How do you handle the "when are you having the next kid" question?

[Anonymous]

PP said it-- people want to get to know you better, so they up the ante on personal questions. If someone came at me with another PP's suggested "Weather is generally an acceptable topic, how were your holidays, how bout those Redskins, have you seen the latest American Idol..." my eyes would glaze over and I would assume that person wasn't very bright.

Does this really need its own thread? Do you need advice on how to respond to the question? Or would you have been just as well served by a post on the "random shit that pisses me off" thread?

The "Why can't I make friends" threads and the "people keep asking me personal questions" threads should be mutually exclusive. You have to open up a little bit to have a satisfying social life. You just do. So if you're one of the people who feels lonely and misunderstood, stop looking for offense where none is intended.

And if you DO want an answer instead of a vent... I've said "you'll be the first to know". I have also answered, with a flirty smile, "are you propositioning me??"

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the previous posts, but here's my two cents:

I got that question all the time between pregnancies, and I found it to be incredibly rude and invasive. Yes, I'm sure everyone was just being friendly and making conversation, but I find it to be a very private topic -- not something I want to discuss with every mom I meet at the playground or every grandmother behind me on line at Giant.

That said, I was always very low key in my response. I had good results with things like, "We'll see. She's keeping us pretty busy right now." Or for family/friends who asked, I would just say, "We'll see. We figure we'll know when the time is right."

I never shared any personal information about whether we were trying or what our "ideal" spacing would be etc., although people asked both those things quite directly.

I also never once said what I REALLY wanted to say -- "Umm. I'll tell you about my sex life if you tell me about yours first." It would have amused me to no end (I'm kind of a smart ass underneath my polite exterior) but I never quite managed to say it out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP said it-- people want to get to know you better, so they up the ante on personal questions. If someone came at me with another PP's suggested "Weather is generally an acceptable topic, how were your holidays, how bout those Redskins, have you seen the latest American Idol..." my eyes would glaze over and I would assume that person wasn't very bright.

Does this really need its own thread? Do you need advice on how to respond to the question? Or would you have been just as well served by a post on the "random shit that pisses me off" thread?

The "Why can't I make friends" threads and the "people keep asking me personal questions" threads should be mutually exclusive. You have to open up a little bit to have a satisfying social life. You just do. So if you're one of the people who feels lonely and misunderstood, stop looking for offense where none is intended.

And if you DO want an answer instead of a vent... I've said "you'll be the first to know". I have also answered, with a flirty smile, "are you propositioning me??"

As someone who's been there and is not usually very sensitive or easily offended, I totally understand why this is its own thread.

Especially when there are possible fertility issues involved, this can be a uniquely painful situation for some of us.

[Anonymous]

When are you going to settle down and get married?
When are you having a baby?
When are you having another baby?

I agree with a pp these questions all border on rude and invasive.

[Anonymous]

I think the problem is that secondary infertility is just not on everyone's radar.

Many people aren't trying to be rude and invasive. If a stranger or casual friend asks and you don't deliberately think they are being mean or trying to hurt you, I personally would say, "We would love another one." And leave it that. Most people will get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the problem is that secondary infertility is just not on everyone's radar.

Many people aren't trying to be rude and invasive. If a stranger or casual friend asks and you don't deliberately think they are being mean or trying to hurt you, I personally would say, "We would love another one." And leave it that. Most people will get it.

I think this is probably the best response yet. Short and to the point. You MIGHT get a follow up, but I think this conveys everything you are going through in a very heartfelt statement.