Can bad parent play date etiquette get children uninvited to classmate's homes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just forget about the playdates and spend time with your children? They need to spend time with you. They see there friends all day at school. We never had playdates when we were kids. We just played with the kids on our block and that was fine.

They didn't call them play dates, and you probably weren't aware they were scheduled, or maybe it was an impromptu neighborhood. But yes, when i was a kid our parents arranged for times when we could meet up. There are no children my son's age on our block. So I'd rather have playdates with children he knows and mom's I know.

Nope. I'm 100% sure that we never had play dates. We spent time with our friends at school and then we had plenty of friends to play with on our block or athetic lessons.

OP - I would stop wasting your energy and time on worrying about playdates and just spend the time with your children. They need you not playdates.

This really is true. I grew up in the 60's and early 70's--if there weren't kids on your block that were EXACTLY your age it was just TOUGH TOENAILS. You had to get along with whomever there was to play with. Some days, *GASP* you had to amuse yourself, completely alone for hours @ around ages 7, 8,9,10. I'm certain some children actually DIED from not having at least one scheduled play date per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you just forget about the playdates and spend time with your children? They need to spend time with you. They see there friends all day at school. We never had playdates when we were kids. We just played with the kids on our block and that was fine.

They didn't call them play dates, and you probably weren't aware they were scheduled, or maybe it was an impromptu neighborhood. But yes, when i was a kid our parents arranged for times when we could meet up. There are no children my son's age on our block. So I'd rather have playdates with children he knows and mom's I know.

Nope. I'm 100% sure that we never had play dates. We spent time with our friends at school and then we had plenty of friends to play with on our block or athetic lessons.

OP - I would stop wasting your energy and time on worrying about playdates and just spend the time with your children. They need you not playdates.

You said you spent time with other kids, just not as "play dates." No kid needs to spend all their free time with their parents. Playing with other kids is important -- and it's fun. My kids love play dates. Unfortunately our house is an embarrassing dump so I don't host as much as i should. : (

[Anonymous]

Who cares what happened in the '60s and '70s? How is that helpful for TODAY???? Tell you kid to open the front door and if they don't see bellbottoms then just squint or try harder.

[Anonymous]

I reject the "embarrassing dump", "too small" etc line of arguments for not hosting. My house is a MESS. Litterally a mess of jumbled toys and perhaps a piece of toast under the couch and oh god did the cat just throw up and is it really possible to have that many scooters, tricycles, bicycles, strollers, umbrellas etc in the front hallway kind of mess. Because people - real people - live here. This is akin to saying I don't go swimming because I am 10 pounds overweight and am embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit. People do not care (well, as long as it's not unsafe or there aren't visible signs of roaches or mice). It's a cop out to say you're too embarrassed to have people over. Get over yourself and live life. Don't wait til things are perfect - it'll never be perfect. It is what is is, and if you hide because you are embarrassed, you are the ones missing out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reject the "embarrassing dump", "too small" etc line of arguments for not hosting. My house is a MESS. Litterally a mess of jumbled toys and perhaps a piece of toast under the couch and oh god did the cat just throw up and is it really possible to have that many scooters, tricycles, bicycles, strollers, umbrellas etc in the front hallway kind of mess. Because people - real people - live here. This is akin to saying I don't go swimming because I am 10 pounds overweight and am embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit. People do not care (well, as long as it's not unsafe or there aren't visible signs of roaches or mice). It's a cop out to say you're too embarrassed to have people over. Get over yourself and live life. Don't wait til things are perfect - it'll never be perfect. It is what is is, and if you hide because you are embarrassed, you are the ones missing out.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reject the "embarrassing dump", "too small" etc line of arguments for not hosting. My house is a MESS. Litterally a mess of jumbled toys and perhaps a piece of toast under the couch and oh god did the cat just throw up and is it really possible to have that many scooters, tricycles, bicycles, strollers, umbrellas etc in the front hallway kind of mess. Because people - real people - live here. This is akin to saying I don't go swimming because I am 10 pounds overweight and am embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit. People do not care (well, as long as it's not unsafe or there aren't visible signs of roaches or mice). It's a cop out to say you're too embarrassed to have people over. Get over yourself and live life. Don't wait til things are perfect - it'll never be perfect. It is what is is, and if you hide because you are embarrassed, you are the ones missing out.

