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Elementary School-Aged Kids
Approaches to get Young Adults to start supporting themselves?
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Anonymous
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My SS is turning 21 this summer and will no longer be covered on our family medical insurance. We can purchase additional coverage for him, but it costs $200/month plus higher co-pays.
First, I want to make it clear that we want to keep him covered and we want to support him. He recently graduated from college with a BA, but still lives his mom and works part time. My question is... how do other parents tackle the issue of getting young adults to start supporting themselves? We want him to be covered, but we also think he is old enough to start paying for some of his own bills. Should we pay the premium, but tell him he needs to start paying the co-pays? Or should we just pay it all and let him take more time to get more financially independent? Or give him a timeline - like we pay it all for the first year, but by the second year he needs to start paying the co-pays? TIA! |
Anonymous
| An adult should be responsible for all of their bills. |
Anonymous
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How responsible is the young adult in question? Is health insurance something he values? If not, he's not likely to accept the responsibility to pay for it. When my stepson moved out, we determined what things we wanted enough that we were willing to pay for even if he fell short. Health insurance was one of them until he no longer qualified on our plan. We thought it important for him to have a cell phone so that we could reach him. When he stopped paying us for it when the bills arrived, we shut off all functionality except phone calls (no texting, no internet capabilities). We did not pay any car or transportation-related expenses.
The one thing I would encourage you to consider is to be very careful when it comes to co-signing anything unless you know you'll have visibility over it. My DH co-signed a lease for a distant family member before we met. Turns out said individual never paid the rent and he didn't know it until it was already in debt collection mode and on his credit report. Obviously not an issue if your stepson is responsible but just new-graduate-poor. |
Anonymous
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"Or give him a timeline - like we pay it all for the first year, but by the second year he needs to start paying the co-pays? "
How is this enforced? |
Anonymous
Technically, the policy would be in his name from the start. He's an adult, therefore its his policy. Even though it is under our parent insurance, we would have no obligation whatsoever - legally speaking. We couldn't even ask what doctors visits he had. That said, we would have the bills sent to our addres, so we would get tham and pay them. After 1 year, we would change the billing address to his address with the explanation that he needs to pay it. If he doesn't pay it, it goes on his credit record, not ours. |
Anonymous
Thanks! I agree - although he 'intellectually' understands the importance of health insurance, there are many other things that are more important to him. Our opinion is that health insurance is important and not one of those things he can go without. He's a good kid, just not motivated to enter the adult world. |
Anonymous
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I took a very low-paying job right out of college. My parents kept me on their medical insurance and car insurance as long as they could (23 at the time, I think). Then they helped me find very low cost major medical ($65 a month in 1995, which was almost 10% of my take home).
I think if he is still living at home, he should contribute something in the way of room and board. Maybe not market value, but something. That way he gets used to the fact that a large percentage of income goes to food and housing and he needs to be looking at jobs that can support him. His parents can save/invest that money and gift it for a down payment later, if they so wish. I also think that if he is living at home, he gets the same rules as a high school student would have. Curfew. No significant others in bedrooms (or three feet on the floor and the door open at least 6", depending on your rules), chores, etc. Encourage him to want to leave the nest to regain the freedom he was accustomed to in college. |
Anonymous
| SS should have been making a financial contribution long before college graduation. |
Anonymous
Not helpful. We actually tried this with tuition, but his mom ended up paying what we didn't and we ended up looking like the unsupportive parents for a semester. He's lived with her the entire time, he now has a room in the basement (no rent). So, we want to continue to be supportive of him yet gently nudge him to independence. |
Anonymous
If you are seriuos, the first step is to make him pay rent in some amount. |
Anonymous
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"we want to continue to be supportive of him yet gently nudge him to independence. "
You should have been doing this long before college graduation. |
Anonymous
why? |
Anonymous
Yep. I have a 22 year old. He'll graduate from college next year. His first year of college, We bailed him out of a couple of messes....late rent, bounced checks, etc..... We helped him out a little during his sophomore year as well. Last year, we let him fall. He is on a full ROTC scholarship so all of his books, tuition, fees, etc..... are paid. And he gets about $1200 a month from the national guard plus living expenses paid by ROTC. Yet somehow (parties, girlfriend, and beer) he still managed to get himself into a financial mess. And we told him he was on his own. He had to sell his car to catch up on his rent and pay some speeding tickets. And now he walks back and forth to class. He is covered under our health insurance. And I still send him care packages and a little extra money occasionally. But I will not solve his problems for him. I would much rather him learn these tough lessons while he is in college than later when he is supporting a wife and children. So my answer....Sometimes the only way to get them to start supporting themselves is to stop giving them a safety net. Tell him to put on his big boy pants and act like a man. |
Anonymous
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When it comes to health insurance, I would pay it until you can no longer afford it, but have him pay you for it. Tell him if he wants to live in the basement he needs to pay you for the health insurance you are covering. I started getting health insurance as soon as I got out of college although I had to buy an individual policy and joined an HMO. But if you son (stepson?) gets sick or injured with no health insurance, then it is the family which would end of paying. Can you cover a bill for $100,000 for a motorcycle accident or something like that.
The reason I was so savvy about health insurance when I was 22 is because my sister got seriously ill when she was 20 and I could see all the appointments and care, in patient and out patient she was getting. And it was very clear to me that with no health insurance there was no care. Pay for health, instill the importance of health insurance. |
Anonymous
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OP,
Income usually drives this, not age. He's working part-time, what's he making and what are his job prospects like and does he have any loans or does he own a car? It's really hard for recent college grads to find jobs and become self-supporting, the unemployment rate for this group is sky-high. What does his father think? ("But" still lives with his mom? This is very common! Many new college grads do!) FYI: In three years he'll be 24 and if it's not overturned Obama's healthcare the cutoff age will be 26. |