So intimidated by parents of child's friend

[Anonymous]

I'm always turned-off by people who hire interior decorators. I can't help it. I judge them for not being creative and for living in a home someone else designed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are Bill or Melinda Gates or homeless, it is a very reasonable guess that there are people who are more fortunate than you and people who are less fortunate than you. For myself personally, I find focusing on those with more than I have really hurts my ability to be my best person. I personally feel that we would all do better to focus more on those less fortunate than us and feel good about about what we have, however modest. It's not easy--t.v., advertising, everything seems to push us to notice who has a nicer car, nice shoes, nicer strollers... But when I find myself focusing on that stuff I picture the homeless services place next to the metro station that I walk past going and coming to work. I think about how grateful I am to have a loving hilarious wonderful and healthy son, a job with health care (!), a home that I own. Speaking just for myself, I find myself to be a warmer, funnier, and more interesting person, than being tongue-tied or depressed. So it's hard work, but I think it pays off in generally feeling better in my day.

My grandmother said the same. Always good to remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm always turned-off by people who hire interior decorators. I can't help it. I judge them for not being creative and for living in a home someone else designed.

We don't have an interior decorator, but need one. How do you judge those who show absolutely no sense of creativity at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always turned-off by people who hire interior decorators. I can't help it. I judge them for not being creative and for living in a home someone else designed.

We don't have an interior decorator, but need one. How do you judge those who show absolutely no sense of creativity at all?

This should maybe be a spin-off (and I'm a NP, not any of the PPs) but we have (very nice!) friends with a lot more money than we have and it kills me that their house could be so much nicer but they aren't really artsy/decorative types and seem to not really be inclined to make more of it. It's not that I want them to waste their money, but I do sometimes want to say, "give me a budget and let me go shopping for you!" (I like to think I know them well enough at this point that I would actually choose things they would like and not just decorate their house for me. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So...you won't judge us because we live in an apartment?...we are good people with good (but low salaried) jobs. I would probably be nervous to invite you over if you have a very nice house. It is a nice apartment...but is small with not a lot of room to "entertain."

When is the last time you were invited to someone's home for food and drink? Most people don't bother to do this. So, when we are invited, I am always (always) thrilled to go, thrilled to be treated, happy to be wanted. The lavishness (or not) of the venue is the very last thing on my mind.

I can't imagine that most people feel differently.

Agree

[Anonymous]

This is a good thread! I think none of this really should matter. I think that size of house, good looks, etc. are not measures. Now if you have a dirty, filthy, stinky house (messy is okay) and you are a back stabbing a**h***, then those are things to scrutinize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So...you won't judge us because we live in an apartment?...we are good people with good (but low salaried) jobs. I would probably be nervous to invite you over if you have a very nice house. It is a nice apartment...but is small with not a lot of room to "entertain."

Nope. The good people part is all we care about.

Same here! Many of us who are now well off came from a whole lot less growing up, and we truly don't care what others have or don't have.

Besides, "entertaining" is about the company, not the size of the room. We just like to spend time with nice people. Apartment, condo, townhouse, house, mansion whatever.

[Anonymous]

It's really nice to read about the different perspectives. I for one don't really think about these issues, but am really glad to hear how these aspects of our "make up" are perceived.

I think it is through hearing the different stereo types, that we can start to break through them.

We happen to have bought a house at a really good time and lucky to have chosen careers that we love and work really hard at. As a result, we were able to get a lot more house than we normally would have gotten, but to be completely honest, this house is not me. I think all the time about getting back into a house that is more "me" and frankly less work to keep up. After reading this thread, I really hope that we are not keeping people from being our friends because of the the house that we have ended up in.

I would love to hear from people how we can all make each other more comfortable and just find more time to have fun together with our families.

[Anonymous]

It matters most that our kids are having a great childhood together and that we can have some good conversation while we bring our kids together.

[Anonymous]

Two of my favorite friends are on opposite ends of the spectrum, and my DH and I are in the middle. One is a SAHM whose DH is a government lawyer. She is charming, delightful, an excellent hostess and just has it all together. The other and her DH built and sold a business for $100 million. She is intelligent, witty, kind and interesting.

My HHI is seven figures. Do I realize that we could be intimidating to my first friend? Yes, although I don't think we are. We genuinely love and respect her and her husband. I hope that comes through in all our interactions. Am I intimidated in turn by the second friend? No, because she would never ever brag about her millions or vacation homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two of my favorite friends are on opposite ends of the spectrum, and my DH and I are in the middle. One is a SAHM whose DH is a government lawyer. She is charming, delightful, an excellent hostess and just has it all together. The other and her DH built and sold a business for $100 million. She is intelligent, witty, kind and interesting.

My HHI is seven figures. Do I realize that we could be intimidating to my first friend? Yes, although I don't think we are. We genuinely love and respect her and her husband. I hope that comes through in all our interactions. Am I intimidated in turn by the second friend? No, because she would never ever brag about her millions or vacation homes.

Good perspective!

[Anonymous]

OP: They may be living a charmed life, or they may be keeping their own counsel.

(When my husband took ill, and I joined the secret club of people with big problems, I learned a great deal about coveting -- if you want it, you can have my house, great hair, lovely understated jewelry, welcoming attitude... it is a packaged deal, though, and comes with a terrifying downside. Not everyone who is terminal or probably terminal looks ill.)

[Anonymous]

wow, I am pleasantly surprised by some of the insight on this thread, not often shown. i would love to have friends who are not the "what's in it for me" backstabbing type. good to know you are out there. i hope. this is the op from the "underhanded friends" thread, btw. dh and i are still looking for just plain down to earth people that are not insecure, immature and prone to attacking others on the sly. i realize some will say "maybe its you". but i think it is being too nice that has gotten us into trouble. op, keep things in perspective, then you will be happy with what you have. like pp said, you can not buy health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: They may be living a charmed life, or they may be keeping their own counsel.

(When my husband took ill, and I joined the secret club of people with big problems, I learned a great deal about coveting -- if you want it, you can have my house, great hair, lovely understated jewelry, welcoming attitude... it is a packaged deal, though, and comes with a terrifying downside. Not everyone who is terminal or probably terminal looks ill.)

Just wanted to say how sorry I am--you sound so strong in the face of something so painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to echo pp. We have a nice home and love to cook (and eat, and drink good wine) and so invite lots of people over for dinner parties. So many of the friends/acquaintances we invite don't reciprocate and I suspect it is because they are worried they can't pull of something similar. Please know that I don't care if you have us over for a cup of tea, or beer and pizza, we just want to get to know you better and would be flattered to be invited.

This is us too!

Make that three!