Anorexic at the gym

[Anonymous]

I am the OP. Again, I want to reiterate that I am POSITIVE that she is anorexic - if you saw her, you would agree with me.

Anyway, I am particularly appreciative of the comments from the woman who said something at Christmas to her cousin in law, and to the psychotherapist ED mom. You both seem very knowledgable and I value your input. What you both said really rings true for me, esp. the part about people in our culture sometimes minding their business too much, even when someone is clearly in pain right before your eyes, and that people treat an anorexic as if she has an infectious disease, which reinforces her negative image of herself.

I have noticed that when I say hi or speak to this woman at the gym, she is incredibly friendly, and seems very eager to strike up a conversation. Based on what the ED psych mom said, it makes sense to me that it is possible she is starving not only herself, but she is perhaps starving for a connection to others and affection/caring from others. I know this is presumptuous of me as I do not know her, but it is simply my impression from our few encounters. I admit that when I look at her, I feel immediately repulsed by her death-bed like appearance and my gut instinct is to just ignore her and say nothing. But I think this reaction is wrong b/c I believe this woman is really suffering. Thank you so much for the helpful comments. I have decided to simply start being friends with her, talkign to her more in the gym, and making an effort to get to know her (and vice versa). If our friendship becomes closer, eventually I will let her know I care about her and see what happens (slowly) after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Again, I want to reiterate that I am POSITIVE that she is anorexic - if you saw her, you would agree with me.

Anyway, I am particularly appreciative of the comments from the woman who said something at Christmas to her cousin in law, and to the psychotherapist ED mom. You both seem very knowledgable and I value your input. What you both said really rings true for me, esp. the part about people in our culture sometimes minding their business too much, even when someone is clearly in pain right before your eyes, and that people treat an anorexic as if she has an infectious disease, which reinforces her negative image of herself.

I have noticed that when I say hi or speak to this woman at the gym, she is incredibly friendly, and seems very eager to strike up a conversation. Based on what the ED psych mom said, it makes sense to me that it is possible she is starving not only herself, but she is perhaps starving for a connection to others and affection/caring from others. I know this is presumptuous of me as I do not know her, but it is simply my impression from our few encounters. I admit that when I look at her, I feel immediately repulsed by her death-bed like appearance and my gut instinct is to just ignore her and say nothing. But I think this reaction is wrong b/c I believe this woman is really suffering. Thank you so much for the helpful comments. I have decided to simply start being friends with her, talkign to her more in the gym, and making an effort to get to know her (and vice versa). If our friendship becomes closer, eventually I will let her know I care about her and see what happens (slowly) after that.

Again, I am very glad that there are people like you who care enough to even think about things like this. However, all you are really positive about is that she is very, very skinny. Anorexia is an eating disorder that has very specific origins related to body image, trauma, etc. Yes, it is likely from what you describe that she is ill. But you cannot determine if that illness is anorexia, or cancer, or something else that would cause this condition. But I think friendship is always a good thing and will most likely be of benefit to you both.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP. I understand what you are all saying -- that I don't really know for sure if she is anorexic, and that her appearance could be caused by other problems. Can we just assume for the sake of this discussion that she is.

[Anonymous]

People who are sick with other illnesses don't further stress their bodies by doing heavy workouts 5, 6, or 7 days a week. When you see someone *that* thin, who is working out in an obsessive way, I think it's fine to assume they have an eating disorder. It's not THAT difficult to recognize.

OP, I've seen what I believe to be anorexic women at the gym before, and I commend you for trying to do something about it. I never was able to get past the visual repulsion of these woman, so I never even said hello. Just sat and watched for the year I belonged to the gym, and wished I was a better person and somehow able to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are sick with other illnesses don't further stress their bodies by doing heavy workouts 5, 6, or 7 days a week. When you see someone *that* thin, who is working out in an obsessive way, I think it's fine to assume they have an eating disorder. It's not THAT difficult to recognize.

