Long: Redshirting August birthday girl?

[Anonymous]

PP here. I just reread your post where you say your daughter has two older siblings that she tries to keep up with and that she's reading chapter books. Personally, if I'm you, I'm sending her to the next grade in the fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I KNOW that most of PK "academics" is really just about developing social skills

What do the teachers say? I'd think about talking to the teachers at her old school and getting their input. Sounds like she is not developing social skills since the peer group is not a good fit, for whatever reason. Have you talked with the current teachers about your concerns?

The school cut offs are fairly arbitrary. I wouldn't be so focused on academics at this age, I'd worry about school being her life/work/shaper of her personality for the next 13 years. If she seems uncharacteristically inhibited and quiet with this group of peers, well, that doesn't seem good.

Privates can be tough in that the classes are not that big and a few "big" personalities can dominate and skew the class older or younger (esp if there are older sibs). The fact that she has older sibs and still seemed "young" to me suggests that she could thrive with a slightly younger peer group. Not sure how to make that happen OP, but I'd explore options. You want her to feel like she fits in not that she needs to hide that she doesn't. Doing well in school is great, but academics shouldn't be a refuge from not having friends. If she has one on one playdates this year, how do they go? How is it when she plays with friends from her old school? Being admitted is not the same thing as being in a situation that is a good fit.

Leaving her where she was and having everyone else move on wouldn't have been so great either, a friend did that and her kid ended up in therapy. If she is always trying to keep up with the twins maybe a school environment that is all her own might be better in that regard as well? I'd work with a consultant but also go on tours and try to find an environment that seems like a good fit, but it varies so much by the kids that are in the class itself.

My DC attends a DCPS and in K the kids are still very into Disney princesses, the alpha girls are the oldest in their families and have "younger' interests. We lucked out, but it's so hard to engineer it. Will there be a lot of mixing and new kids for K? If not, I'd really think about looking at other school options.

[Anonymous]

Bump. Would love to hear some new perspectives? My daughter is in the same situation with a late August birthday.

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread.

We are going through this with a July birthday. DD has always been the youngest in her class. (The cutoff here is July 31, and most people redshirt summer birthdays.) She is also very small for her age and has babyish interests compared to the other girls in her class. Academically, she is reading second grade level chapter books and does well with math. She is very mature and well-behaved. She is a follower.

We have tentatively decided to send her to kindergarten. Everyone who has evaluated her has said to. But, we do worry about social hierarchies. So, we have chosen a progressive school that is less focused on academics (although they offer differentiation--so also good for advanced DD) and more about teaching the whole child. At our meetings they understood right away what our DD needed.

[Anonymous]

We gave an extra year to our august birthday girl and it was the best decision we ever made. We were all for moving her forward as she was emotionally and socially ready, but giving her the extra year really boosted her confidence and now she is truly a leader, as that wasn't the case a year ago.

[Anonymous]

This is a good thread, and one of the kinder ones regarding red shirting. Thank you to the PP who posted an article. If anyone else has additional current research, please post (particularly differences in boys and girls as well as negative experiences of red shirting).

We have a DS with a September birthday (K cut-off is Sept 30th). He is the youngest of 3 siblings. Academically, smart (but not reading). Physically, small (like 5th percentile for height and weight). Strong personality, more of a leader than a follower but also follows. Some maturity concerns, as well as impulsive with some classroom activities (not sure if he wants to finish first, he his disinterested, or has difficulty with the verbal instructions). Pre-K teacher repeatedly states "he's so young" and "he's just young". He is the youngest in his pre-K class by 4 months.

He will either attend pre-K again next year or private K (religious). He was screened for readiness for K, and he was accepted. We have deposits in pre-K and K. He will be 4 when the school year starts. Like other PP, he is already aware that his classmates will be going to K, but we have no problem telling him you have to be 5 for K and he isn't 5. That gets us "off the hook" so to speak when we have to explain it in the future. We know he will be fine next year if he does go to K -- the concern is about how he will be as a pre-teen and teenager.

Your thoughts and comments are appreciated.

[Anonymous]

We put our 2 of kids in Waldorf, which effectively holds all kids back a year (and was a horrible decision).

By the time they are in HS, being the oldest one in a class is really a pain. You look terribly out of place and are bored stuff.

My 2 cents. ymmv

[Anonymous]

PP here:

Is K the new 1st grade? I ask that with sincerity, not snark. My DC will be 4 when school starts, so if K is the new 1st grade -- is he expected to be doing things that were previously in curriculums for 6 year olds?

[Anonymous]

The link to research that the OP posted was published in 2003. Is anyone aware of anything more current?

[Anonymous]

to the poster with the boy, i would have consider holding back. we did not and while he is okay, in 8th grade, the social differences between 13 year olds and 15 year olds is enormous.

[Anonymous]

We redshirted our August DD. It was a touch choice - thought we'd made the wrong one for many years because she was such an early reader/writer. She wasn't as challenged academically as she could've been otherwise. Would not have considered it if she wasn't so close to the cut-off. As a younger sibling, we thought letting her be on the older end at school would be a good thing. Also decided to do it after my educator Aunt (who didn't redshirt my August girl cousin) told me she would've paid 10xs the extra year of private school tuition not to have had to drop my cousin off at college at 17. She wanted her home one more year.

DD has yet to ever be the oldest in her class. Teachers remark on her maturity and leadership in class - no way to know if this would've been the case if we hadn't red-shirted. Now that she's older I know that it was the right choice for her - homework isn't too easy anymore and I know from older sib what lies ahead! She has a bit more distance between her older sibling in school. She's still known as X's little sister but has more independence and isn't under older sib's shadow as much as if we hadn't redshirted.

There is no way to know which path is best. Each situation is different and you will likely second-guess whichever choice you make! The difficulty is trying to make a decision for the child your DD will become based on the child you know right now. Our decision was made based on the fact that she was so close to the cut-off, birth order, and family make-up rather than readiness and abilities. Teachers recommeded sending her "on time" and so did our parents. We have a close cousin and friends with DDs who have birth dates very close to our DDs who did not red-shirt and constantly questioned our decision at the time. One is now considering moving schools to redshirt (tough at the age their DD is now). The other is doing just fine and is in advanced classes.

Good luck with your choice!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you should not hold her back. The social things will even out -- if she is academically bored, that can turn into a larger problem.
We did not redshirt my summer bday DS and it turned out to be the right decision. Many boys in his class are older than him, and are bigger. But I like that he rises to the occasion when it comes to sports -- they make him play "up" -- if you know what I mean.
He is the best reader in his class, by far, and ahead in math too. I am SO glad we did not hold him back. He would be bored.