Playground incident

[Anonymous]

this is just a little weird - I am 8:32, but did not post the 8:53 comment. strange.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but I'm so sick of parents acting like every little thing needs parental intervention. This type of intervention was badly managed to boot, but besides that, I feel like we are raising a generation of people who will not know how to deal with anyone they don't get along with. I just do not recall my parents (who were loving sweet and attentive) being so intimately involved in my day to day activities as a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this is just a little weird - I am 8:32, but did not post the 8:53 comment. strange.

I think a lot of people identify themselves as PP and don't necessarily mean they are the immediate PP.

[Anonymous]

Good god, this is ridiculous to refer to that incident as bullying. We are raising a bunch of kids who will freak out at any adversity if THIS is what we refer to as bullying, and it also really trivializes actual bullying.

[Anonymous]

As a former kindergarten teacher the kind of play OP described is developmentally normal!! When this type of incident would arise on the playground sometimes intervention was appropriate, sometimes it was important to let the children sort it out. Good guy/bad guy play is important for childrenat this age. I can't tell you how many times I have had to console a child who did not want to be the bad guy, but never did I consider the other children involved bullies- they are called five year old's, it is what they do on a daily basis. They are still learning social skills like including children and assigning play roles...
Lay off OP's parenting, maybe a intervention would have been helpful but unfortunately the child's father didn't attempt one, he is the one who should have tried to help his son enter into that kind of play when his son couldn't negotiate it on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a former kindergarten teacher the kind of play OP described is developmentally normal!! When this type of incident would arise on the playground sometimes intervention was appropriate, sometimes it was important to let the children sort it out. Good guy/bad guy play is important for childrenat this age. I can't tell you how many times I have had to console a child who did not want to be the bad guy, but never did I consider the other children involved bullies- they are called five year old's, it is what they do on a daily basis. They are still learning social skills like including children and assigning play roles...
Lay off OP's parenting, maybe a intervention would have been helpful but unfortunately the child's father didn't attempt one, he is the one who should have tried to help his son enter into that kind of play when his son couldn't negotiate it on his own.

I agree with everything you wrote BUT the key thing you are missing is these kids all knew each other with the exception of the newcomer. A school playground is totally different. For the father to call it 'mauling' my first instinct is the kids all ganged up on the outsider and were perhaps bratty, not nice and crossed the line. I have seen some really horrible behavior (and I am about as un-PC as they come) on the playground with exactly these types of situation. We have a public park in our neighborhood and there are a group of "nice boys" that live in the houses surrounding and think they own it...it is like lord or the flies when an 'outsider' arrives...even stick poking and rock throwing. My boys are younger but I've had to go over and intervene since their nanny is too busy chatting away.

I just really think it sounds like OP doesn't even entertain the idea that maybe her 'good kids' are capbale of crossing the line. Again, I could be wrong. Very little is gained from a single posting.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for the kid with the cursing dad. He's got a long road ahead if that is how dad handles things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a former kindergarten teacher the kind of play OP described is developmentally normal!! When this type of incident would arise on the playground sometimes intervention was appropriate, sometimes it was important to let the children sort it out. Good guy/bad guy play is important for childrenat this age. I can't tell you how many times I have had to console a child who did not want to be the bad guy, but never did I consider the other children involved bullies- they are called five year old's, it is what they do on a daily basis. They are still learning social skills like including children and assigning play roles...
Lay off OP's parenting, maybe a intervention would have been helpful but unfortunately the child's father didn't attempt one, he is the one who should have tried to help his son enter into that kind of play when his son couldn't negotiate it on his own.

I agree with everything you wrote BUT the key thing you are missing is these kids all knew each other with the exception of the newcomer. A school playground is totally different. For the father to call it 'mauling' my first instinct is the kids all ganged up on the outsider and were perhaps bratty, not nice and crossed the line. I have seen some really horrible behavior (and I am about as un-PC as they come) on the playground with exactly these types of situation. We have a public park in our neighborhood and there are a group of "nice boys" that live in the houses surrounding and think they own it...it is like lord or the flies when an 'outsider' arrives...even stick poking and rock throwing. My boys are younger but I've had to go over and intervene since their nanny is too busy chatting away.

I just really think it sounds like OP doesn't even entertain the idea that maybe her 'good kids' are capbale of crossing the line. Again, I could be wrong. Very little is gained from a single posting.

Oh and for a 4-year old to take on 4 other kids ranging to age 6 is a pretty big thing. 4 against 1...not many 4-year olds can take on that...much less a 40-year old.

Further...who is the idiot that thinks no bullies exist in elementary school? That is the classic hollywood story..didn't you ever see "The Christmas Story' or "Stand by Me". I love when Ralphie loses his sh*t and finally fights back! Kids are actually more brutal prior to learning approptiate social skills. It becomes more cyber bullying at an older age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel sorry for the kid with the cursing dad. He's got a long road ahead if that is how dad handles things.

I don't think anyone is arguing that point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I'm so sick of parents acting like every little thing needs parental intervention. This type of intervention was badly managed to boot, but besides that, I feel like we are raising a generation of people who will not know how to deal with anyone they don't get along with. I just do not recall my parents (who were loving sweet and attentive) being so intimately involved in my day to day activities as a child.

Totally agree here.

I have a 5 yo and he is big into playing "good guy / bad guy". Sometimes he is the good guy, sometimes he is the bad guy. I can imagine him saying to a complete stranger - you are the bad guy. He is too young to understand that some kids don't like being called a bad guy, but by calling a kid a bad guy, does that rise to the level of bullying? No way.

