Can bad parent play date etiquette get children uninvited to classmate's homes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grew up in the 70's and we definitely had play dates We didn't call them that, but I can remember asking my mother if I could walk home from school with a friend the next day, or begging my mom to let so and so come home with us after church, or telling a friend who rang the doorbell "can you come back at four, my mom says I have to finish my book report before I come out to play. See scheduled "play"with peers, set up with parental involvement.

Same. I have fond memories of playing with my best buddy from pre-school at his house and mine. We didn't live within walking distance, so there was coordination and dropping off and picking up. And in elementary school, parents called parents to see if friend one could go home with friend two, etc. It was called "coming over to play" or "I'm a single mom and need somewhere for my kid to go after school because there's no such thing as aftercare in 1979," etc.

Yes. I had a friend who came over regularly who went to a different school. It wasn't until I was grown up (and my mom told me) that I realized she was actually having a playdate with me because her mother was a single mom and my mom used to watch her. There were lots of "playdates" after school - going home to other kids' houses, eating lunch together, etc. etc. etc. Some were arranged in advance and others happened organically. My kids are much better off if they see their kids on the weekend, and I enjoy connecting with their parents, even if it's just a drop and run thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am about to embark on a weekend playdate blitz (finally have a house where somebody does not have a cold!) for my DD who is 4, and I'm wondering what's expected in terms of snacks (for kids and adults) and timing.
I do not agree with pp. who said kids must spend their whole weekend exclusively with parents. I can tell DD would prefer to be with a friend or two when she's playing on our backyard swingset or at the park. We still make time for activities together. In fact I've been so into family activities that I've been neglecting to develop her friendships outside school (or with other parents who might turn out to be nice.)

I posted about how I thought OP should just forget about the playdates because it just seems like a waste of energy to figure out why her daughter is being univited to classmates' homes. It seems strange to me that parent's would uninvite a child based on his/her parent.

OP - How do you know that you your child was uninvited? Do you think the only reason you believe you were uninvited is because you did not reciprocate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just forget about the playdates and spend time with your children? They need to spend time with you. They see there friends all day at school. We never had playdates when we were kids. We just played with the kids on our block and that was fine.

Make up your mind - the OP should either spend all the non-school time with her kids (because kids never want to or benefit from seeing other kids outside of school?) or the kids should play with the kids on the block (in which case, I suspect, they wouldn't be spending time with the OP).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those 70s kids, we played hide and go seek until after dark and rode our Big Wheels out of sight of the house. One kid fell out of a tree and was electrocuted when he grabbed a power line to stop his fall. One kid got snatched off her bike when she sent a friend home to ask if they could keep some lost kittens, she was never found. But mostly good clean fun.

Yeah, Walnut Creek, California. The prosperous heart of Bay Area suburbia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to embark on a weekend playdate blitz (finally have a house where somebody does not have a cold!) for my DD who is 4, and I'm wondering what's expected in terms of snacks (for kids and adults) and timing.
I do not agree with pp. who said kids must spend their whole weekend exclusively with parents. I can tell DD would prefer to be with a friend or two when she's playing on our backyard swingset or at the park. We still make time for activities together. In fact I've been so into family activities that I've been neglecting to develop her friendships outside school (or with other parents who might turn out to be nice.)

I posted about how I thought OP should just forget about the playdates because it just seems like a waste of energy to figure out why her daughter is being univited to classmates' homes. It seems strange to me that parent's would uninvite a child based on his/her parent.

OP - How do you know that you your child was uninvited? Do you think the only reason you believe you were uninvited is because you did not reciprocate?

I don't know. I was just looking for some advice. It seems like every time I ask a question on this board there has to be one or a couple of people who are just snarky and mean. Taking things out of context and reading into what it is that I asked. My reason for writing is so I could get opinions from other parents who have been in my situation. I did get some great opinions and observations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to embark on a weekend playdate blitz (finally have a house where somebody does not have a cold!) for my DD who is 4, and I'm wondering what's expected in terms of snacks (for kids and adults) and timing.
I do not agree with pp. who said kids must spend their whole weekend exclusively with parents. I can tell DD would prefer to be with a friend or two when she's playing on our backyard swingset or at the park. We still make time for activities together. In fact I've been so into family activities that I've been neglecting to develop her friendships outside school (or with other parents who might turn out to be nice.)

