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Not wanting to share baby's name yet...is this rude?
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Anonymous
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I forgot to add that before I had my fibroids removed, I actually named them "George" and "Martha" (no idea why). But with the babies I've used "sprout", "resident", "blossom", "pikachu" (if my friends are on this forum, that last one and the names of my fibroids just gave me away)...
I agree that there is a weird feeling for me to call or think about the child using the names we've picked. And as a PP said, its because I had a few miscarriages before #1. |
Anonymous
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People are so sensitive about names. I mean, if you like the name, who cares what responses other people have? And like a PP (or 2) pointed out, people will feel free to tell you they hate a name even after the baby is born.
Make the decision you want to and own it. You don't have to tell anyone the name beforehand, but there's also no need to be unpleasant about your choice not to tell. |
Anonymous
That is HORRIBLE!!!! I can't imagine telling someone (to their face at least) that I didn't like their child's name. Now if it was something horrible or vulgar I might be inclined to ask where they came up with the name. |
Anonymous
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I disagree with the previous posters who said it is unusual for people to share the baby's name before it's born. Pretty much everyone shares if they are decided. Not that they should. DH and I didn't, because that's our way. Even though we were "totally decided", a week before she was born we suddenly started considering other names, one of which we ultimately went with. I think we would have felt pressure to go with what we had told people if they knew.
My friend is expecting hers soon, and at her baby shower, there was tons of stuff with her LO's monogram. If she starts to feel like she wants to consider a different name, I'm sure she will just repress those feelings and go with the name she had told everyone. Kind of a crappy situation. OP, if anyone gives you a hard time, all you say is "We have name picked out, but we're not sharing." If people give you a hard time after that (and only a moron would-- it's so obvious and understandable that you don't want to hear others' impressions/opinions), say something like I did. "I haven't told my mom yet, so I'm sure as hell not telling you." |
Anonymous
Yeah, it was surprising. It's a unisex name, more commonly given to boys, but nothing what I would consider wildly out of left field- Casey. To be fair, before my son was born, I also did have people (namely my boss) tell me how he didn't like the middle name we had picked out. As a PP said, I didn't care what he thought and told him so. My boss' opinion had zero to do wih what we named DS. And, after DS was born, he still campaigned for me to change his name. Anyway, my point is not to say that people MUST share the names- that's their prerogative, of course. I was just trying to illustrate that rude people will be rude at any point...they have no boundaries and won't/don't care if the baby is still baking or here. |
Anonymous
| Like a PP, we didn't want to be pinned down until our baby was born. People still wanted to know our shortlist (which I declined to answer), but they were generally less belligerent about being kept in the dark when they thought we hadn't chosen a name. People take things so personally! |
Anonymous
Wow, people gave you a hard time about Casey? I was expecting something truly awful, not that I would ever say to anyone's face that their kid's name sucks, but Casey? Totally normal and non-offensive. My DH still sometimes says he doesn't like our son's name, and in fact calls him by another (similar) name. DS is 3. I told him to cut it out, if he'd objected that strongly, he should have said no and offered an alternative. |
Anonymous
| not rude. just annoying. what's the big deal if people know? they're going to know eventually. |
Anonymous
| We've been bugged about names mostly by extended family and my standard response now is (with a big smile) "It's the one thing my husband and I are keeping special just between us." Although I've also used "we have a few in mind, but want to meet her first before deciding." I find the first response tends to best cut off any further questions or comments. |
Anonymous
Not a big deal. I just don't want them to know. That's that. |
SarahF
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| Not rude at all! Inevitably someone will turn their nose up at the name, so it's best to wait until the baby is born.... then what are they going to say. I don't plan to reveal the name until he/she is here! |
Anonymous
| We never shared our daughter's name until she was in our arms. When family and friends harassed us, we told them it was harder for them to criticize the name once it was on the birth certificate. |
Anonymous
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I thought it was weird and I was a little put off when our best friends wouldn't share their child's name with us. It wasn't that big a deal but it did annoy me and hurt my feelings a little.
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Anonymous
But if they're not sharing it with anyone, why would it hurt your feelings? If they told some but not others and you felt singled out, that would be one thing, but if it's across the board, I don't see the issue. |
Anonymous
| I think saying "we picked it, but we aren't sharing" is asking for conflict. I just said, "we're open to suggestions!" or something like that. As it turns out, when our daughter was born we ended up picking a name for her that wasn't even on our top three before we met her-- so you might change your mind. |