Great post. The only caveat I have is that I really don't feel like driving kids who comment on how messy my minivan is. Really, 8 years old. Yes, I know its messy. I have to drive somewhere to clearn it out because I don't have a garage to pull into.

[Anonymous]

I am about to embark on a weekend playdate blitz (finally have a house where somebody does not have a cold!) for my DD who is 4, and I'm wondering what's expected in terms of snacks (for kids and adults) and timing.
I do not agree with pp. who said kids must spend their whole weekend exclusively with parents. I can tell DD would prefer to be with a friend or two when she's playing on our backyard swingset or at the park. We still make time for activities together. In fact I've been so into family activities that I've been neglecting to develop her friendships outside school (or with other parents who might turn out to be nice.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what happened in the '60s and '70s? How is that helpful for TODAY???? Tell you kid to open the front door and if they don't see bellbottoms then just squint or try harder.

In the 60's and 70's, a lot of people knew every single one of their neighbors and felt comfortable unleashing their kids to the streets to play. I don't know where you live, but I just don't feel comfortable doing that in DC where I live now. Call me overprotective, but I consider myself sensible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what happened in the '60s and '70s? How is that helpful for TODAY???? Tell you kid to open the front door and if they don't see bellbottoms then just squint or try harder.

In the 60's and 70's, a lot of people knew every single one of their neighbors and felt comfortable unleashing their kids to the streets to play. I don't know where you live, but I just don't feel comfortable doing that in DC where I live now. Call me overprotective, but I consider myself sensible.

I hope you are agreeing with the post you quoted because you made my point! (If you weren't, I need to rethink my posting style.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I reject the "embarrassing dump", "too small" etc line of arguments for not hosting. My house is a MESS. Litterally a mess of jumbled toys and perhaps a piece of toast under the couch and oh god did the cat just throw up and is it really possible to have that many scooters, tricycles, bicycles, strollers, umbrellas etc in the front hallway kind of mess. Because people - real people - live here. This is akin to saying I don't go swimming because I am 10 pounds overweight and am embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit. People do not care (well, as long as it's not unsafe or there aren't visible signs of roaches or mice). It's a cop out to say you're too embarrassed to have people over. Get over yourself and live life. Don't wait til things are perfect - it'll never be perfect. It is what is is, and if you hide because you are embarrassed, you are the ones missing out.

I didn't know that was a cop out. I totally lived it until I actually lost the 10 pounds.

[Anonymous]

I was one of those 70s kids, we played hide and go seek until after dark and rode our Big Wheels out of sight of the house. One kid fell out of a tree and was electrocuted when he grabbed a power line to stop his fall. One kid got snatched off her bike when she sent a friend home to ask if they could keep some lost kittens, she was never found. But mostly good clean fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was one of those 70s kids, we played hide and go seek until after dark and rode our Big Wheels out of sight of the house. One kid fell out of a tree and was electrocuted when he grabbed a power line to stop his fall. One kid got snatched off her bike when she sent a friend home to ask if they could keep some lost kittens, she was never found. But mostly good clean fun.

Seriously? Your parents "raised" you in a neighborhood where TWO of your peers disappeared or died during your childhood? Wow - Losers!

[Anonymous]

Grew up in the 70's and we definitely had play dates We didn't call them that, but I can remember asking my mother if I could walk home from school with a friend the next day, or begging my mom to let so and so come home with us after church, or telling a friend who rang the doorbell "can you come back at four, my mom says I have to finish my book report before I come out to play. See scheduled "play"with peers, set up with parental involvement.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- my house is not a complete dump, it is messy, but nothing that can't be shined up for visitors, but I live substantially far away. I like the park idea. I'm going start next week repaying the visits. Thanks for the advice.

I sense that this post is going left with the disappearing children, no need for play date comments (I spend a great deal of time with my children by the way). etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grew up in the 70's and we definitely had play dates We didn't call them that, but I can remember asking my mother if I could walk home from school with a friend the next day, or begging my mom to let so and so come home with us after church, or telling a friend who rang the doorbell "can you come back at four, my mom says I have to finish my book report before I come out to play. See scheduled "play"with peers, set up with parental involvement.

Same. I have fond memories of playing with my best buddy from pre-school at his house and mine. We didn't live within walking distance, so there was coordination and dropping off and picking up. And in elementary school, parents called parents to see if friend one could go home with friend two, etc. It was called "coming over to play" or "I'm a single mom and need somewhere for my kid to go after school because there's no such thing as aftercare in 1979," etc.