Guilty confession- sometimes I really don't like being a parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Right with you. Confession: When my child was three months old, I started researching at what age you can send kids away to overnight camp for the summer.

Me too! In fact, I sent my little one to camp at an early age 3 for half day. I needed the downtime.

Last summer, I sent her to full day daycamp and she loved it. They provide so much more than I can provide at home and on my own. It is worth the $$ to me. I need the break too much as well. I love camp!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Re: the pumping bit. I think some posters mentioned I should give it up and continue to nurse- I don't breastfeed directly from the tap. The baby is tongue-tied and is unable to latch, which is why I pump. I do plan on starting to wean at 9 months, which is soon, but will have to do it slowly as I'm prone to clogged ducts. I should have enough frozen to feed breastmilk for one year. I think my reluctance to stop is due to feeling guilty over not breastfeeding- did I really try my hardest?? Should I have fought through the pain and torn up nipples?? Anyway, I look forward to the day when I hang up the horns, but will also feel guilty too.

You are a hero - my DS was born tongue-tied and I tore up my nipples unaware, and then pumped for 5 mos (also in the middle of the night b/c I couldn't make it all night without getting a plug). Yes - you tried your hardest - way harder than me and I tried really hard! BTW, the relief was immense when I finally weaned. Since this is your second, you already know that. Start weaning now!

[Anonymous]

I love my daughter (25 mos) like crazy and I wouldn't trade her for any other kid in the world. She is freakin' awesome. But some days I would trade her for my old life. (I occasionally fantasize about a Freaky-Friday-type swap with one of my unhappily child-free friends.) My old life was not always awesome but it was very often awesome, and while there are awesome things about mothering my two-year-old, a lot of it is REALLY hard. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't really know exactly how hard. It's draining.

But still. In my child-free days, I would have a bad day and I'd come home and have a glass of wine and watch TV and the bad day would gradually fade. Now I have a bad day and I pick up my daughter, and unless she is being VERY two-years-old on the way home, my day is instantly better. Just like that. Then we wake up in the morning and she calls me Mommy and clings to me and it's a pretty amazing start to my day, even if I am still freakin' exhausted.

[Anonymous]

reading your post, my take away was not that you don't like being a parent - it's that you don't like getting up at 4:30 in the morning, pumping four times a day, long commutes and neverending drudge housework - oh yeah, you are crazy

seriously, give yourself permission to think that all sucks - all that is separate it from the act of parenting, which, yes, has its moments of annoyance, but is overall pretty amazing

modern life is tough...give yourself permission to get whatever help you can to help you get through be it prepared meals or a cleaning service and think about things you can tweak to make life easier, whether it be telecommuting or a job closer to home (not suggesting either of those is necc. right for you - it's just that you shouldn't feel like it should has to be hard, you know)

[Anonymous]

Kids suck from about 18 months/2years until 3.5years/4years. You love them and would die for them, but they suck. Feeding, changing, potty training, manners, napping, sleeping, ugh! The meltdowns. The tantrums. Never being able to have a conversation with a friend without, "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy..." And sooooo much more. Once they get to be through the three year old stage, parenting gets exponentially better. Exponentially. Outsource EVERYTHING you can. Weekly cleaner. Grocery delivery. Order everything online.

[Anonymous]

Dear Lord, PP is right! Suck, suck, suck -- especially for the mother. That is why I put my 18mo in daycare for six hours each day although I stay at home. Now pregnant with DC 3, it is the only way I can get anything done during the day without collapsing. The rest of you can pile on me as much as you want but I feel no guilt about letting someone else do for my child what I cannot. People always talk about the good old days forgetting that mothers with mental health problems resorted to many unhealthy and extreme behaviors.

[momof2]

Anonymous wrote:Look at it this way....there is nothing that I like doing 100% of the time.
Sometimes I really dont like my job. Sometimes I dont really like being married.
When I was single, sometimes I didnt like being single. Sometimes I dont like being a parent. That's life. We all have our days.

I have the added bonus of being in peri-menopause while being a mom to two toddlers, boy 1 1/2 and 3 DD. Sigh, it's getting better with the 3 yr old.

[momof2]

So relieved I am not the only one.

[Anonymous]

There were many, many times I fantasized staying on the bus 'till the end of the line. A miserable marriage doesn't help.

