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Not wanting to share baby's name yet...is this rude?
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Anonymous
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I guess I must be the odd woman out b/c I see no issue with sharing the name before hand. In fact, it never occurred to me to not share for both my children, but now that I know some people prefer to not share, I don't ask.
FWIW, people still made rude comments AFTER my daughter was here. Rude people don't respect boundaries regardless. The rude comments might be the only thing that would stop me...I'm not superstitious in the least. |
Anonymous
| No it's not rude. When people ask just tell them you aren't sure yet or you want it to be a surprise. I don't think anyone would consider it rude if you said you were waiting to announce the name. |
Anonymous
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OP here, thanks for all the positive responses!!!!
We've gotten a lot of you're being selfish, why tell me you've chosen a name but won't share, I told you our name, etc. I don't go around telling people, we've decided on a name but I'm not going to tell you. But if you are my sibling and ask I'm not going to flat out lie to you, I just try to switch the subject. With #1 everyone thought certain people knew (which wasn't true) and when I shared the middle name which is after my sister at my shower (she was throwing it) it just pissed people off more that they knew the middle name but not the first name. And then people tried to give their input (like MIL) which made me HATE some of the names I would have loved if we had another girl. To strangers I've made up all kinds of things. Sometimes I'm taken off guard when people ask and say yes we've finally decided and then do the oh crap what did I just say- pregnancy brain has been bad this time around. I think overall we got so much crap about it with #1 with all the ways we tried not to say anything that it really hit me hard this time. But, with this one, I also won't tell you my exact due date either. I had a c-section with the first, got so much crap despite it being a totally medically necessary and then the date had to change and it was just so annoying. People all thought the baby was coming on this day and then I didn't want to tell people we changed it but it came out and was just a mess. This time, in the event the date changes (repeat is necessary) only 2 people know the date and they are the ones caring for #1. I guess I'm just annoyed that so many feel my pregnancy and body are their knowledge! It's bad enough when people think you're having your kids too close together and have to tell you so! Or, when they tell you you're expecting any day and you've got 8 weeks to go! |
Anonymous
LOL. I am not laughing at you but at people's responses to your decision. They sound like something a 2nd grader would say  . Some people share everything while others keep everything. Some fall in the middle. People need to loosen up and respect the other's decision. I have told some people the babies names and I've declined to even discuss them with others. However, in some cultures it is customary to reveal the name at birth (a kind of let's see the baby first and pick from our prepared list) and in other cultures the baby's name is revealed days or maybe months later (it is usually a naming ceremony or similar.)
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Anonymous
| Here's another angle to consider- if you were Jewish and observant and had a boy, you wouldn't announce the name until he was 7 DAYS OLD at the bris! If it was a girl, it would be not only bad form but extremely bad luck to reveal the name before birth. Let 'em sit on that. |
Anonymous
| I think it's a little creepy to refer to a child by name before birth! We didn't share any of our potential names, nor the sex (which we didn't know) and people didn't make a big deal. It's really none of their business! |
Anonymous
Why is it creepy to refer to the child by name before birth? People asked me name/sex and I was happy to share. Would you think that was creepy? |
Anonymous
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I totally understand where you're coming from. We're expecting twin boys and have gotten lots of interest about what the names will be. We love the names we've chosen and don't want any unsolicited opinions on them. So we started referring to them as Mario and Luigi It definitely sounds better than Baby A and Baby B! My husband and I don't even refer to them by their names yet... maybe it's a little superstitious.
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Anonymous
Not the poster you're responding to, and "creepy" is a little strong for my taste, but I agree with her. I can't really put my finger on why, but I never thought of DD as her name until she was born. Some people I've talked to said it was hard for them to personalize the baby after several miscarriages - didn't want to get really attached until they were sure the pregnancy was viable. Not my story, but I can understand it. Also, OP, we didn't tell either. People gave me a lot of grief about it. I told them that they could wait for the birth announcement like everyone else. |
Anonymous
This is a good approach. Because if some well-meaning person asks, and you say something to the effect of "we know but we're not telling you," it's odd. It's a normal conversational question to a pregnant person. |
Anonymous
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I agree with the PP's: it's perfectly fine not to share, and to fib a little to get out of an awkward convo. DH and I are pretty sure we have a name, but we're keeping to ourselves because a) we could change our minds, b) people have already given all kinds of unwanted opinions about names we were considering, and c) we just don't want him to be named until he's born...we want to see his face first
I just tell people we're still deciding and we'll know when we see him! |
Anonymous
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I always said that we had a short list of names and we were still deciding. Very few people pressed me further than that. And if they did, I just said, we're not telling people the name.
I also am not a person who wants to share the name beforehand. It's not rude at all. My main reason is I think people feel more open to tell you their opinion of the name if the baby isn't here yet. Once you have an actual baby, people seem to restrain themselves more. So it's just easier to avoid the ...oh that's my cousin's dog's name...or...oh that was the slutty girl in my junior high...type of comments. |
Anonymous
That's exactly how I feel! I figure if you just announce the baby's name is _____ what can they do at that point? My brother is giving me so much grief over this...the funny thing is that with his 5 kids, he only announced the first ones name! |
Anonymous
There's still a lot they can do after the baby is born. I posted earlier that after my daughter was here, I still had people tell me they didn't like her name. |
Anonymous
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We didnt share DC#1's name until birth and we're doing the same with DC#2. No one has given us a hard time. Not our families, not our friends, not even strangers.
When people ask, I just say that we're a little superstitious and aren't sharing the name until the baby is born. People seem just fine with that explanation. Done. |