what the mother's doing.

Well, PP -- Op's question was, what strategies could get young adults to start supporting themselves.

It appears that your answer is -- don't? They can't, it is a bad economy?

Well, good news. Looks like the stepson's mother is perfectly willing to support him, so... I guess she should just continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There's more than one way to approach this. The mother here is not a problem. She just doesn't think like many of you. I know plenty of parents, married, single, etc., who would do precisely what the mother's doing.

After I graduated college, I worked for a year, then moved back in with my folks to go to graduate school. My parents paid tuition for my grad school (state school and I also got a scholarship). I worked part time while attending school full time and was through in 2 years. I also shopped for groceries, cooked meals and helped my folks take care of two elderly grandparents who lived with us. So I wasn't mooching, I was a full member of the family, and I was very grateful for every bit of assistance I got from my parents, who did not charge me anything for rent or food.

As soon as I graduated and was able to find a job I moved out. I was very motivated to be on my own.

If that's what OP's stepson is doing, I think it's find for his mom and dad to continue supporting him. but otherwise, letting someone live with you rent free when they don't seem to have ambition and drive is just a recipe for developing a helpless young adult.

[Anonymous]

Health insurance: what will you do if he has a major health problem and need your help? If you will bail him out, then just pay the damn premium. If you won't, then don't.

Worry about making him independent in ways that have fewer repercussions for your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Health insurance: what will you do if he has a major health problem and need your help? If you will bail him out, then just pay the damn premium. If you won't, then don't.

Worry about making him independent in ways that have fewer repercussions for your life.

I agree. Health insurance is not the hill you want your child to push your child to (possibly literally) die on. Especially since we have no way of knowing whether the pre-existing condition exclusions are going to come back, it's still better to not allow a gap in coverage at all, especially not to prove a principle that your child is not going to appreciate until they're sick and on the wrong side of a denial of coverage in 10 years.

I think the strategies that others have suggested are good, and I also agree with the person who says that the state of the economy is not to be scoffed at. This is not a good time to be pushing people out into their own households if it means accruing debt that they will struggle to pay off in years to come. Just because a person comes from a family that supports them doesn't automatically mean they have better access to jobs than other young people fresh out of college. There is no shortage of those folks in this area, and many more people behind them willing to hustle for a minimum wage job. I'd focus on being a productive member of the family and not necessarily make it all about a monetary tally, if it's possible to be decouple those two things.

[Anonymous]

He has a part time job and some income, so I would be expecting him to be budgeting and taking care of his bills. Within the next couple years, I'd probably start charging rent.

Sometimes you have to let them make mistakes and learn from them. If you continuously dig them out and cover them, they often won't learn.

My parents got rid of my old bedroom by the time I was 19. My college was far from home. I got my own apartment (sharing with my twin sister) by 23. Worked several part time jobs through college and went through quite a few monetary ups and downs but I learned quickly how to manage money and take care of the needs before the wants. Of course, at first all I had to worry about was basic bills (rent, electric, etc) but having that basis down helped later when I started taking on more monetary responsibilities, like health insurance and student loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Are you folks doing every single thing the same way your parents did? Did you graduate college in the middle of a recession, 10:02?

A part-time job could barely cover gas and other incidentals. And a year's rent to Mom is going to pay what, a month of his own place.

There's more than one way to approach this. The mother here is not a problem. She just doesn't think like many of you. I know plenty of parents, married, single, etc., who would do precisely what the mother's doing.

Not the PPs you are referring to but I graduated college in 1982. There was a recession going on then. I was terrified of ending up a homeless person on the street. Of course, that wasn't realistic because my parents would have saved me. However, I never, ever considered falling back on them because in my mind I would been a total loser. I was very motivated to pound the streets looking for a job. Luckily, I found one that I loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This MAN could get several part-time jobs, even in a bad economy.

Someone, apparently, is not able to get jobs in this economy. Are ALL of the unemployed just lazy moochers who are too good to be making an honest buck doing unpleasant work?

With that said, it seems this guy isn't even trying and that mom is not on board with anything. OP, until mom is on board with something, nothing will change.

I do like the idea of charging rent and saving it up w/o telling the guy. My parents charged me $300 a month when I got my first "real" job and quite frankly, they needed the money more than I did.