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Anorexic at the gym
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Anonymous
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I am sure you have all seen this before. You hit the gym say 4 or 5x per week (on a good week) and you see the same severely anorexic woman working out there.
This is happening in my building. I am friendly with this woman, have spoken to her at length once for about 20 minutes (while we were walking next to each other on the treadmill) and have seen her in passing in my building and said hello several times. Based on our conversation, she is single with family in another city. I'd guess she is in her 20's or early 30's. That's it -- no other contact or info. Is there any appropriate way to help her? Would you mind your own business? I understand that it is definitely not my business but for some reason, I feel like I should do something. Would you befriend her and eventually raise the subject? Or befriend her, but never saying anything about what is probably one of, if not the, most important aspect of her life and well-being? I know I will likely get flamed for this post, but I am simply asking for advice, maybe from some people who are knowledgeable on this subject. Is there any way to help or do I just stay out of it? |
Anonymous
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well...I can understand your concern..and wanting to help..i think thats good of you.
but, what can you really help with? You know? I would venture to say that she knows she's an annie...right? Plus, I look at it this way...its not like you're that close with her just yet..and saying something right now might just offend her..maybe get to know her a little better and see if she brings it up? then offer help. |
Anonymous
| Wondering why you think you are capable of diagnosing anorexia based on seeing someone at the gym. You have no idea what is wrong with this woman, if anything. Mind your own business. |
Anonymous
| Like 20:20, how you know she's anorexic? |
Anonymous
OMG, that is so mean and rude. 
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Anonymous
20:20 here. You think that is mean and rude? How about walking up to someone you don't know, who happens to be very thin and offering to "help" them with their struggle with anorexia? That is presumptuous, mean and rude. I have always been thin and I exercise regularly (except now since I am 37 weeks pregnant). Guess what, I also eat regularly, and usually healthy meals at that. I am very fit and a totally healthy weight for my height. I've had total strangers come up to me and tell me "you're too skinny" or "you should put some weight on" Jerks. They don't know me or anything about me and 9 times out of 10 I am thinking they could spare a few pounds themselves. If I had posted that I saw this obese person at my gym who came in only once a week to walk slowly on the treadmill for 10 minutes and then leave and I thought I should offer them some friendly advice on getting healthier (e.g. "thought about working out more often and harder and maybe not stuffing your face?") I think the bulk of replies would be a resounding MYOB. I would hear all about all the possible causes of this person's obesity that are outside of her control and get scolded for not being sufficiently sensitive. The only difference here is that the OP (who I presume has not been spying on this woman to see if she eats) has decided to diagnose a thin stranger with anorexia. The reply, however, should be the same: MYOB. |
Anonymous
| If you are right or wrong- no matter what- you will offend her. My SIL is annie (exercise fanatic that eats lettuce and then goes running to get it off)- she is divorced and insecure and wants to look good. Can I say something? no way- I would be banned from the family.. and I'm part of the family- you're just a stranger/acquaintance- I know you think you're helping but if they truly are- what you say isn't going to make a dent. |
Anonymous
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I agree it is pretty hard to be sure in most cases. But sometimes you just know. My brother tells this story of having to help pick a young girl up off the floor after she passed out on the treadmill -- on more than one occcasion. She was so fixated with her body that she wouldn't eat and would workout until she literally passed out.
Still I'm not sure that there is really anything the OP can say or do. |
Anonymous
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OP, you don't have much to lose. But be careful, your judgment might be off and she could be a healthy thin. I am 5'6'' and 113 lbs, never been anorexic.
Keep in mind that there are many other causes of pathological weight loss like cancer, AIDS, scleroderma, to name a few. Get to know her first, then talk. |
Anonymous
I think it's the way you express yourself. I'm sorry you're so angry. |
Anonymous
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PP here. I meant to say I'm sorry you seem so angry about weight issues.
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Anonymous
| I am the OP. She really is anorexic. There is no doubt in my mind about that at all. And I say this as a thin woman myself who also gets the comment that I am skinny (I am 5'6 and about 125 pounds). There are a lot of mean posters on this site. I am not perfect, but at least I was asking with good intentions. |
Anonymous
| MYOB. Maybe she isn't too thin. I have been told I am too thin many times. It is in my genes. I work out every day, but even when I did not work out I was very thin, I eat burgers, fries, ice cream. Sorry, but some people are skinny, just like some people are fat. If you are not willing to walk up to the fat person in the gym and tell them to stop eating, then don't tell the skinny person to start eating. |
Anonymous
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Jeez, OP, I think you might live in my building (well, I have no idea, but there is a woman who fits your description to a T who lives in my complex and works out at the gym). To some previous posters who question how you know she is anorexic, with certain people it IS possible to know they either have a serious eating disorder or serious health issue. The person I know of (who matches OP's description) is so skeletal when she does squats at the gym, I can see the contours of her hip sockets. Her limbs are literally all bone with small sinewey muscles, her face is gaunt and sunk in. I am not one to be hyperbolic, but the only time I have ever seen anyone look that emaciated is seeing pictures of concentration camp victims.
To answer your post, OP, I am of the "mind your own business" camp. It pains me to see the person I know of, but Idon't know what I would say "wow, you are really unhealthy, want to talk about it?" "PS, eat more, you literally look like the walking dead"? I'm being a bit sarcastic, but I think its hard, and like one of the PPers said, if this woman is truly sick, its not like it is *news* to her. I guess I would say that you can continue to talk to her and if she says something that even remotely goes there, be prepared to offer constructive advice, or a shoulder. |
Anonymous
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20:20 here, again. I'm sorry people go around diagnosing others with weight issues, that does make me angry.
If the OP had some real reason to think there was something wrong with this woman, like what one PP said about a girl fainting repeatedly at the gym, then I would be more understanding. But the OP just thinks this woman is too thin. That is her opinion, and like most of opinions on strangers' appearances, she should keep them to herself. |