So intimidated by parents of child's friend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to echo pp. We have a nice home and love to cook (and eat, and drink good wine) and so invite lots of people over for dinner parties. So many of the friends/acquaintances we invite don't reciprocate and I suspect it is because they are worried they can't pull of something similar. Please know that I don't care if you have us over for a cup of tea, or beer and pizza, we just want to get to know you better and would be flattered to be invited.

This is us too!

Us too! And, hey, OP, if your DC's friend's parents are comfortable in their own skin, they probably don't give a fig about what your house looks like, what kind of car you drive, what kind of job you have, what kind of clothes you wear or any of that other stuff. So, you shouldn't fret about it either.

[Anonymous]

So...you won't judge us because we live in an apartment?...we are good people with good (but low salaried) jobs. I would probably be nervous to invite you over if you have a very nice house. It is a nice apartment...but is small with not a lot of room to "entertain."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...you won't judge us because we live in an apartment?...we are good people with good (but low salaried) jobs. I would probably be nervous to invite you over if you have a very nice house. It is a nice apartment...but is small with not a lot of room to "entertain."

We have a big house, and no, I wouldn't judge you at all. Btw, four years go, we were living in a town house, and before that, we were in an apartment, too. And I was in smaller, crappy apartments before that one. It's not like I've never been in an apartment before.

I would just enjoy the company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...you won't judge us because we live in an apartment?...we are good people with good (but low salaried) jobs. I would probably be nervous to invite you over if you have a very nice house. It is a nice apartment...but is small with not a lot of room to "entertain."

Nope. The good people part is all we care about.

[Anonymous]

I learned long ago it is all relative. Our house would look huge to some, but not to most of my kids' friends from school.

As for the nice clothes thing, I actually have spent the last few years investing in my clothes after probably ten years or more of wearing the same frumpy work clothes and those clothes you buy when you just had a baby and nothing fits but you hope not to keep being that size. There are many days on which I get compliments on my clothes. But honestly? If it is a day I'm feeling tired and worn out, or fat, or both, I might look completely put together to you, but falling apart to me. I know so much of our social persona and getting ahead at work for women is about clothes. I would really love it, though, if someone could see past the clothes to me.

I would never judge you on clothes or your house or your car or your stroller. I think our babysitter looks more put together than me!

[Anonymous]

Unless you are Bill or Melinda Gates or homeless, it is a very reasonable guess that there are people who are more fortunate than you and people who are less fortunate than you. For myself personally, I find focusing on those with more than I have really hurts my ability to be my best person. I personally feel that we would all do better to focus more on those less fortunate than us and feel good about about what we have, however modest. It's not easy--t.v., advertising, everything seems to push us to notice who has a nicer car, nice shoes, nicer strollers... But when I find myself focusing on that stuff I picture the homeless services place next to the metro station that I walk past going and coming to work. I think about how grateful I am to have a loving hilarious wonderful and healthy son, a job with health care (!), a home that I own. Speaking just for myself, I find myself to be a warmer, funnier, and more interesting person, than being tongue-tied or depressed. So it's hard work, but I think it pays off in generally feeling better in my day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are Bill or Melinda Gates or homeless, it is a very reasonable guess that there are people who are more fortunate than you and people who are less fortunate than you. For myself personally, I find focusing on those with more than I have really hurts my ability to be my best person. I personally feel that we would all do better to focus more on those less fortunate than us and feel good about about what we have, however modest. It's not easy--t.v., advertising, everything seems to push us to notice who has a nicer car, nice shoes, nicer strollers... But when I find myself focusing on that stuff I picture the homeless services place next to the metro station that I walk past going and coming to work. I think about how grateful I am to have a loving hilarious wonderful and healthy son, a job with health care (!), a home that I own. Speaking just for myself, I find myself to be a warmer, funnier, and more interesting person, than being tongue-tied or depressed. So it's hard work, but I think it pays off in generally feeling better in my day.

Great post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh!!! They are so beautiful, wealthy and together! Beautiful interior designed house and so relaxed in their own skin and super nice. I dread pick ups from play dates, reciprocating dinner dates and hanging out because I feel so inadequate compared to them. I hate myself for feeling this way. They are humans, just like me.
I know I am going to get virtually slapped upside the head for this post and I knowvi deserve it.

Does anyone else feel this way? Am I the only pathetic one?

Yes, I do feel this way around some people.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the nicest threads I've seen on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

This is the OP. Thanks for all your non-judgemental responses. I reiterate that know I am being silly that i need to get a grip.
I am not so much intimidated by wealth in and of itself. We are surrounded by a plethora of wealthy people at my son's school, most of whom don't intimidate me, probably because they don't exhibit the effortless self assurance this couple does; that aura of having everything sussed. They are not trying to impress anyone, they are just impressive, period. They are the couple everyone at the school whispers about and wants to know. I almost want to ask my son why he did not  pick a friend from a normal family, especially as it looks like  theirs is a friendship that is going to last.
They are SUCH a nice couple though and they would likely be horrified that I feel this way. I hope I don't show my discomfiture when I am with them and I certainly do not judge them in any way as I don't find them in the least bit condescending. The problem is all mine.                  

[Anonymous]

OP + 20:56 - you have thing in perspective. I would like to know you. I do not think that thought often these days.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel the same way often, and while intellectually I know that what most of the posters have written is true, it can be hard to make oneself believe it. But, as a parent I will say that I appreciate any child who is kind to and friends with my child, so I bet your son and thus you give something intangible to this couple for which they are grateful.

[Anonymous]

Marriott family by chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriott family by chance?

hopefully OP has the good sense not to name her crush on DCUM. gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...you won't judge us because we live in an apartment?...we are good people with good (but low salaried) jobs. I would probably be nervous to invite you over if you have a very nice house. It is a nice apartment...but is small with not a lot of room to "entertain."

When is the last time you were invited to someone's home for food and drink? Most people don't bother to do this. So, when we are invited, I am always (always) thrilled to go, thrilled to be treated, happy to be wanted. The lavishness (or not) of the venue is the very last thing on my mind.

I can't imagine that most people feel differently.