Very upset with friend and she just sent me an invitation...

[Anonymous]

That was time not tome

[Anonymous]

Here's the bottom line, at best she's a selfish friend who's been sucked into her own life and problems to the point where she hasn't even participated even superficially in the most imporant events in your life like having a child. I've been a grad student in an intense program, I went through years of infertility, etc.--and at no time would I have ignored you to the point where she has. Now that she has something to celebrate she wants you there (maybe she's neglected everybody and now she has to scrounge up people to invite to a celebration). Regardless, it's time to let go. When I was younger or before kids I made more excuses for people but now I don't. Really, life is too short for bad friends. I don't think you need to burn a bridge or be mean but don't go out of your way and don't set yourself up for disappointment. I'd let her know you need to work that day and send her a nice card. If truly grad school kept her too busy to care about you, now that she's out she'll change her ways and you'll see more of her. Or not, and you can't let it hurt you. GL!

[Anonymous]

PLEASE READ THE OPs SUBSEQUENT RESPONSES.

The "friend" is graduating from a community college, with an associates that took her 3 years. The "friend" is not busy, the "friend" is immature.

Who has a graduation party for an associates and on top of that invites someone via text message? This is not a friend, all she deserves is a text back, "sorry, can't make it, have fun!".

[Anonymous]

OP, it's probably going to bother you if you let it drift. why not talk to her directly about things? if it blows up, it blows up, but that's what's happening anyway... only slowly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE READ THE OPs SUBSEQUENT RESPONSES.

The "friend" is graduating from a community college, with an associates that took her 3 years. The "friend" is not busy, the "friend" is immature.

Who has a graduation party for an associates and on top of that invites someone via text message? This is not a friend, all she deserves is a text back, "sorry, can't make it, have fun!".

Ugh, 100% agree. This person isn't worth the effort, OP. Sounds like she's the type that doesn't really give much of a damn about anything (3 years to finish an associate's? It took me 1.5 years to finish my grad degree, and I worked full-time and still remembered to go to parties/send gifts...and I started grad school when I was 24).

No excuses, this is a just a crappy friend.

[Anonymous]

Update here.

I emailed her saying I was not going to be able to attend and asked her if I could come to her downtown area on X or Y days to celebrate. She said not to worry about it "it's going to snow this week anyway so let's catch up another time" she said.

I'll just let it go and let her take the next move.

[Anonymous]

I agree that this friend seems flaky, but I'm sort of baffled by all the pooh-poohing of community college.

[Anonymous]

it was nice of you to email her but you could have just responded via text saying sorry can't make it, congrats.

lots of those intense friendships from college/grad school tend to start falling to the wayside as you near 30. It just happens.

[Anonymous]

First, OP, I'm totally w/ you re stressing, blaming yourself, giving 99% and wondering why you get back 1% ... you deserve a great friend. She's not one. Just let her go.
Second:

Signed, a 40-something who definitely doesn't waste time on "friends" like this anymore, and enjoys the real friends who are there for the big things

I need you in my life.

[Anonymous]

Do not be a sucker and send her a gift. Send a text simply saying "Congratulations! Sorry, but I can't make your party" and then mail her just a card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, OP, I'm totally w/ you re stressing, blaming yourself, giving 99% and wondering why you get back 1% ... you deserve a great friend. She's not one. Just let her go.
Second:

Signed, a 40-something who definitely doesn't waste time on "friends" like this anymore, and enjoys the real friends who are there for the big things

I need you in my life.

Let's get a good bottle of wine, sit on a porch in some warm place, and chat and get silly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe there is something wrong with me, but I barely give it two thoughts when ending a friendship where the "friend" is selfish. If someone cannot reciprocate with common decency, I just cut them off. There has only been one deep friendship that ended and I'm still hurt to this day...It was a gay male friend of mine who got so jealous of my boyfriend (now DH) that he said he could no longer be my friend, it really hurt and I spent a year shamelessly chasing him around and actually begged.

Anyways, in this situation, I can honestly say I respond to the text message "Sorry, I'm busy that day, congrats!" and I'd never reach out to her again.

Are you really young?

Old enough to have confidence and self-respect that I don't need to be someone's door mat. This comes in time. The older you get the less time and patience you have for sel centered "friends".