OP, I've seen what I believe to be anorexic women at the gym before, and I commend you for trying to do something about it. I never was able to get past the visual repulsion of these woman, so I never even said hello. Just sat and watched for the year I belonged to the gym, and wished I was a better person and somehow able to help.

Sorry - I'm the PP and must have glossed over the part about heavy workouts 5, 6 or 7 days a week. In that case you are most likely right. But otherwise, light to moderate exercise is often recommended as it helps to make you stronger in the case of other illnesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Again, I want to reiterate that I am POSITIVE that she is anorexic - if you saw her, you would agree with me.

Anyway, I am particularly appreciative of the comments from the woman who said something at Christmas to her cousin in law, and to the psychotherapist ED mom. You both seem very knowledgable and I value your input. What you both said really rings true for me, esp. the part about people in our culture sometimes minding their business too much, even when someone is clearly in pain right before your eyes, and that people treat an anorexic as if she has an infectious disease, which reinforces her negative image of herself.

I have noticed that when I say hi or speak to this woman at the gym, she is incredibly friendly, and seems very eager to strike up a conversation. Based on what the ED psych mom said, it makes sense to me that it is possible she is starving not only herself, but she is perhaps starving for a connection to others and affection/caring from others. I know this is presumptuous of me as I do not know her, but it is simply my impression from our few encounters. I admit that when I look at her, I feel immediately repulsed by her death-bed like appearance and my gut instinct is to just ignore her and say nothing. But I think this reaction is wrong b/c I believe this woman is really suffering. Thank you so much for the helpful comments. I have decided to simply start being friends with her, talkign to her more in the gym, and making an effort to get to know her (and vice versa). If our friendship becomes closer, eventually I will let her know I care about her and see what happens (slowly) after that.

I'm the Christmas poster. Forget these MYOB people and these-"what if she has AIDS or cancer people". I know an anaroxic when I see it and it is a very good point, someone with AIDS and Cancer do not run 10miles on a tread mill at full speed and then go on to do 1,000 sit ups. I'm glad you care enough to consider confronting her. Its so sad that we all live on our own islands...at least you still listen to your heart and care about people outside of your close friends and family.

There are been quite a few recent threads about lonliness and difficulties making connections on DCUM's, it's no wonder. No one cares enough to reach out.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I am the OP and she does work out very strenuously several times per week. I see her almost every time I go. I think she may work out twice a day. I have not confirmed this, but it is my suspicion b/c I used to work out in the evenings, and would see her there around 5:30pm. I recently switched my work out time to the mornings around 6am, and I see her there in the mornings now too. It would be very unlikely that someone who is "sick" in some way (ie, cancer etc.) could do this. I am amazed at how she can do it herself, given her skeletal frame. So, as I said before, I really am sure that she is anorexic and I feel bad that I have had many many opportunties to befriend her, but I have not done so out of ignorance, fear, repulsion, and the whole MYOB mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP. Again, I want to reiterate that I am POSITIVE that she is anorexic - if you saw her, you would agree with me.

Anyway, I am particularly appreciative of the comments from the woman who said something at Christmas to her cousin in law, and to the psychotherapist ED mom. You both seem very knowledgable and I value your input. What you both said really rings true for me, esp. the part about people in our culture sometimes minding their business too much, even when someone is clearly in pain right before your eyes, and that people treat an anorexic as if she has an infectious disease, which reinforces her negative image of herself.

I have noticed that when I say hi or speak to this woman at the gym, she is incredibly friendly, and seems very eager to strike up a conversation. Based on what the ED psych mom said, it makes sense to me that it is possible she is starving not only herself, but she is perhaps starving for a connection to others and affection/caring from others. I know this is presumptuous of me as I do not know her, but it is simply my impression from our few encounters. I admit that when I look at her, I feel immediately repulsed by her death-bed like appearance and my gut instinct is to just ignore her and say nothing. But I think this reaction is wrong b/c I believe this woman is really suffering. Thank you so much for the helpful comments. I have decided to simply start being friends with her, talkign to her more in the gym, and making an effort to get to know her (and vice versa). If our friendship becomes closer, eventually I will let her know I care about her and see what happens (slowly) after that.

