Marriage stress about when we are "ready" for TTC

[Anonymous]

According to my doctor at Shady Grove, there is no 'precipitous decline' at 35, it just starts declining more rapidly. it's not like it falls off of a cliff.

That said, OP, I concieved my first at 33 and am now pregnant at 37. I personally found a big difference between my ability to conceive at 33 as compared to 37 and the reason we didn't try sooner is because of other life events that got in the way. So, I would try to compromise on a time a bit earlier (maybe not NOW but at 30 or 31) just to protect against: 1) potential fertility issues you may encounter TTC the first child, 2) other events which may interfere with TTC either the first or second, like the loss of a job, family illnesss, etc, and 3) potential fertility issues you may encounter TTC the 2nd child (if you want two, as indicated). I can tell you that I was kicking myself for letting my job situation delay my TTC the 2nd since it turned out to be incredibly stressful for me, not to mention very expensive as I had to turn to fertility treatments, however these things happen. I know quite a few people that literally couldn't afford emotionally or financially to have a second child and had to delay TTC. You can't plan for these things, but you can at least try to reduce the stress ahead of time if they occur by starting just a bit earlier and giving yourself a bit more buffer room.

[Anonymous]

Fertility may not necessarily decline "precipitously", but it does significantly at 35. Not to mention, risks for chromosomal abnormalities increase with age. That being said, is anyone ever really ready emotionally? Financially sure, but life changes with kids....you cannot even imagine until you have them. TTC is no picnic either, especially if you have to work at it. I tend to er on the side of caution and start earlier rather than later.

[Anonymous]

OP you are me from 2 years ago. Fast forward - we have a 1 year old, we still rent (and most likely will for several more years) and couldn't be happier. I say go for it.

[Anonymous]

I'm with PP at 16:19 -- I think starting to chart (and reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility," if you haven't already) would be helpful for you because it would allow you to be proactive. Plus, when it's time to TTC, you will have several (if not many) months of charted data re: your cycle, so you will know 1) exactly if/when you ovulate and 2) whether your luteal phase is sufficient. FWIW, it took me almost a year to conceive at 29 with no identifiable fertility issues. Also, while home ownership is wonderful, there are advantages to life with baby in a rented apartment. Instead of spending weekends doing home repairs/yard work, we relax and play with our baby and when something needs fixing, it's the landlord's problem!

[Anonymous]

I first got pregnant when I was 34 (first try) and then was 35 when I delivered my first child. I'm now 37 and when I turn 38 in a few months, we plan to TTC #2. Of course there's no way to know if it will be easy or kinda easy or hard or kinda hard or really hard for you to conceive but my personal advice, is to take a deep breath, relax, and don't let fear dictate your life. It did mine for a long time in my early 30's for the same reason as you but it didn't have to. I could've chose a more empowering path and had a lot more fun along the way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I wont comment on age, because you've heard a lot of different opinions and there is no 'right' answer in your case, except the answer that works for both you and your husband. But I will say that owning a house is not a prerequisite for having a baby--far from it. They don't need or take up a lot of space (at least, at first). Where the big expenses lie, at first, is in childcare (assuming both parents WOTH). If finances are tight, but otherwise you're BOTH ready, AND you have cheap rent, it might make more sense to figure out whether you can swing daycare costs first. If you tie all free income to a mortgage for the next couple years, then it will feel harder to do daycare.

The other issue is how aware he is of fertility. While you may be perhaps more worried than you should be at 29, it could also be that your husband believes that there is no issue in waiting a couple years. I was AMA when I met DH, but I had to educate him a bit about fertility. He assumed that it would be fairly "easy" to get pregnant up to about 42 and only after that would we need to think about ART. ha!