"Good" age (kids) for divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"That's what we do, it's worked. Your H may want perfect 50-50, many fathers do, you can make that work, too"

How do you do a "perfect" 50/50 split, assuming school aged children?

My ex and I live in the same school district, and our son changes houses Sunday morning. We're civil and things are flexible. We take turns on big holidays (we live kind of far from both our families), and we each have the option of two straight weeks in summer.

So far, so good.

[Anonymous]

M<y parents divorced when I was a teenager. I saw the train wreck coming 10 years earlier. Don't wait.
My BF parents divorced when he was 11 and her sis was 7. Mom moved into a home in the same neighborhood, so going to school and transitioning between the homes was somewhat seamless. They spent 2 weeks with each parent. Personally, I think 3/4 would be harder on the kids, never having a set routine that lasts more than a couple days.

[Anonymous]

Regardless of age of child/ren:

What is social support like for primary caregiver? This factor matters a lot because when parenting suffers, children suffer. If you can divorce and have enough support/resources to still be the best parent you can be, then that matters a lot for kids.

What are financial resources like? Will your children be able to live in family and child-friendly neighborhood, whether it is the same as current or a new one that then stays stable?

Multiple moves, instability, lack of kid-friendly community, and stressed-out miserable caregiver are harmful for kids. The opposite is good for them and can balance out the adjustments that need to be made in context of divorce.

I also agree with the poster who said that there are so many individual factors to consider in a given family!

Here is a resource for parenting plans: http://www.afccnet.org/resources/resources_parents.asp

[Anonymous]

Many parents co-parent.
Divorce has been awful for me financially.

[Anonymous]

Never. But sooner the better. Kids that group in a house where the parents are not interested in being with each other will focus on the negatives about marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are unhappy, don't wait because of the children. Unhappy parents are not good for kids. And, in general, younger kids are more adaptable: they quickly accept change as "the new normal."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never. But sooner the better. Kids that group in a house where the parents are not interested in being with each other will focus on the negatives about marriage.

Sorry group = grow up. ...
For clarification if you two are unhappy together you will have unhappy kids.

[Anonymous]

22

[Anonymous]

22

[Anonymous]

ASAP. They can sense when things are bad

[Anonymous]

ASAP. They can sense when things are bad

Agree w/ ASAP if there is abuse going on. If the adults just don't get along though then it's not better for the kids to be shuttling back & forth and have their world break up. Adults like to justify that it's better for the kids if there's less tension, but I don't think that's true - I think the divorce takes a lot of the tension of the adults and puts it onto the backs of the kids.

[Anonymous]

"M<y parents divorced when I was a teenager. I saw the train wreck coming 10 years earlier. Don't wait. "

My whole life would have been sooo different if my parents had split up when I was a baby. PLEASE don't wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ASAP. They can sense when things are bad

Agree w/ ASAP if there is abuse going on. If the adults just don't get along though then it's not better for the kids to be shuttling back & forth and have their world break up. Adults like to justify that it's better for the kids if there's less tension, but I don't think that's true - I think the divorce takes a lot of the tension of the adults and puts it onto the backs of the kids.

Kids can sense when their parents have a sexless marriage. Ugh.