Guilty confession- sometimes I really don't like being a parent

[Anonymous]

I feel awful- I finally admitted to my husband that I don't always find parenthood rewarding. We have a very ornery 2.5 year old and an 8 month old, long commutes, and neverending housework. I exclusively pump, though only 4 times a day at this point. I have to get up at 4.30 every morning to pump, no matter if it's a weekend or a holiday. The toddler is really jealous of the baby and very clingy with us. We're strategizing on how to make life easier- doing Peapod, hiring a cleaning service, maybe paying for prepared meals, etc.- all stuff I never ever thought I would do.

I love my children and could never say I wouldn't want them, but I often wonder if becoming parents was a bad decision, especially having a second child. I guess we're in a tough period but I don't find parenthood the most rewarding thing I've done, which is what I always hear people say.

Flame away if you must.

[Anonymous]

No flame here. I agree with you completely. That said, I'm glad I did it. I am a much better person b/c I had kids. I am much less self centered and selfish. I am now always thinking about someone else before myself. This was never true before I had kids. And I'm fairly sure that nothing else in life would've changed me for the better the way my kids have. My youngest is now 3 and I'll tell you, I have been to hell and back. And I'm sure it only gets more challenging but in a different way..the stakes get higher and higher for bad parenting mistakes as your children get older. Nope, only this amount of sleep deprivation and the constant neediness of small children would have been enough to get me to give up my old ways as a self-first kind of person.

[Anonymous]

No flames here. There is a lot of drudgery in being a parent. It's not all light and sunshine. If you can afford it, I suggest outsourcing as much stuff as you can - definitely hire a cleaning person. Might want to also consider hiring a babysitter for a half day on the weekends occasionally. The light at the end of the tunnel for me is I know it's just a matter of time until the baby is less dependent and things will be easier to manage.

[Anonymous]

Parent of two boys here, ages 13 and 10. You are in the thick of the heavy-lifting years of parenting. Taking care of children those ages is hard, hard work, and unrelenting.

It's ok to have these thoughts, no flames here.

I assure you that it will get much, much better.

[Anonymous]

If I was in your position, I would stop pumping. I only have one DS and when I gave myself permission to stop pumping at 8 months, I immediately felt better. I stopped getting sick so much, and was just overall THRILLED. I should have done it sooner.

Other than that, outsource, come up with fun things to look forward to (date nights, girls nights, whatever floats your boat), and know that as time goes on many of the things that are making you less happy will naturally get better.

I think many, many people feel the way you do. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Stop pumping. Seriously. Getting up at 4:30 am to do that is making everything else more unbearable. Get some formula and call it a day. 8 months of breastmilk is great, a more rested, happier mama, even better.

[Anonymous]

Ditto the stop pumping. And if you aren't ready for that, cut back to twice per day. Baby will still be getting some breastmilk and formula is not going to kill him. I EP'd until 6 months and my ped said the vast majority of the physical health benefits of breastmilk were had by 6 months. She said if I was feeding from the breast, there'd be more of a reason to try to get to a year (or close). I had lots of problems and when I quit, my life got SOOOO much easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop pumping. Seriously. Getting up at 4:30 am to do that is making everything else more unbearable. Get some formula and call it a day. 8 months of breastmilk is great, a more rested, happier mama, even better.

Or, if you really want to continue to BF (nothing wrong with that, either), you could get some advice on how to move that pumping session to a more reasonable hour. Pat Shelly at the Breastfeeding Center is supposed to be great at giving real world bfing advice. She might be able to help.

But otherwise, I agree that just the getting up at 4:30am is enough to make life miserable or at least seem that way! I'd start there.

And no flames. Parenting is mostly hard work and inconvenient, especially when they are little. But it gets easier AND you get used to it.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for cutting back on the pumping if you aren't 100% opposed to formula. Your child has a more mature tummy now and will likely tolerate formula just fine. Formula isn't going to do a baby any harm and you will feel TONS better about everything. Pumping that much is very hard, I know I have three kids and pumped A LOT of milk. I wanted to burn the pump when I was done with it for good. I'm sure those I-love-being-a-mommy-more-than-anything moments will return.

[Anonymous]

It may be true - now that you have children you may have had the honest realization it doesn't jive with your personality and the vision for your life.

However maybe not. Your children are at tough ages and you are definally giving more than you get. Like being on one of those never-ending gerbil wheels. But they grow and their needs become different. Tough but less draining. No more diapers, strollers, nursing. I used to dread the evening routine but now that they are a bit older it's actually relaxing. I can chat with my 5 yo about the day, we can play cards or color (while I drink wine!), read a chapter book together.

Two pieces of advice:
1. Go buy formula now and don't look back. I promise you your kid won't know the difference but you will!
2. Make sure your method of birth control is solid. A surpise is going to start you at ground zero again.

[Anonymous]

"I often wonder if becoming parents was a bad decision, especially having a second child. "

Get ready for your marriage to tank.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't beat yourself up. This is a hard time. For me, life got loads easier when the younger one was 2 and almost dream like when he was 3. Not that thing are perfect, they aren't. But those early years are HARD. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Look at it this way....there is nothing that I like doing 100% of the time.
Sometimes I really dont like my job. Sometimes I dont really like being married.
When I was single, sometimes I didnt like being single. Sometimes I dont like being a parent. That's life. We all have our days.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes? Sometimes! Lucky you -- I don't most of the time. It is a boring thankless grind made bearable only by the enormous love for your offspring that someone survives the monotony and sense of futility and lost freedom. I could only do something so difficult and unsatisfying for my kids.

[Anonymous]

somehow survives