I posted about how I thought OP should just forget about the playdates because it just seems like a waste of energy to figure out why her daughter is being univited to classmates' homes. It seems strange to me that parent's would uninvite a child based on his/her parent.

OP - How do you know that you your child was uninvited? Do you think the only reason you believe you were uninvited is because you did not reciprocate?

I don't know. I was just looking for some advice. It seems like every time I ask a question on this board there has to be one or a couple of people who are just snarky and mean. Taking things out of context and reading into what it is that I asked. My reason for writing is so I could get opinions from other parents who have been in my situation. I did get some great opinions and observations.

Hi OP, I hope you didn't think I was being mean or snarky. I feel the same way sometimes when I post a question, so I apologize if my posting appeared to be mean or unthoughtful in any way. I just thought it was unkind for other parents to uninvite your child. If there are parents out their uninviting children then I think it's pretty sad, and all I was saying is that you should not worry about it so much. Sorry if my message did not come across as I had intended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to embark on a weekend playdate blitz (finally have a house where somebody does not have a cold!) for my DD who is 4, and I'm wondering what's expected in terms of snacks (for kids and adults) and timing.
I do not agree with pp. who said kids must spend their whole weekend exclusively with parents. I can tell DD would prefer to be with a friend or two when she's playing on our backyard swingset or at the park. We still make time for activities together. In fact I've been so into family activities that I've been neglecting to develop her friendships outside school (or with other parents who might turn out to be nice.)

I posted about how I thought OP should just forget about the playdates because it just seems like a waste of energy to figure out why her daughter is being univited to classmates' homes. It seems strange to me that parent's would uninvite a child based on his/her parent.

OP - How do you know that you your child was uninvited? Do you think the only reason you believe you were uninvited is because you did not reciprocate?

I don't know. I was just looking for some advice. It seems like every time I ask a question on this board there has to be one or a couple of people who are just snarky and mean. Taking things out of context and reading into what it is that I asked. My reason for writing is so I could get opinions from other parents who have been in my situation. I did get some great opinions and observations.

I know what you're saying. From my experience here and on other boards, it seems like there really are a few nasty people on each one who have nothing good to say to anyone!Just ignore the cranky people and take what you can from those who actually try to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am about to embark on a weekend playdate blitz (finally have a house where somebody does not have a cold!) for my DD who is 4, and I'm wondering what's expected in terms of snacks (for kids and adults) and timing.
I do not agree with pp. who said kids must spend their whole weekend exclusively with parents. I can tell DD would prefer to be with a friend or two when she's playing on our backyard swingset or at the park. We still make time for activities together. In fact I've been so into family activities that I've been neglecting to develop her friendships outside school (or with other parents who might turn out to be nice.)

I posted about how I thought OP should just forget about the playdates because it just seems like a waste of energy to figure out why her daughter is being univited to classmates' homes. It seems strange to me that parent's would uninvite a child based on his/her parent.

OP - How do you know that you your child was uninvited? Do you think the only reason you believe you were uninvited is because you did not reciprocate?

I don't know. I was just looking for some advice. It seems like every time I ask a question on this board there has to be one or a couple of people who are just snarky and mean. Taking things out of context and reading into what it is that I asked. My reason for writing is so I could get opinions from other parents who have been in my situation. I did get some great opinions and observations.

Hi OP, I hope you didn't think I was being mean or snarky. I feel the same way sometimes when I post a question, so I apologize if my posting appeared to be mean or unthoughtful in any way. I just thought it was unkind for other parents to uninvite your child. If there are parents out their uninviting children then I think it's pretty sad, and all I was saying is that you should not worry about it so much. Sorry if my message did not come across as I had intended.

no worries. e-mailing and blogging are weird that way. you can write something with good intentions and have it misinterpreted. i have had that happen on a couple of occasions. thanks for taking the time to explain.