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Can bad parent play date etiquette get children uninvited to classmate's homes?
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Anonymous
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My daughter has had play dates with four different classmates. She has NOT been invited back for a second date. Is that a reflection on my daughter or me -- the parent? Any play date parent bad etiquette that I need to know about?
Also, I live out of bounds for my child's school and all of her play dates have been at in bound homes. Should I invite children to our house for play dates, or is that weird and inconvenient for parents? |
Anonymous
| They probably haven't invited her back because they are waiting for you to reciprocate. If you think that your location might be an inconvenience, perhaps you could invite the child over, but then say that you'd be happy to host a playdate closer to the neighborhood (say, at a park) if that would be more convenient. |
Anonymous
I wouldn't think too much about it in a negative way. Reciprocate if you can. Just remember, kids don't care if they are OOB when they visit with their friends 
If it is truly a difficult proposition to have the kids over then it might be a good idea to think about organizing a play event somewhere like the PP suggested. |
Anonymous
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Reciprocate if you can. I also try to offer to drive one direction for playdates with kids who live farther away.
I think if you live far from a school you have to make more of an effort. |
Anonymous
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Uh, you've not reciprocated anything, you're just waiting for your child to be invited back, and now you're asking here if there is a such a thing as bad parent etiquette? Look, as another poster said, I wouldn't think too much about it in a negative way. But the base line of etiquette is I invite you, you invite me. If you're not meeting these parents at least halfway (and I don't mean geographically), matching the effort they put into your child into their child, then yes, you're exhibiting bad parenting etiquette. (note to good friends who never, ever have us over or even call us to meet them out for dinner, while I slave away cooking huge (and kinda pricey) diners for you: this is why we stopped having you over as much!)
Now, living far away geographically is a hurdle. You can bring it up to them - it was so nice of you to have DC over! WE'd love ot have you over too, though as you know we live in XX - would that be a problem? I also spend time at the park in your neighborhood - maybe we could have your child with us one day? |
Anonymous
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Wow. This is one of the nicest threads I've seen in a while. ITA with PPs about suggesting an activity versus a date. Sometimes invites are driven by kids, who are naturally fickle, more than parents. Try not to take it personally. There are some lovely kids I would love to have back to our IB house. My kids are less welcoming and I don't have the energy to impose. Things may change in the fall when kids know each other more. OP, it's very polite of you to ask for guidance in advance. Wishing you the best.
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Anonymous
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I'm 21:49, and I completely admit to being a tad snarky (anonymity can be just a little bit fun). But I just thought of something else- if you're new in the school, it may be that some parents are cycling through kids for playdates, looking for good fits for their kids (or the parents). So maybe they just haven't come back around to you.
With most of my friends, it's not a I invite you you invite me. It's definitely an informal thing, and once you get to know people it all balances out. It's when people chronically don't reciprocate that I feel myself getting a little annoyed. But when first starting out, I think it's important that you're not seen as a taker without also being a giver, too, you know? It doesn't have to be an equal match, but in some way demonstrating that you reach out too, is important, I think. WIll be curious to hear what others think. |
Anonymous
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I do not reciprocate because we are temporarily living in a messy one bedroom. Some friends' families keep inviting us back, some have dropped us. Interestingly, it is always the ones I did not feel an affinity for that we do not see anymore.
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Anonymous
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Reciprocate in other ways - offer to take the kids to a museum on a Saturday, or drive a bunch o' kids to the arboretum this weekend to look at the magnolias and play by the columns. Playdates inside in spring are silly. |
Anonymous
| Why don't you just forget about the playdates and spend time with your children? They need to spend time with you. They see there friends all day at school. We never had playdates when we were kids. We just played with the kids on our block and that was fine. |
Anonymous
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"I do not reciprocate because we are temporarily living in a messy one bedroom. Some friends' families keep inviting us back, some have dropped us. Interestingly, it is always the ones I did not feel an affinity for that we do not see anymore. "
Yup. |
Anonymous
What a concept! |
Anonymous
They didn't call them play dates, and you probably weren't aware they were scheduled, or maybe it was an impromptu neighborhood. But yes, when i was a kid our parents arranged for times when we could meet up. There are no children my son's age on our block. So I'd rather have playdates with children he knows and mom's I know. |
Anonymous
| You need to reciprocate, or at least make some sort of gesture you're interested in more playdates, wherever they may be. I've got a friend who's house is small, so she never hosts, but she's always volunteering to bring the snacks. |
Anonymous
Nope. I'm 100% sure that we never had play dates. We spent time with our friends at school and then we had plenty of friends to play with on our block or athetic lessons. OP - I would stop wasting your energy and time on worrying about playdates and just spend the time with your children. They need you not playdates. |