Kids need to learn to also get along or ignore the behavior that is bothering them. My 5 yo is actually super sensitive and prone to getting upset about things. My job as a parent is to protect him, but really - I need him to protect himself by learning coping skills and to ignore kids who aren't being nice to him.

But I can't believe how many people here are throwing around the "bullying" word in this context. Please people...not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I'm so sick of parents acting like every little thing needs parental intervention. This type of intervention was badly managed to boot, but besides that, I feel like we are raising a generation of people who will not know how to deal with anyone they don't get along with. I just do not recall my parents (who were loving sweet and attentive) being so intimately involved in my day to day activities as a child.

Totally agree here.

I have a 5 yo and he is big into playing "good guy / bad guy". Sometimes he is the good guy, sometimes he is the bad guy. I can imagine him saying to a complete stranger - you are the bad guy. He is too young to understand that some kids don't like being called a bad guy, but by calling a kid a bad guy, does that rise to the level of bullying? No way.

Kids need to learn to also get along or ignore the behavior that is bothering them. My 5 yo is actually super sensitive and prone to getting upset about things. My job as a parent is to protect him, but really - I need him to protect himself by learning coping skills and to ignore kids who aren't being nice to him.

But I can't believe how many people here are throwing around the "bullying" word in this context. Please people...not appropriate.

4 kids calling one new kid that they don't know the 'bad guy' is intimdating...esp if they get aggressive and add in some other name calling, etc. This almost always happens when you get a group of buddies facing off with an outsider. Good guy/bad guy is not a bad game nor is it being a bully to play it with somebody. I think it is the dynamic that went wrong in the situation. It was a numbers/ganging up thing that probably caused the problem; not the game per se.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with pp. It sounds like your kids were bullying at the top of the slide and that even if they did not touch him, they probably do not understand how scary it can be to face a "mob" if you are the only "bad guy". Agree that the father did not handle it well, but if I felt my kid was being targeted by a group of others, I would be pretty pi$$ed too.

Perhaps not you, or your friends, but I have heard and I know people who refuse to believe their child/ children has/have ever done anything to hurt another child. It was not nice to tell a new child in the group that he was the "bad guy," and PP is right that this is scary and hurtful. As was noted earlier there are no winners in this scenario. In future, one of the group should be within unobstructed view when they can hear what is going on with children.

I'm guessing you don't have a 4-5 yo boy... This really is not unusual behavior and as another poster mentioned, a pretty normal developmental milestone. These kids didn't do anything that was scary or hurtful - at least, it wouldn't be scary or hurtful to a normal 5 yo kid.

It is so obvious the people who are posting on here who don't have kids in that age group...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
4 kids calling one new kid that they don't know the 'bad guy' is intimdating...esp if they get aggressive and add in some other name calling, etc. This almost always happens when you get a group of buddies facing off with an outsider. Good guy/bad guy is not a bad game nor is it being a bully to play it with somebody. I think it is the dynamic that went wrong in the situation. It was a numbers/ganging up thing that probably caused the problem; not the game per se.

Where did OP say that those kids got aggressive or started some other name calling???

Please people - you are projecting here...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with pp. It sounds like your kids were bullying at the top of the slide and that even if they did not touch him, they probably do not understand how scary it can be to face a "mob" if you are the only "bad guy". Agree that the father did not handle it well, but if I felt my kid was being targeted by a group of others, I would be pretty pi$$ed too.

Perhaps not you, or your friends, but I have heard and I know people who refuse to believe their child/ children has/have ever done anything to hurt another child. It was not nice to tell a new child in the group that he was the "bad guy," and PP is right that this is scary and hurtful. As was noted earlier there are no winners in this scenario. In future, one of the group should be within unobstructed view when they can hear what is going on with children.

I'm guessing you don't have a 4-5 yo boy... This really is not unusual behavior and as another poster mentioned, a pretty normal developmental milestone. These kids didn't do anything that was scary or hurtful - at least, it wouldn't be scary or hurtful to a normal 5 yo kid.

It is so obvious the people who are posting on here who don't have kids in that age group...

I am not so sure it was as simple as these kids solely telling the new kid he was the bad guy. You think they told their parents what they really were up to? Sounds like name calling and prob some other things as well. I do have kids in that age range adn I spend a lot of time at the playground and my kid's preschool playground. They know the concept of getting in trouble and they are beginning to be keen at lying to teachers and parents...the weak kid will even go along with their story so as not to draw more attention to himself. I have witnessed some pretty serious "weiner punches"---nasty name calling, etc and kids do react differently when they have a little 'gang' with them. I think OP will never know what really happened---but I think she needs to entertain the possibilty that her children are capable of behavior other than 'good'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
4 kids calling one new kid that they don't know the 'bad guy' is intimdating...esp if they get aggressive and add in some other name calling, etc. This almost always happens when you get a group of buddies facing off with an outsider. Good guy/bad guy is not a bad game nor is it being a bully to play it with somebody. I think it is the dynamic that went wrong in the situation. It was a numbers/ganging up thing that probably caused the problem; not the game per se.

Where did OP say that those kids got aggressive or started some other name calling???

Please people - you are projecting here...

She didn't because she wasn't near by and didn't hear or see anything. Yet- she says they are '4 good kids' which leads me to believe she really thinks they are incapable of such and the kids can tell her whatever she wants to hear.