Losing my mind... just a vent I guess..

[Anonymous]

OP, we're in a one bedroom apartment with 2 small children, DH works 14+ hours a day, and baby wakes me up 3-4 times during the night. We will move in 2 months.

People who have seen my incredibly messy apartment probably blame me for being (insert whatever you want here)!

But I CANNOT organize our stuff anymore, simply because there is nowhere to put it.

Every week, I dust, mop and vacuum the clutter. But the clutter stays.

DH wants me to hire a cleaning person because I am so tired all the time. But I don't want to, because she would have to deal with the clutter as well.

So I have worked on myself to stop feeling guilty about it, and rejoice in the knowledge that soon, we will have the space to acquire more storage furniture.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound like my friend who was diagnosed as an adult with ADD. Not sure if that's completely off the mark for you, but maybe it's something to look into. She was SO relieved when she realized there was a reason behind her chaos. Even if this doesn't apply to you, don't be so hard on yourself!

Hire someone for a one- or two-time consultation to help you declutter and to teach you ways to stay on top of the clutter. Hire cleaners to come in 2x/month to do the deep cleaning. Then break things down into manageable chunks to do daily (a load of laundry, the dishwasher) and weekly (declutter the bedroom, clear out the fridge). Keep to-do lists and give yourself the reward of crossing things off.

Your husband may not realize just how hard it is to be with a toddler all day long. My husband was just home for a five-day weekend, and by the end he was exhausted and very newly-appreciative of how hard it is!

[Anonymous]

I agree with the ADD comments...I have the same and once I got help specifically for it, I was able to get the house under control. I am not always perfect about it but am way, way, way better.

2 things that help - first get rid of stuff, lots of stuff, anything that is a duplicate, get rid of toys, books, housewares, etc. You do not need as many as you believe you do. Second, use a timer. Set it for X number of minutes and continue working on one task until the timer goes off, do not switch to another task, do not stop to sort or move something elex. I had to start out with 5 minutes!! Sad I know but really that's what it took.

[Anonymous]

OP here... I had thought about the ADD thing.. I don't know if that's it or not, but just out of curiousity.. what are the treatments for it? I know medication and therapy, but can anyone like the PP who's BTDT maybe tell me something a little more specific, like what therapists recommend and stuff like that?

I also have to say, that after posting this, I seriously have a whole new respect for DCUM.. There were a few slightly harsh answers.. I was cool with that, and expected a lot worse.. but I truly appreciate the kindness, and honest suggestions.. Thank you all for really not being judgemental..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you're right! I've never dealt with anything like this before..

OP, you can't be tiptoeing around at home and out all the time, your stress level must be really high. I'd try to find another rental (on the 1st floor) closer to his work so he can be home more. What does he do that he keeps those hours? I'd call the office tomorrow or stop by and say that you try to be very quiet but that you are a SAHM. I'd say that you want to know what happens if they keep complaining despite your doing your best.

[Anonymous]

Re the clutter: we have baskets all over our apartment: one on the floor by the door for shoes, another on the table by the door for mail, keys, and gloves, baskets for DD's books, large baskets for DD's toys. I let my 2 year old watch 30-45 minutes of TV a day and I try to make that my de-cluttering time, which means I just run around putting everything in the right baskets.

Re the noisy vacuum issue: what about a $20 swifter for the hard wood floors/kitchen/bathroom, and a (non-electric) carpet sweeper for the rugs if the rugs are low-pile. Or maybe see if the cordless stick vacuums (around $80 or so for many of them) are less noisy than your vacuum. I find that once the clutter is reasonably put away in the baskets, I am much more motivated to clean, and it is not that hard for me to spend a few minutes running a swifter over the floors to get the worst of the dust up.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have a sister or dear friend who could ask to come over and help kick-start a good cleaning?

About once a year my sister gets in rut of clutter and messiness and I come over, we put on the TV (like a marathon of "Real Housewives") and we clean together. Sometimes she just lays on the bed and I clean and throw out. Gets her over the hump and it actually ends up being a good time.

[Anonymous]

My sister isn't a SAHM but she and her husband have a similar problem. She is naturally a messy person and her husband is naturally an anally neat person. She has a full-time job and she is the primary caregiver - by like 80% - when their daughter is home. But he still expects her to maintain the house to *his* standards, and they clashed a lot early in their marriage. (to the point that i seriously suggested that they try to find a duplex so that he could live in one side and she in the other.) And he won't allow her to hire help.

Could you get a maid once and ask her to show you what she does and how? It might feel weird and creepy following her around, but if she knows why you're doing it (and you give her a good tip), it might work out. Then you could try to keep up with at least some of it on your own. Ask her how often things should be done, and put up a schedule for yourself that does NOT give you too much to do on any given day, and you should be able to manage it. I have a 3-level townhouse, a full-time job, a long commute and a toddler and I manage to have a clean-ish house most of the time, but I'm also a naturally neater person.

Gotta tell you, though, for the most part, if you can't keep an apartment neat, a house will be even harder. The only thing that will improve with a house is that you'll have more places to stash things so it might not get as cluttered. (or you'll accumulate more clutter. It could go either way.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister isn't a SAHM but she and her husband have a similar problem. She is naturally a messy person and her husband is naturally an anally neat person. She has a full-time job and she is the primary caregiver - by like 80% - when their daughter is home. But he still expects her to maintain the house to *his* standards, and they clashed a lot early in their marriage. (to the point that i seriously suggested that they try to find a duplex so that he could live in one side and she in the other.) And he won't allow her to hire help.

Could you get a maid once and ask her to show you what she does and how? It might feel weird and creepy following her around, but if she knows why you're doing it (and you give her a good tip), it might work out. Then you could try to keep up with at least some of it on your own. Ask her how often things should be done, and put up a schedule for yourself that does NOT give you too much to do on any given day, and you should be able to manage it. I have a 3-level townhouse, a full-time job, a long commute and a toddler and I manage to have a clean-ish house most of the time, but I'm also a naturally neater person.

Gotta tell you, though, for the most part, if you can't keep an apartment neat, a house will be even harder. The only thing that will improve with a house is that you'll have more places to stash things so it might not get as cluttered. (or you'll accumulate more clutter. It could go either way.)

OP here.. this is actually a good idea... I might see about trying this.. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to work harder. One 2.5 year old is not a lot to manage.

Definitely no more children till you get your act together.

You need to work harder on being a better person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to work harder. One 2.5 year old is not a lot to manage.

Definitely no more children till you get your act together.

You need to work harder on being a better person.

agreed... the one response that was really unnecessary..