[Anonymous]

I think my reluctance to stop is due to feeling guilty over not breastfeeding- did I really try my hardest??

girl, PLEASE!!! you're getting up at 4:30 in the morning EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. to stick suction cups on your breasts so that you can feed your baby breastmilk. You're working full time, so I assume you're also pumping at work. You're sleep deprived. You're raising 2 kids. To answer your question: you tried harder than most people, and definitely harder than I ever did.

there is a trend amongst mothers these days to push themselves way beyond their physical and/or mental capabilities out of GUILT. and i'm not judging you here, i'm speaking as someone who has been there. the happiest moment of my life was the day that i realized that guilt is just a state of mind. while it's important to consider the reasons why you're feeling guilty over something before you make a decision, guilt -- and especially societal guilt, which is what is at play here i think -- is never something that should keep you doing something that is making you miserable.

8 months of pumping, in your situation, is freakin heroic. let go of the guilt. now, if you WANT to continue pumping, i will be right there with the pom-poms to cheer you on. but don't think that you have to keep doing it because that is what makes a "good mother" or because that is what the society of moms expects of you. you're a good mom. and i've said it before, and i'll say it again. no matter WHAT you do as a mother, someone is going to stand in judgment of it. to that end, screw what everyone else thinks. what matters is what YOU and your husband think.

[Anonymous]

I know this isn't the popular opinion but keep at it with pumping. I got a lot of "quit making your life difficult by being so rigid about bfing" comments and it occurred to me much later that in my overwhelmed state giving my child that was the thing that saved me, not hurt me. If that's how you feel, then it isn't forever, just a few months. But you have to find other places you can give...as pps suggested.

[Anonymous]

Hello? Welcome to parenthood. I had a happy-go-lucky successful, self-indulgent life pre-baby. After the birth I got a baby...and a therapist. It's not for the faint-hearted. You have to (wo)man-up and blast through this phase, and try not to listen to 'mommy guilt' which is a killer. They should employ it in Abu Ghraib.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel awful- I finally admitted to my husband that I don't always find parenthood rewarding. We have a very ornery 2.5 year old and an 8 month old, long commutes, and neverending housework. I exclusively pump, though only 4 times a day at this point. I have to get up at 4.30 every morning to pump, no matter if it's a weekend or a holiday. The toddler is really jealous of the baby and very clingy with us. We're strategizing on how to make life easier- doing Peapod, hiring a cleaning service, maybe paying for prepared meals, etc.- all stuff I never ever thought I would do.

I love my children and could never say I wouldn't want them, but I often wonder if becoming parents was a bad decision, especially having a second child. I guess we're in a tough period but I don't find parenthood the most rewarding thing I've done, which is what I always hear people say.

Flame away if you must.

You are a member of a very large club. Anyone who tells you they find 24/7 365 days a yr. parenting to be filled with endless joy is either a liar or delusional. Relax, you aren't alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord, PP is right! Suck, suck, suck -- especially for the mother. That is why I put my 18mo in daycare for six hours each day although I stay at home. Now pregnant with DC 3, it is the only way I can get anything done during the day without collapsing. The rest of you can pile on me as much as you want but I feel no guilt about letting someone else do for my child what I cannot. People always talk about the good old days forgetting that mothers with mental health problems resorted to many unhealthy and extreme behaviors.

This is fine, but I don't understand why you keep popping out children under these circumstances? If you find two unbearably exhausting, why have a third?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Lord, PP is right! Suck, suck, suck -- especially for the mother. That is why I put my 18mo in daycare for six hours each day although I stay at home. Now pregnant with DC 3, it is the only way I can get anything done during the day without collapsing. The rest of you can pile on me as much as you want but I feel no guilt about letting someone else do for my child what I cannot. People always talk about the good old days forgetting that mothers with mental health problems resorted to many unhealthy and extreme behaviors.

This is fine, but I don't understand why you keep popping out children under these circumstances? If you find two unbearably exhausting, why have a third?

I only have one kid, but I think people take the long view when they have a bunch of kids. Three kids will be very difficult for a few years. But eventually this poster will have three terrific children for the rest of her life (if all goes well). That's a long time compared to the crappy years. I'm still not planning to have three kids, but I respect people that can see the long-term goal and go for it. It's just a difference choice. And she's allowed to complain and get some extra help in the short-term.