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Losing my mind... just a vent I guess..
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Anonymous
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OP,
I think a lot of your stress is due to your living situation. I'd look into moving to a place where there is no one downstairs, otherwise the stress is high, I've lived it with my kids in apartments. Also, if you move you can declutter and hopefully have more storage. Is there any chance your DH can change his hours at some point in the future? Sounds like his sleeping is making you head out all the time, no wonder you don't have time to clean. And ironing the uniforms? Is that really necessary? Even if you put DD in preschool part time you still can't clean in your current living situation. If his hours don't change, if you were in a different setup it might be easier for him to sleep and not be disturbed. I think someone was asking if you could barter something - cooking, ironing, babysitting, for help with organizing and/or cleaning your house. I'd tell DH that you want to get to ground zero and that you will hire someone to come in on a weekend day to help clean and organize and that you will work with them. Cheaper than divorce. |
Anonymous
| sometimes i feel like you -esp when we go to friends' houses and they are spotless. then my husband reminds me that both of those parents work and have their kids in daycare all day, plus they have housekeepers and/or nannies. i'm like you, do everything myself and often things fall by the wayside so to speak. the most important thing is that you are an involved mom and i'm sorry but PLAYING with your daughter IS your job! good for you. being a SAHM is hard work, i dare anyone who doesn't do it to do it for a week and see how tired/worn down he/she feels. i think you are doing a great job - only advice is to try and get rid of some stuff. we all have much more than we need......when you look at your DC like we do and see how very happy they are, how much they laugh, and how well they listen when we need them to, how kind they are to other kids, remember that THAT is why your house isn't perfect, cause you're busy focusing on what's important right now. |
Anonymous
| OP: Take one corner of a room and clean. Have two or three bags or copier paper boxes and label them: Keep, throw out/give away/not sure. If you haven't used or toy DC no longer plays with it goes in Give Away box, papers, recipes (I once figured that if I did nothing but cook for these rest of my life, I would still not have enough time to test all the recipes I cut out), go in Throw Away box. After you finish tackle another corner. Don't be sentimental get rid of everything you haven't used in the past year. Another thing to do is everytime you buy something new, something old has to go. It took me a long time because I am not by nature a neat freak but this does work. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| Don't answer the phone for your neighbor's complaints. If they choose a lower floor, they don't get to control what happens above them, provided you are not excessively noisy. If they knock on your door, call building management, and don't answer. You have the right to walk around and play in your own home... |
Anonymous
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I would actually suggest NOT buying a house right now. The bigger the space, the more to clean. And amazingly enough - stuff just seems to accumulate to fill the empty spaces. I've never liked cleaning, but cleaning an apartment is so much easier than keeping on top of a house (that will also need you to fix things, take care of the yard and do weekly, monthly and yearly maintenance stuff).
I find the easiest way to stay on top of things it to stick to a schedule. I don't always do this, but I find my house to be cleaner with what seems like less effort if I do. For example, the kitchen gets a good scrubbing on a certain day of the week after breakfast. Tuesdays are for vacuuming. Wednesday is for cleaning the bathroom. Thursdays are for dusting. |
Anonymous
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You need to talk to your husband about how much noise he can realistically tolerate, if he'd like to help you in being able to clean the house. Ask if he'd be willing to wear ear plugs and/or sleep with a white noise machine on. Test out with him a week of vaccuuming while he's sleeping and ask him if the noise bothered you. Given the fact he'd like a cleaner house, I assume he'd be supportive of trying to meet you part way to help you find time to do this.
Second, talk to your upstairs neighbor. Explain there is a certain amount of noise you have to be able to make: vaccuuming the house and letting daughter play by herself. Ask them what time is most convenient for them. IF none of it is, tough. Pick based on your daughter's schedule. But most people are more practical and sympathetic than that. They might well say, it would work really well if you did your "noisy" hour at 10:00 am, when we give our kids "morning recess" or whatever. |
Anonymous
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OP, I just want to give you some sympathy. I WOHM and only have one, but I think the early years are tough, tough, tough, no matter who you are. I guess there are some easy toddlers, but for the most part, it's challenging.
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Anonymous
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OP, Agree with all the good advice you've gotten and heartily endorse the Flylady's approach. One of her mantras is that you can't organize clutter. Take that to heart.
I'd also look into getting a mother's helper. Look for a 12 or 13 old that you can pay 5 or 6 bucks an hour to come play with your daughter for a couple of hours a week. It's money well spent. You'll also build a good pool of babysitters who will be ready to work in a couple of years. |
Anonymous
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I appreciate all of your advice so far (OP here obviously..) I have been poking around the flylady website a little bit, and will definitely use it..
So... to add to the craziness a little bit.. we just got a call from the rental office.. my neighbors downstairs called them to complain about noise... seriously.. after I have been trying SO hard to basically eliminate it.. |
Anonymous
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OP, I can't help with the noise issue.
But with the cleaning -- I really think you should get a household cleaner to help you every other week, or even every week if you can afford it. I don't know why your husband gets to say he doesn't want a stranger coming into the house. He's not home all day. You are. You are a grown woman and you can hire a stranger in if you want. After she comes by a few times she won't be a stranger anymore right? Does your husband also object to having a plumber come over? Delivery guys? Nonsense. Just look around town and get some recommendations for a cleaner who is known in the community. INFORM your husband that this is what you are doing. If need be, consult a doctor to see if you have ADHD or depression or something and then after being diagnosed, INFORM your husband that the doctor or psychologist recommendds you get a cleaner to help give you some structure! |
Anonymous
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How long is your husband's work situation going to be like this? is this schedule moving him forward in a career that he really wants/is really lucrative?
I think you need to face the fact that this is not a long-term tenable situation. If it's for a year or two, you can suck it up, but this is clearly not the best situation for you and that's not your fault. To be gone that long every day is so difficult -- is it balanced by longer time at home (like a fireman's schedule)? |
Anonymous
What kind of noise are you making, that they are complaining about?? If it is just normal, everyday noise (running the vacuum, children playing) during normal waking hours, I can't see that they have a leg to stand on. Is the rental office taking them seriously?? |
Anonymous
That's all that we're doing, I can't possibly think of anything else that they'd be upset about.. I am really not sure as to whether they are taking them seriously or not.. they called the phone call today a "courtesy call".. I wanted to just scream that they're LYING (they told the office apparently that we're really noisy at night, and I can tell you that's simply not true.) So for now I guess I'm just not going to worry too much about it until/unless I hear from them again. |
Anonymous
| OK, then probably the office realizes there's nothing you are doing that's wrong, but they told the family, "We'll give them a call" and they are hoping that takes care of their end of the matter. |
Anonymous
| I hope you're right! I've never dealt with anything like this before.. |