Gossipy People Who Ask About your Money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are these people you hang out with, OP?

Precisely.

[Anonymous]

I’m a single woman with two adult children and I just retired at 57 friends ask me all the time how I can afford it.

I share my retirement income and my TSP balance.

I’ve actually had two friends retire after talking to me about my budget.

To me it’s not a big secret. I’m not sure why it would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a single woman with two adult children and I just retired at 57 friends ask me all the time how I can afford it.

I share my retirement income and my TSP balance.

I’ve actually had two friends retire after talking to me about my budget.

To me it’s not a big secret. I’m not sure why it would be.

This is a good example of how it's situational.

I do discuss finances with a few friends who I trust and know to be in somewhat similar financial situations, especially regarding kids and extended family situations. That's helpful.

I have also had nosy neighbors, colleagues, and parents from my kids' school ask pointed questions about our finances and that's totally different. They aren't looking to share info so we all do better. They are looking to collect info they can gossip with. I know because they also gossip about other people's finances -- did you know Bob's new house cost over 2m? his wife got a big inheritance when her mom died last year, that's how they afforded it. Sheryl is underwater on her mortgage, it's too bad because she wants to get divorced but she can't afford it. You know Pete and Susan support Susan's dad completely because he lost all his money in a financial scam? I've always thought Susan lacked could sense and now you can see where that comes from.

It's not that finances are a secret. Anyone could go find out what I paid for my house or what it's worth now, and if you know me well enough to come over or spend much time with me or go out to eat with me, you'll learn things about my finances simply through observation. But especially when finances are tied to personal information and decisions (like kids, parents, marriages, etc.) you do have to be somewhat careful about what you share and with whom. A lot of people will think nothing of taking that info and assuming and exaggerating while discussing it with others, and that is generally not a good decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the truth. Why is this a secret?

Obviously, because it is none of their business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin asked how much I had for retirement and I quipped, “More than you’d think.”

She looked shocked at the quick reply.

The background is her husband is an orthopedic surgeon and I don’t think they have saved much beyond pensions and IRAs.

I’m widowed and my husband was a Navy officer. We lived within our means. And amassed good assets.

Ahhh… the art of compounding $$$. Good for you!😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin asked how much my parents left me after my dad died. At the funeral.

The day after my 37 year old old husband's memorial, my BIL wanted to know if there was a "nice, juicy life insurance policy to look forward to".

I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin asked how much my parents left me after my dad died. At the funeral.

People even relatives who ask about your money can't be trusted. Don't ask, don't tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin asked how much my parents left me after my dad died. At the funeral.

People even relatives who ask about your money can't be trusted. Don't ask, don't tell.

You realize don’t ask don’t tell ended up being terrible decision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you say to a gossip who asks you how much money you have saved? If you don't tell them, they lie and spread rumors anyway.

Give me a strategy.

I have no problem saying "I don't discuss that."

[Anonymous]

I'm in my mid 40s and recently (somewhat accidentally) indicated my intention to possibly retire in my early 50. Its something that my spouse and I talk about sometimes. After catching my friends' reaction I realized I probably shouldn't have said that, but when queried I did say something lightly along the lines of "yeah, that's why I save my money!" and shifted the conversation away from that specific topic.

I'd be happy to talk about it if I thought it could help someone, but it isn't something likely to be on the table for this couple and I didn't want to seem like I was bragging. I save that for DCUM, where no one is impressed with any level of wealth.

[Anonymous]

Every one should pay attention to their own bank accounts not be querying about other peoples money. End of story.