I'm the Christmas poster. Forget these MYOB people and these-"what if she has AIDS or cancer people". I know an anaroxic when I see it and it is a very good point, someone with AIDS and Cancer do not run 10miles on a tread mill at full speed and then go on to do 1,000 sit ups. I'm glad you care enough to consider confronting her. Its so sad that we all live on our own islands...at least you still listen to your heart and care about people outside of your close friends and family.

There are been quite a few recent threads about lonliness and difficulties making connections on DCUM's, it's no wonder. No one cares enough to reach out.

I think lots of people care enough to reach out! Don't be so negative. I think there are, however, people who have tried to reach out before and been blasted. Or don't know where to draw the line on reaching out - i.e., do I approach someone I see chain smoking, or with cuts on her arm that could be self-inflicted, or with bruises that could be from a husband, or drinking to excess, or eating sushi while pregnant, or very overweight or very underweight, or with patches of baldness that could be from OCD...and on and on. My point being that there are lots and lots of physical/behavioral things we may witness in others - or exhibit ourselves - that may or may not require an intervention from a virtual stranger. I'm not at all saying MYOB (Lord knows I have been accused of being all up in other people's business!) but just wanted to throw my thoughts out there that it's not always so straightforward. If it's a family member or close friend - of course I would say something. But a stranger at the gym (or anywhere else)...not so sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are sick with other illnesses don't further stress their bodies by doing heavy workouts 5, 6, or 7 days a week. When you see someone *that* thin, who is working out in an obsessive way, I think it's fine to assume they have an eating disorder. It's not THAT difficult to recognize.

OP, I've seen what I believe to be anorexic women at the gym before, and I commend you for trying to do something about it. I never was able to get past the visual repulsion of these woman, so I never even said hello. Just sat and watched for the year I belonged to the gym, and wished I was a better person and somehow able to help.

Some people with chronic illness say that exercise helps them feel better.
That said, I knew someone in college who was anorexic and her life was saved by a concerned student who was very caring and approached her in a gentle way. It was done with tact. The victim got help and made great improvements.
BTW, not all anorexia starts with body image issues. It is a more complex illness than that.

[Anonymous]

OP, thanks for caring! Ignore the MYOB posters, several of which seem to have body image issues themselves!

[Anonymous]

Hey, don't do anything please! Your post reminded me of someone...
We had a customer that came to our restaurant regularly like 2X per week, she was SO skinny and she was always in her workout clothing...she ordered enough food for 2 people and it was fried chicken wings and noodles. She ate everything on her plate. We saw her at least a year and then she didn't come anymore...a few months past by and one of her friend came and told us she had passed away from CANCER. The friend said she really enjoyed coming to our place for the food and the people. We never told her she was too thin or made her felt bad...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, don't do anything please! Your post reminded me of someone...
We had a customer that came to our restaurant regularly like 2X per week, she was SO skinny and she was always in her workout clothing...she ordered enough food for 2 people and it was fried chicken wings and noodles. She ate everything on her plate. We saw her at least a year and then she didn't come anymore...a few months past by and one of her friend came and told us she had passed away from CANCER. The friend said she really enjoyed coming to our place for the food and the people. We never told her she was too thin or made her felt bad...

someone dying of cancer could NOT be doing those vigorous nearly-daily workouts. Take it from me; I've had to go through chemo.

[Anonymous]

pp, there are some illnesses that you can work out with. That said, I think OP should try to get involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pp, there are some illnesses that you can work out with. That said, I think OP should try to get involved.

Not cancer. Not when you've lost that amount of weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:pp, there are some illnesses that you can work out with. That said, I think OP should try to get involved.

Not cancer. Not when you've lost that amount of weight.

Scleroderma can do it, they can look like anorexics.